Don’t know where to look when they’re talking about the wedding

[Msstayhome]

My partner of 1 year is going to a family wedding in Greece later in the year. I wasn’t invited as I hadn’t met the B&G at the time the invites came out. They live in Greece.

All of his friends and family seem to be going, and all his friends are going with their partners, and they talk about it whenever we meet and I’m finding it borderline embarrassing to sit in silence through these conversations as the only person excluded from the plans.

We’re meeting up with them all again this weekend and I’m dreading the awkwardness. Totally understand I’m the newest to the group and therefore not invited but it’s so uncomfortable sitting there while they discuss who’s staying where, what other plans they have while they’re there and what flights they’re all on.

I don’t think anyone’s being intentionally rude. Perhaps I’m just socially awkward? But I find it really uncomfortable.

I definitely don’t think he’s taking anyone else. He’s sharing an apartment there with his parents!

Op, this post is good advice and fair!! Ignore the nasties telling you about yourself , I think its defo ones of those issues where it's not a big deal but it can be alittle annoying to sit there constantly listening to ppl go on about something you're not invited to. I also liked the post where someone mentioned you gping to Greece but not the wedding. Is that an option?

Why don't you go to Greece with your dp and spend the wedding sightseeing or relaxing on your own?

My partner hasn’t mentioned it if it is. It’s very close family and he’s staying in accommodation with his parents so I’m not sure it’s on the cards, although I can’t say I’m not a little disappointed he didn’t consider it.

Bit main-character-syndrome to be quite so uncomfortable when a group conversation is about something that isn't relevant to you. It's not a big deal. Why not have a book or magazine you can look at when the topic is about the wedding. If your relationship is going to last, you'll be included in events once you are better known in the family. That's not going to happen if you are this weird about events that were planned before you were on the scene.

I think you are trying to be polite but have inadvertently gone the other way by sitting quietly.
people like to be asked questions, you can be a bit nosy - have you been to X before? Do you like that area? What are you wearing? etc etc.

you know it wasn’t a personal slight that you weren’t invited.

Think of it as a topic to get to know them better.

when they come back you’ll be ready to ask questions in reverse and enjoy chatting about it.

This relationship sounds boring. Sitting around with his family.and friends all the time.

Don't you go out just as a couple? Why doesn't your boyfriend change the subject or include.you in conversation? Don't you go out with your friends?

I'd avoid this meet up and see my pals instead.

Where did I say we sat around with them
all the time? We have a very interesting and varied life.

Totally agree with this.

If it’s close family only, how come all his friends are going? Or the friends family too?

I definitely wasn’t being moody or a misery. That’s not my nature. On the contrary I do a lot of smiling and nodding along. No one would’ve picked up on my discomfort but internally after a while, it just start to feel a bit exclusive.

Anyone would feel self conscious, YANBU

Do you have to meet them this weekend? Is it a casual get together, can you meet your own friends or family instead?

It’ a not good to always prioritise his friends.

It’s a very close knit community! Small town, local school kind of thing.

Well that's great then! You'll just have to suck up this one boring meet up where all they can talk.about is wedding wedding.

As pps suggest, fake.an interest and chat about it.

This is MN - people like to totally make things up and then state them like established facts. Usually in order to vilify someone or use as a reason to LTB.

I know you don't think that but I was wondering why @MoreChocPls would be asking when the key point of the thread is that you weren't invited

I agree with others - no need to feel awkward. Join in with the chat - if someone mistakenly thinks you are invited just tell them you are not. It's not embarrassing, you haven't been snubbed.

I agree.
It's understandable they are excited and want to talk about it a lot, but if that's all they talk about, there isn't much of in for OP. There is only so much interest you can show in the fun you can't participate in. You also don't get to know anything else about them or them about OP.

OP, personally, I would not meet up so frequently with the boyfriend and just his friends anymore. Why not have him spend some time with your friends also?

Has your partner not suggested you going along on the trip (and not attending the wedding)?
Someone I know was in a similar position and invited newish partner (6 months) along for the five day holiday. Didn’t go to the wedding but spent the day chilling by the pool and enjoyed the rest of the holiday together!

I think after dating for a year you should be invited to the wedding. Unless the wedding is small but it doesn’t sound like it is.

Oops, just read the update that he’s sharing apartment with parents…obviously if you suggested going along you’d book separate accommodation!

It sounds boring rather than awkward. Just say Oy - I’m not going to this, can we talk about something else. Or if they are just dull people then avoid gatherings till it’s done (and possibly consider whether you want to tie yourself to this bloke and his tedious family)

Say you would like to go to Greece with him. No reason why you can't be involved in it all except the wedding. Aside from anything else, it sounds like this trip is likely to be referenced and reminisced about for years to come so if you see a future with your DP this is the much better option. Also, Greece is lovely - enjoy the sunshine by the sea whilst they're at the wedding, though I would imagine if you're there then you will get an invite.

This.

Seems weird that all his friends and their partners are invited to his family wedding but not his girlfriend of a year. Even if you hadn’t met when the invites went out, it seems a pretty wide-reaching guest list so I’m surprised that nobody thought to extend an invite to you too.