Morality question- AIBU?

[StrawberrySmile]

So I’m in the process of booking a holiday. I have a child with complex additional needs including autism, ADHD and a developmental delay (this is relevant!). I’m looking at booking a cruise and I’ve seen online that they have accessible rooms that are larger and have rails, walk in showers, no steps into bathrooms etc. on the website it said that these rooms are suitable for anyone with a disability or sensory need who would benefit from it. Now obviously this type of room has a very limited number on the ship, and apparently they sell out fast. But there’s a few still available. Would I be unreasonable to book it for my family so we can have the additional space? The website clearly states that we qualify, but I’m very aware that us using it could prevent a family with a wheelchair from being able to book. But without the room we would still manage? But it would make our lives easier to have that little bit of extra space. Especially for my other child. I can’t work out what to do?

YABU- leave the room for someone who can’t travel without it.
YANBU- my child’s needs are in the intimation for someone who is allowed to book the room so book it and don’t worry.

Of their website says you qualify then book it! Not sure why you would feel bad about this?

But your child does have a disability and by the sounds of it you need the extra space.

Book it and enjoy your holiday

I don't understand. Your child has a disability, so book the room.

Book the room - but if you’re booking direct with the cruise line, and it’s bothering you, you could always offer to give way to a family using a wheelchair if needed.

@CarCrashLifes i think it’s because if we use the room someone in a wheelchair can’t go. But if we use a different room then it’s available for someone who actually needs it rather than just wants it?

@Maray1967 i thought about that but if it happens we could end up anywhere on the ship in any random room. I wouldn’t want to get into the room and then be forced to move, that would cause serious problems for my child.

Is it just the extra room that' the issue, or something else like location? One thing to consider might be talking to the cruise line to see if there are other standard rooms that would meet your needs that aren't set up for people who are in wheelchairs or in need of other accessible features.

Look, disability makes life harder. Take all the good stuff you can get, it mitigates the hard times and makes life easier!

You’re perfectly entitled, book it 😊

As far as space - I guess the question is, how much is it really a need about your child's disability? I'd never take my kids on a cruise because the spaces would not be ok for them, but they don't have any disabilities - they just don't like small spaces and get too rambunctious. The cruise line will want to be reasonably broad in their directions as they don't know your individual situation, so it's really up to you to judge whether it's appropriate.

By all means book the room and no trouble there, but have you been on a cruise before, esp with children? I really think that is the question I would ask, it is a completely different experience to most other holidays. Of course it can be brilliant, and there are plenty more that will pile on to confirm, but if you get rough sea days, it is the worst. You sometimes get a set dinner time, and you will be on a table with other people, You can always choose your experience to suit you, i.e. just eat from the buffet, enjoy the show, and enjoy the pools and so on, but I have just come off one, and there was parents up a height because the kids clubs were all full, rough seas for a couple of days (which suits no-one) and the embarkation process (2 hours in queues) was at best, unpleasant. I like cruising, but I would not have liked to have done it with mine.

I don’t think they do book out all that fast TBH. I know of people who have been allocated accessible rooms who didn’t request them, because they were all that was left. I suppose the particular ship and its demographic makes a difference.

Of course you should book the cabin type. If someone later goes to book that cabin type and they’re all gone they do what everyone else does, they look for different dates, different destination, different ship.

Its an accessible room for those living with disabilities, not a wheelchair only room. You absolutely qualify. You have as much right to book it that someone with a chair does. Book it guilt free and have a wonderful holiday.

Just go ahead and book it.

Hypothetical wheelchair family will just get the cruise before / after yours, or a different holiday altogether, maybe an even better one! You make your choices and leave other people to make theirs.

Oh no - I didn’t mean that you’d move when you’re on board. Just that you could offer to give way if someone else booked. I agree that no one should have to move once they’ve boarded.

I wouldn't because like you said you could manage without it. There are so few options for those of us who have no choice.

People don't understand what it is like. They think Oasis tickets were hard to get but they had 1.7milliom to choose from, compared to the 10 ish tickets per venue wheelchair uses access.

I should state though I come from a biased position. I use a powerchair & a hoist. Space is essential for me & those with needs like mine.

That doesn't mean I cannot understand where you are coming from, enjoy your holiday.

@KittenKins thats exactly what I’m thinking. The space would be an advantage for me, but not a necessity like it is for you

thanks to everyone who mentioned the suitability of a cruise. Particularly @avignon1234 , thank you! Bizarrely, my child actually loves cruising. He finds the rocking of the ship hilarious and because we have our own specific space, really enjoys the different countries we visit. I think he also loves the fact there’s always food available at the buffet so adds a fourth meal of supper on to every evening :)

Should we not book the honeymoon suite for our anniversary because a newly married couple might want it? The room is intended for people like you - just book it.

@BIossomtoes but a couple can honeymoon in any suite. A person in a wheelchair could only use this room? That’s why I’m struggling to decide. I don’t want someone else unable to come just because I might want more space, when they need it

@StrawberrySmile Respectfully, but why don’t you think that your son isn’t as deserving as a stranger who may or may not want to book the same cruise as you?

Yes as you say you could manage (but you put a question mark behind that in your OP) in a regular cabin but why should you and your son have to manage when you don’t have to.

Your son clearly has a need which the cruise line acknowledges and is happy to book you into that cabin. It’s clear you aren’t trying to get extra space so you can bring extra shoes.

And with all due respect to @KittenKins this isn’t 10 seats for a once in a lifetime event. It’s a cabin on a cruise which you say has multiple openings for this cabin type.

I think you’re absolutely lovely to be so considerate @StrawberrySmile and it makes me even more inclined to think you should put your family first.

This is what I was going to say. Stop overthinking, you need the space and facilities, you qualify, just book!

If you qualify, you qualify. It’s a cruise not a life saving treatment. The family with a wheelchair user can go another time.

Kindly you are really overthinking this. You say you qualify for use of an accessible cabin based on the details on the website so go ahead and book it. Your son’s need is no less valid than mine would have been for my DH - it’s just different. ( speaking as a long time carer for DH in a wheelchair who used accessible cabins on cruises)

Nicely, are you a massive people pleaser?

This is a HOLIDAY that you are going to pay for.

Book the bloody suite and have a great time.

I think you are getting a bit hung up on the fact that some people use wheelchairs. There are many disabilities were extra space, no steps and hand rails are needed.

At home I have hand rails to help me up and down steps, and "half steps" at each step to help me get up and down. I can manage without (as long as there are at least two willing and able people to help), but having these aids (as well as many others) certainly helps.

If the adaptations help your child, then book the cabin.