He effectively said he’d lie to me

[POPUpSt]

AIBU please?

My DP was talking today about how one of his friends had a cleaner. The cleaner arrived early and DP’s friend was just getting out of the shower: long story short, the woman offered DP’s friend a ‘massage’. He declined and told my DP - who said that his friend shouldn’t tell his wife.

When I asked why my DP had said not to tell his wife, he replied that the cleaner didn’t deserve to lose her job because of ‘a mistake’ and that the wife would probably ‘overreact’ and sack the cleaner.

I think it’s pretty fundamental in a relationship to communicate about things like this and asked if he’d do the same to me - he said he’d have to think ‘carefully’ about this.

We have gone around in circles and now I am starting to doubt my sanity - this is something that shouldn’t be withheld from your partner isn’t it? Like if someone in your home has acted in a way incompatible with your relationship, then this should be discussed?

However, I would appreciate other perspectives please. Thank you so much in advance.

Tbf i suspect the "friend" hasn't told the full story 😂 or he did to your DP and your dp isn't giving you the full story

Your DPs friend is full of shit.

I’m firmly in your camp, and when DP had something along those lines discussed with a friend he said “tell her mate, secrets come out eventually and look worse for it” so I know he’s on the same wavelength as me.

However, I do know people who would keep their mouth shut to avoid stress and conflict especially if they thought it would cause problems, and while I don’t agree I understand. If you trust that he wouldn’t tell you to avoid worrying you, that’s a different thing to wondering if he wouldn’t tell you because he’s tempted to get up to no good.

Sorry, I’m not trying to be dense but I’m not sure what you mean by this? 🙂

I would want to know if the cleaner was making sexual advances to my husband or anyone in the household.

That your partner called firing an employee for that overreacting makes me wonder if the husband was the one making the sexual advances.

I too think you're not getting the full story.

My perspective is that he is using this ludicrously unlikely scenario to see if you say that it would be great if someone would proposition your boyfriend for sex and you would find it a big old turn on and should you slip into your French maid outfit right now.

There is this too. It does have a whiff of minimising to it.

As if

She had one of those black and white maid outfits on too

Believe me, she's not.. she's just cleaning

Do you have a cleaner? If you do I'd start to worry what the "friend" actually did......

Maybe point out to your dp that trying to seduce another woman’s husband in her own home is not 'a mistake' and yes she does deserve to lose her job (if she really was the instigator...).

Bloody hell you and your DP are gullible op

No - we don’t, so this is purely hypothetical. I was just really shocked by his thinking that the cleaner just made a mistake and that the wife didn’t need to be made aware. It isn’t what I would have expected from him.

Do you think? I am autistic so do sometimes struggle with people trying to trick me.

Are you suggesting that the friend has slept with the lady and this is a cover story?

Didn't happen.

Well I've always been surprised about the number of threads on MN about cleaners.
Some quite weird ones.
But a cleaner offering her client sexual services - allegedly- is about the weirdest.

Sacking the cleaner most definitely would not be an overreaction in this scenario. I'd definitely expect to be told.

I know right. Obsessed with cleaners 😂😂

He is full of bull crap.

I think everyone is suggesting that your DPs mate was having a little shower fantasy, and told your DP.
The chances of the cleaner offering extra services are slimmer than a snakes hips. Itt's a tired cliché

Thank you - I understand and appreciate you taking the time to explain. It is entirely possible that this is all a made up scenario.

My problem is with my DP who thinks he doesn’t have to tell me about important stuff like this.

So is he saying that if you had a man in doing some work on your house and he offered you a 'massage' that he'd rather not know?

My problem is with my DP who thinks he doesn’t have to tell me about important stuff like this.
The chances of this happening to your partner are slim to none, unless you hire the same cleaner. 😅

It was bollocks, OP.

His friend entered a fantasy world where his cleaner wanted to "massage" him.

All in his head.

In his dreams

I think this is totally wishful thinking and a fantasy of the mate who probably fancies the pants off cleaner and engineered the whole shower scene in case he got lucky 😂
I actually know a man who did this!! not mine of course