Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Etiquette for how long after being given your number that someone should get in touch with you?

41 replies

Ladyoftheapple · 24/04/2025 20:03

As a general rule, would you say if it’s been over 24 hours then they aren’t going to?

my situation is complicated by the fact I came across a parent for the first time ever and we had a conversation and he seemed genuinely pleased to have met me. He asked for my number and also phoned mine to ensure I had his. Anyway, I won’t be contacting him first as I made the initial contact and I feel this should have been for him to do, not his child.

am I right in thinking he’s not going to at this point? At least now I know for sure the kind of person he is and he does not deserve my time

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 24/04/2025 20:08

Why does he need to CTC you, are you arranging a playdate or something? I would assume it's for emergencies or to specifically arrange said play date, assuming the kids are too young for phones.

CaptainFuture · 24/04/2025 20:09

Do you mean you've met your dad for first time, or a fellow parent of dc?

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/04/2025 20:10

Huh? Is this for a play date, or a date date? Or nothing?

CiscoTS · 24/04/2025 20:11

I would give it at least a week before worrying he won’t contact you.

GRex · 24/04/2025 20:15

I presume from your enthusiasm that you think he requested your number for a date. Do you even know if he's single? Why do you think it was for a date rather than a play date?

For a date, a call should be within a week usually. For a play date / friend could be a couple of weeks.

HappyToSmile · 24/04/2025 20:20

Do you think you may have misread the situation? You thought he wanted a date, but he was just being a genuinely nice friendly person who thought swapping numbers was a good thing to do with your children being friends?
Maybe some more context to the situation would help

ChorizoDog · 24/04/2025 20:47

I thought they meant they’d got in touch with a long lost parent 🤦🏼‍♀️

Clearly need to step away from Mumsnet!

Justchillinhere · 24/04/2025 20:55

Maybe he just wants you in his contacts in case he needs to discuss school stuff, so it could be any amount of time, probably wasn’t anything romantic

Original poster
Ladyoftheapple · 24/04/2025 20:58

I think I communicated this totally wrong from the responses!!

this is the first time I’ve met my Dad!!

OP posts:
GRex · 24/04/2025 21:04

Ok, sorry, well that does sound significant!!! I suppose he might delay if he was shocked, didn't know you existed etc. Otherwise I guess he's always been crap if this is the first time he met you?

How did you feel it went, did it help you get answers you wanted or satisfy curiosity? Do you want to have a relationship with him ongoing?

Lavender14 · 24/04/2025 21:10

That makes much more sense from your update - I was really confused to start with as well.!

I would like to think they'd make the first move here, but as others have said they may be genuinely unsure how to feel/ what to think/ what to say or in general how to go about this. I think if you have unanswered questions or want a conversation with them I think it's fair for you to message initially to arrange that because it's maybe in your best interests to do so in order to get some closure for yourself. But if you don't feel you need that, then I would leave it to them. I don't think anyone can say that in this scenario 24 hrs is a good or a bad sign. Only time will tell really. You've put this out into the universe so the only thing is to let it go with no expectation and see what happens.

The most important thing is that you have support around you no matter which way it goes. I'm hoping for the best outcome for you though - whatever that looks like

Original poster
Ladyoftheapple · 24/04/2025 21:45

To be honest, I’m not sure exactly what I want. I’m mid 30s and hadn’t really been bothered before but in the last couple of years I’ve been my curious about my father’s side so when I saw him I just introduced myself in that moment. It may have been a bad idea but I guess it’ll give me full clarity. I think if he was interested in contact, he would’ve been in touch sooner

OP posts:
GRex · 24/04/2025 22:03

I guess it came as a surprise to him. Best case, perhaps there are other family members who he feels he needs to tell before he follows up. Still though, he's already had over 30 years of not parenting you, a quick text saying it was nice to meet you would have been the lowest bar. It's probably best to leave it to be a nice surprise when he follows up, but it's a tricky one. What a shame for you.

I hope you have other family too?

Eenameenadeeka · 25/04/2025 09:30

Did you meet him unexpectedly? It might have been quite a surprise to him? It sounds quite unusual and complicated, im not sure there's an etiquette for this type of thing. He may still be processing? I hope he reaches out soon and you find what you are looking for

SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend · 25/04/2025 09:41

Maybe he’s not a texter. That’s the easiest way of saying ‘thank you for your number, so glad we’re in contact now’ - but he could be envisaging using it for a phonecall and needs to get his head together or be ready for that?

Halfweight · 25/04/2025 09:49

I think in these circumstances 24 hours is no time at all.

Imagine if it was your DP, wouldn't you expect him to take some time talking and thinking about how to proceed/what the impact on your family might be?

Original poster
Ladyoftheapple · 28/04/2025 11:02

No contact so I guess i have my answers, he’s proven for sure the type of person he is

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 28/04/2025 11:03

GRex · 24/04/2025 20:15

I presume from your enthusiasm that you think he requested your number for a date. Do you even know if he's single? Why do you think it was for a date rather than a play date?

For a date, a call should be within a week usually. For a play date / friend could be a couple of weeks.

… or months even.

24 hours is very inpatient for both imo.

Calliopespa · 28/04/2025 11:04

Ladyoftheapple · 28/04/2025 11:02

No contact so I guess i have my answers, he’s proven for sure the type of person he is

I think this is nuts op.

I would never think there was a time limit I had to contact within.

Do you fancy him?

Calliopespa · 28/04/2025 11:07

Ladyoftheapple · 24/04/2025 20:58

I think I communicated this totally wrong from the responses!!

this is the first time I’ve met my Dad!!

Oh ok!!

I thought “ parent” was just a random one at the school gates! I was thinking you were properly odd!

In this situation I’m not sure. It’s a new one for me but NOW I understand your intensity. I was totally flummoxed…

Idontjetwashthefucker · 28/04/2025 11:08

I'm quite sure OP doesn't want to date her dad!

Idontjetwashthefucker · 28/04/2025 11:08

I'm quite sure OP doesn't want to date her dad!

Calliopespa · 28/04/2025 11:10

Idontjetwashthefucker · 28/04/2025 11:08

I'm quite sure OP doesn't want to date her dad!

No! We are all catching up.

It wasn’t very apparent from either the subject line or op.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 28/04/2025 11:11

Oops, apologies for the duplicate post

Calliopespa · 28/04/2025 11:16

I was also wondering why she thought this new random guy was expecting his child to do the contacting! 🤣

Im not sure op. I now fully understand why you are on tenterhooks but I wouldn’t write him off after 24 hours. It’s a lot to process. I have my fingers crossed for you though.🤞

Swipe left for the next trending thread