Being unhappy with your job affects your whole life

[SophieH91]

I had a bit of a debate with my other half earlier and would welcome some MN wisdom!

I’m really fed up with work currently, just stagnant and at a dead end. I’ve always been quite career focused, climbed 2/3 roles quite quickly and now earn reasonable money but I’m just not getting the satisfaction any more. I can do the job easily and have been in my current role nearly 3 years. I’ve had a couple of unsuccessful interviews for roles elsewhere in the company which are little to no salary increase but would give a fresh challenge.

I feel like it’s impacting me outside of work now, low motivation, not looking toward to work on a Sunday and feeling a bit down about my prospects as I’m only in my mid 30’s and have a lot of work left to do.

DH says I should just switch off and be thankful I have a fairly well paid job with good perks in terms of work/life balance. I wish I was this way but I can’t help shaking the feeling I am at a dead end.

I’ve debated career changing but it would be a big drop in salary initially to retrain and I’m struggling to get past that in my mind.

YABU - be grateful and get on with it
YANBU - it’s understandable it is impacting non-work life

And your DH's job - how's that? Happy and fulfilled is he, and progressing well in his career?

I had a hard year in work last year and it almost destroyed me. Yanbu.

He’s far more content with his job (not passionate about it, just turns up gets on with it and goes home) and not looking to progress.

Yeah it definitely does affect your whole life. We spend so much of our lives working. Hope you find something else soon, OP.

You spend a huge chunks of your life at work. And sorry to be blunt but, one day you will die.

Don’t waste your one wild and precious life with something unfulfilling if you can get a quality of life you need doing something more fulfilling. Not everyone has this choice, so many folks in this world need to do something they dislike to survive. Money past the point of your base needs being met is just money. Only you can decide what this point is. But it’s a con to think that more of it can make up
for being happier overall everyday.

Thank you, I know we would cope on less but it would prevent us from moving house in the next couple of years which is something we’re really keen to do.

I changed jobs at the start of the year after 4 years in a job that I was unhappy in. Same role, same (at times long) hours but different company. It's been life changing, I didn't realise how ground down I was by the last role, you can't just switch misery on and off, it gets into your bones.

My new role is just as challenging but because I'm happy I have energy for all parts of my life, I've got more to give my family and friends and I now spend evenings doing hobbies because I feel creative and inspired after a day spent with my mind active and engaged. I used to spend my evenings doom scrolling because I was too drained to drag myself out of the mindset.

Being engaged at work massively impacts the rest of your life, however much you try to compartmentalise.

I would say though, I did consider a career change because I thought it was the work that was the problem but I'd got too high up the ladder to start over so felt stuck. Turns out the issue is absolutely not what I do, it's the company I worked for. Having moved, I now have a love for the work again.

If i were you I'd really analyse your time at work and make a bullet point list of the little things that are making you unhappy on a day to day basis then see what patterns emerge. The changes needed might be less drastic than you think.

Being unhappy at work is soul destroying. If you have a chance to start again in something you do love, do it now whilst you are young enough. And you might not feel young but husband was really unhappy at work in his fifties and that really was too late so he’s on count down to retirement now.

How desperate is that house move for the next few years? Wanted or needed?

However, also be aware of The grass is always greener.

Don't underestimate the value of having a good work life balance. If you find something more challenging, make sure the work life balance doesn't get eroded or you will become resentful.

Don't damage your health. It's irreversible sometimes. You feel you have a duty to go on for family sometimes. But you matter too. I say this as one of my managers, who earned a lot, and kept her family in a lovely home, with lovely holidays and cars, committed suicide recently. She openly said she loathed her job. I think she saw no way out. Prioritise your needs and don't be listening to people saying you should grin and bear it. They can adapt.

I could have written your exact post, OP. I'm in my 40s though. I'm trying to be grateful and just not think about progressing but it's demoralising. The job market is dire too which doesn't help!

It’s so frustrating isn’t it, do you think you’ll stick it out or try to move?

I've paid to do some qualifications, to try and bolster my cv. That will take at least a year, so I'm going to stick it out for a while. My problem is that I've moved around into different roles at the company i work for, over the last 10 years, so that doesn't look good when applying externally. Jack of all trades, master on none!
How about you? Have you got some options?

Totally agree OP, I made a bad choice on a career move a couple of years ago and spent a year in a job I utterly hated.

It affected my whole life, I had no motivation and felt totally drained from it, it’s easy to say switch off but a full time job is so much of our life it really does take it out of you being unhappy in work.

I agree it can have an impact in your overall life.

Can you compress your hours...maybe do 5 days in 4 and use your day off to either do something nice or have the time to investigate other options/do some further study? I wouldn't want to commit to advising you to either continue or leave your job as i dont think there's a right answer...so that's my only little suggestion!

It definitely is soul-destroying being in a job you dislike. Don’t be like me! I’ve been in my company 27 years and I’m unhappy and unfulfilled. I stayed for a few reasons - I was a single mother after a few years there so it was easier, flexible working, some work from home, excellent salary - so on paper fits perfectly - my youngest is still secondary school age - I’m late fifties so don’t have the energy now to be honest so I’m sitting there and hoping for redundancy or I might retire early once youngest is 18 (maybe do something part time after).

You are so young - time to move on I’d say and find new opportunities to challenge you.

I was in a role in 2015, worked my way into it, had a team to manage but eventually got bored, felt the same as you. But the money was good, great perks, great company. But i felt like i wasnt fulfilled, as the role didnt have a mapped out career path, that i craved (i like structure) So i decided to change careers.......everyone told me not to do it.......but i know myself best.......to cut a long story.short......its the worst decision i ever made........i dropped a huge chunk of salary to start i career i felt would fulfil me long term.......i spent 4 years in and out of roles in this new career, where i didnt grow, my salary didnt increase, even though i did qualifications in that new area........i felt the universe was against me. After some tough conversations i decided to give that one up as my mental health and savings where taking a hit......id gone from good salary, easy life, getting bored to stressed, doubting myself, feeling skint and feeling like a failure.
So what im trying to say.......its easy for people to say go for it etc.....but the reality of it is very different. Those close to me who said dont do it.......i wish i had listened.
But thats just my feelings after chucking it all away.

Maybe put some time to a hobby or side hustle to fulfil you.......thats what i wished id did.

No job is perfect; there will always be a part or parts of it that are not so good. However, overall, I think you need to be able to put those parts into perspective for balance.

I hated one job I had and left. I then ran a business for 12 years and hated it even more, however, I was more tied up with this as I was financially invested and tied to it, had employees, and it was a limited company. I couldn't just hand my notice in and go elsewhere.

Eventually, the company got handed over to someone who worked for me, and I ended up back in the job I initially hated and left! It turns out it wasn't as bad as I had thought after all, and being employed again was bliss.

I have seen people in employment who have become used to their salary increases and have then felt trapped when they are considering a move, feeling they can't afford a pay cut, it's depressing and stressful for them. Given how trapped and unhappy I felt when I had my business, I vowed I would never get myself in that position again, as it does get to you.

Hope you figure it out OP.

Well this post is timely. I went to the toilets for a little cry yesterday! And I NEVER cry. I could have written your post. Also mid 30s, thrived in my early career, had huge potential. When I had children and moved back to rural Scotland I was exceptionally lucky to 'find' (a contact made the connection) a job that I could do part time, from home and that paid exceptionally well.

I've done that for 6 years now but I am so bored!!! I've completely stagnated and there's just no opportunities to learn or grow. Moving isn't really an option so I am limited to remote opportunities. I have applied and applied and applied for jobs and I'm getting nowhere, not even an interview, no matter how well my experience matches.

The last time I was in the market I had an offer with Google in US, an offer with Amazon in Europe and an offer with an Oil and Gas company in the Middle East. So this is something of a fall from grace.

I feel like I've lost 5 years and now am only qualified to do what I'm doing, which I don't want to do anymore. So the poster above who said the change of company changed their life is very encouraging. (My current company is very small and the culture has changed for the worse over the last year).

I have no advise OP but I can emphasise completely. And your post has made me feel a bit less alone.

I can sort of see DH's point of view to be honest. It's awful if you hate your job, and I agree that it impacts your life, but it doesn't sound as if you really HATE yours. You're not super stressed or being bullied or similar - you're just a bit bored and not finding it challenging. You're looking for new roles, so it's good that you're doing something positive about it. But until you find one, try not to moan about it too much. That gets tedious for him too.

I would be reluctant to take a huge drop in salary unless you absolutely know what else it is you want to do and are passionate about it.
Most jobs become a bit boring after time. The market is absolutely rubbish at the minute - particularly for fully remote ,but get your CV and Linkedin profile updated and be open to opportunities, also see internally if any training or side shadowing you can do. Do you have a mentor as that might help you to understand how to progress at your current company?

I think I’ll do some qualifications to help me change career but I know taking that leap will be difficult and I’ll be debating whether I should give up the security of my current job to essentially have to start over and work my way to a similar salary again, albeit I’d hope that would be a job I’d enjoy. It’s a really tough one. Good luck x

Do you mind saying what job/industry you went into? Feel free to private message if rather not say on here x

Change management for a global consultancy and left to move into HR. Did 3yrs in HR with all the quals prior to leaving my CM job thinking it would be a easy transition and id move quite quickly up the ladder........however HR didnt pan out and i didnt enjoy it either. The grass definitly wasn't greener.

@SophieH91 what industry and you looking to move into?