Santorini explosive argument

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I always go in holiday once a year with friend. Normally Europe, something chilled for 10 days. We switch who does all the admin / booking but will have a few places in mind. This year it was my turn to organise. Have booked Santorini. Got a fantastic deal. Beautiful venue. I booked it over Xmas for this July. Friend happy.
After several earthquakes we were nervous but agreed to wait it out (aware this is 'act of god' so couldn't get refund on insurance). There's been nothing major recently. So I assumed trip was on.

Over the weekend friend forwarded BBC article and said that the lead scientist said the " big earthquake/ volcanic eruption was coming this summer " and has said she's not coming.
I've read the article and it doesn't say that at all. In fact if anything it seemed the team had no clue what was happening and just let a journalist hang out with them for a day.
We can't cancel without losing a lot of money and friend said she would rather pay not to go. She won't reimburse me if I go by myself though.

We had a heated discussion and tbh I think she's making up earthquake scenarios/ catastrophising. What would you do ?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cm25lz56rezo

I don’t think that’s what she’s saying. Friend will pay for her own half but she won’t pay for OP’s. Which I don’t think she should have to, but maybe OP thinks she should because her dropping out makes OP not want to go anymore?

ETA - no, just read it and you’re right! How odd. Why would she only pay her share if OP doesn’t go???

I understand this, however this jumped out at me:

She won't reimburse me if I go by myself though

Which strikes me as rather manipulative. She seems quite prepared to punish you/make you feel guilty for making a decision that doesn't include her.

I had enough of this kind of nonsense from so-called friends in my 30s. I saw the light and I now have proper friends who respect my decisions.

A lot of these places can blow up literally at any time.

It's half of Tenerfie at risk of sliding into the ocean and causing a massive Tsunami ? Then there was burning lava flows there the other year.

Then there is one kicking off in Alaska at the moment.

Yosemite is a super volcano that may well obliterate the entire US when it next goes off.

The probability of something major kicking off while you are there is probably low but finite, and the scientists readings tell them normally when it is about to go up (probably not 100% foolproof though).

The friend has said she will only pay if neither of them go. She has said that she won't pay for her share if the OP goes on her own.

Get her share of the money off her, tell her whatever you think she needs to hear so she coughs up.

Then do what you want to do, its none of her business.

My God. I will come. She’s being ridiculous. Can you change destinations or you comfortable going alone/with another friend? With me 🤣

You could find something bad going on in any destination.

I missed that, how utterly bizarre. She should pay her 50% whatever, then she decides to go or not go, and OP decides if SHE wants to still go. Separate decisions and frankly none of the friend’s business what OP chooses to do.

Funny you should say that...

Your friends comprehension skills aren’t great are they! It doesn’t mention summer once!

If anything, this article is positive, as it shows scientists are working to predict when explosions will be. Making it safer for all.

Don’t lose your money op. Still go alone.

How will she know that you've cancelled? Will you have to provide some proof or what? I don't think you can cancel low cost flights as such, you just don't turn up, or try and change them for a fee. Does she want you to change them? The hotel probably has a cancellation policy up to a certain time before arrival.

If she refuses to reimburse you unless you cancel, I'd immediately end the friendship. I would not take manipulative threats like that from anyone. I'd lose money if I had to. Surely she knows that if she doesn't reimburse you the friendship is over anyway.

She’s being ridiculous but it sounds like anxiety so I expect it feels entirely rational to her. Having been there myself, I do sympathise.

Best solution seems to be to take someone else? You can pay a bit to change the name on the flight. Hotel won’t give a shit.

If my friend said to me she wouldn’t pay me what she owes me unless I do as I’m told she wouldn’t be my friend for much longer. I’d get the money and going you want to.

Sadly, I think your friendship is doomed whatever you decide. If you cancel the trip you both lose out financially and you miss a holiday. If you go alone it sounds like she won’t pay her share, so you still lose out financially. She’s catastrophising and is being unnecessarily dramatic.

The earthquakes have ceased, there is no risk. Cruise ships have returned again, holidays are going ahead as planned. There is no ongoing risk.
You could try sharing this with her: https://www.santorini-view.com/santorini-earthquake-update/

If she still won’t go, you may as well go alone rather than miss out. Santorini is wonderful! I have spent time there alone. You’ll have a lovely time. It’s really easy to travel around, it’s safe, it’s beautiful.

She needs to pay her share regardless of what you do (I’d probably go myself). She agreed to the holiday when it was booked and at that point she agreed to the amount. She can’t dictate your choice by saying she’ll only pay if you don’t go either. That’s not her choice

If I was looking now I wouldn't risk booking, but if I'd already booked I'd go ahead.

Are you happy to go on your own if your friend reimburses her half?

I think you are each responsible for your own half of the cost, so if she isn't going she needs to pay her half, irrespective of what you decide to do.

I’m not sure I would be overly keen to go but can you take someone else if you’re not worried?

I can see the mental health police are out too. Understand that she doesn’t want to go BUT to make it a restriction that she will only pay you if YOU don’t go is ridiculous.

Dont know its is just me but I am heartily sick of people using anxiety to behave the way they want.

I’d come but will be in Rome and the amalfi coast then myself, visiting Pompeii etc.

Was in Sicily last year when Etna was having mini eruptions. They even took us within about 300m. A bit nervous wracking as we had to stay within 50m of the van just in case…

Tell her to reimburse you for her share and see if you can find someone else to come with.

It sounds like she’s trying to make sure that you still go away together on her terms, OP. It’s a weird way to go about it though. Do you think she’s likely to see sense when she calms down? It’s entirely unreasonable to withhold your money when she has backed out.

Why Won’t she pay if you go, would it increase the amount that she has to pay? I think either way, the relationship is damaged. You either bend to her and resent it, or you go and she resents it.

We can't cancel without losing a lot of money and friend said she would rather pay not to go. She won't reimburse me if I go by myself though

So she wants to cancel? And that means both of you lose out financially because of the cancellation terms and conditions? But she isn't bothered because she's too scared to go? That would mean you lose out even though you want to go.

And she won't pay for her half if you go on your own?
So that means you'd have to pay for the whole lot?

Bloody hell, why do people do this to themselves and book holidays with friends. It's the sort of thing that seems like a good idea at the time until someone wants to pull out for whatever reason.

I think you should cancel and she should pay you back the amount you will lose out by cancelling. After all she said she'd pay not to go, so she should pay you back because it's her who wants to cancel or she should just pay her share and not go and let you go on your own.

I think she's being awful saying she won't pay if you do go.

There's no reason to expect an earthquake this summer but perhaps the thought of it has made her too scared to go.
I don't understand what you said about her not paying for you to go. Surely she will be willing to pay the money you've paid out so far on her behalf, deposits or whatever? If you get that back, you can work out what to do next - go with a friend or on your own.

Why does she think she doesn't have to pay her half if she decides not go but you do? I would never be booking a holiday wit this awful friend again. What a cow.

The best solution may be for someone else to go with you instead. If you can't find a replacement the original party should reimburse you if there are cancellation costs for one person not going.

I would get her to pay and then go yourself if you want. If the friendship dies it dies

or tell her to refund you and she can find somewhere else but you wont consider y and z