to think working 5am-12pm and 2pm-9pm shifts are better than working 8:30am-5pm?

[smalldebate]

DH currently works a rotating weekly shift pattern of 5am-12pm and 2pm-9pm with a decent salary. He has just been offered a job that’s 8:30am-5pm, which will then be longer from rush hour traffic. We have our first baby on the way and I personally think having him around all morning/afternoon is much better, but he wants to have a set schedule long term and thinks it will be better overall. I think he’s mad to take the job, it’s also less pay as he doesn’t get a shift bonus.

AIBU to think what he has currently is much better?

Having worked shifts for many years in the past, I am with your husband on this. Office hours makes life easier to organise and is less tiring.

I think it depends on your lifestyle and what your sleep is like. There is no chance I'd function if I started work at 5.00am!

You're only thinking about yourself

It's obviously having a very negative impact on your DH to keep these shifts

I did 2-9pm shifts as a Christmas temp one year. It meant I could get things done in the morning instead of trying to do them in the evening when I was tired

I’m thinking of our family as a whole

You don’t really seem to be thinking about the impact those hours will have on your DH long-term.

But he’s swapping between 5am starts and 9pm finishes - it’s not the same as only doing lates or earlies.

It sounds like the shifts are much too tiring for him, switching from a 3am wakeup to not getting to bed until midnight. He will get much more sleep with the more regular daytime hours. Having him well rested will surely benefit the whole family, as well as him having regular hours for organizing childcare- you have to book the same hours for every week so you can't alternate childcare hours each week. is it the same job with different hours, or a different job that he would also prefer?

You are being totally unreasonable. It's clearly unsustainable and if he's not burnt out already he will be soon! You're thinking of yourself more than him and it's a bit gross.

Those hours are nothing like the ones the OP's husband is working through.

There's a night a week where he's not getting any sleep at all.

I don't think you should expect much help with the overnights from someone working those shift patterns.

Your husband being burnt out and resenting you for making him stay in a shift pattern he hates and which is making him ill isn't the best thing for you as a whole

Rotating shift schedules are a pain with childcare. Nurseries and afterschool clubs won't let you change every week so you end up paying for a lot of stuff you don't use.

Also the only way a change of shift pattern helps him see the baby more would usually be at the expense of his own sleep. Don't forget sometimes he'll be at home but no good to you as he needs to sleep before/after a shift.

They work if both parents do opposite shifts to each other. My DD and her husband have been doing in for years and saved thousands in childcare

Exactly this! Nott to mention that fact that there's evidence to suggest that shift patterns like this result in more accidents and materially shorten workers lives. It's hard to pitch dying 5/10/15 years early as being helpful to the family...

My husband works shifts and we have a child and I would much rather he worked 9-5. There is a lot on me working full time and doing the pick ups and drop offs because he is at work. ( He does some depending on shifts) But it's a lot of stress.

I've worked earlies, lates, long days and nights etc. I'm now working regular hours (9-5) and it's given me such a better work life balance

I used to do shifts like this. It’s fucking awful. Your body clock never adjusts, you are constantly tired and you never get any social time with friends or family. If you had asked me to then look after a baby during my “free hours” on top of being sleep deprived and exhausted I would have broken completely.

I now do 6am to 6pm including my commute, and I get a good nights sleep and I’m in a better position to do everything even with a longer day.

You aren’t asking him to do something that benefits the family. You are asking him to run himself in to the ground and sacrifice himself completely.

Before he commits he should try his new commute at his new working hours. My commute is 3 times as long for an 8.30/9am start and a finish between 4.30 and 5.30. 8 miles takes 60-70 minutes door to door on peak (sadly drop offs and pick up constrain public transport options due to gaps in timetabling) and 20-22 minutes at 7am/2pm...

If he has to be out by 6.30 to get to work on time for 8.30 (not unusual) is he gaining that much. Is the stress/road rage from that commute going to add up - a set of roadworks on my route taking out 1 of the 2 motorway access points plus road layout making it "easy" to take the straight on lane then force into the left filter had me raging for weeks.

I work evenings from home part time and it’s fantastic, but that’s just what suits us. It means we need very little childcare, I’ve had both kids at home with me a lot, school holidays are much less bothersome, I’m always around during the day to attend their school stuff, I can do the school runs, I can meal prep during day so food is just ready to be served, chores are done during day. Because I WFH I still see the kids in the evenings too as they pop in and out and I use my break to do bedtime sometimes. DH works full time 8-4ish and it does make it harder for him to do stuff like the school run, although he does sometimes use his breaks to do those as he likes to do it when he can.

But I wouldn’t cope very well with very early mornings one week and lates the next. I like my morning routine! So I don’t blame him for not wanting it, but also I wouldn’t fancy working full day shifts with a reasonable commute every day for myself.

If he has to be out by 6.30 to get to work on time for 8.30 (not unusual) is he gaining that much.

Leaving at 6:30 and being at work for 5 would definitely give you a good few extra hours

I have worked these types of shift for 5 years, switching every 2 weeks, never again, I totally get your husband pov