Am I being unsupportive of ill partner?

Itsmeocathy · 2025-04-23T19:33:46+00:00

So my partner planned a visit to see their parents over Easter weekend with our DC. It’s a VERY long drive (10+ hours) so I was already dreading the journey. As we packed the bags into the car, my partner says, oh, I had a high fever last night but I’m feeling ok today. I warned them we shouldn’t visit elderly parents if ill, but they convinced me they were ok. On the night we arrive, surprise, surprise, they’re feeling much, much worse. So the next day I’m the only one socialising with their parents and the DC. Turns out it’s flu. On our day to return, they’re too ill to drive back. I’m furious we made the trip in the first place. Surely I have every right to be cross? They are making me feel like a terrible person for being pissed off.

Original poster

Itsmeocathy · 23/04/2025 20:35

I should add I don’t drive for health reasons

OP posts:

Eenameenadeeka · 23/04/2025 20:36

If their parents live that far away, I'm guessing that they don't get to visit very often? I'd think that they were just trying to be positive and thinking that they were feeling better so things would be okay, rather than letting their parents down and cancelling the visit. It's disappointing, but not something I'd be very annoyed at them for, I'm sure it wasn't intentional.

EffortlesslyInelegant · 23/04/2025 20:37

They? Have you got more than one of them?

Arlanymor · 23/04/2025 20:39

To be fair to your partner, they felt much better and clearly had thought it was an overnight thing that wasn't going to develop. I can't imagine that knowing then what they know now that they would have gone. It was a misjudgment. Which is unfortunate, but nothing big enough to fall out over. It wasn't on purpose and presumably at that distance they rarely get a chance to see their folks and didn't want to miss the opportunity.

Maybe I am reading between the lines, but it sounds as if you didn't want to go in the first place, which maybe explains your reaction, as you had to endure a long journey that you weren't keen on and then due to their illness you had to do more engaging with their parents than you would have had to do had your partner been well.

DenholmElliot11 · 23/04/2025 20:39

YABU - he can't help falling ill.

Have you been out to get him some paracetamol/vitamin C/snacks?

winersrollingin · 23/04/2025 20:40

EffortlesslyInelegant · 23/04/2025 20:37

They? Have you got more than one of them?

They as in non gender specific obvs. What would you call a baby that you don’t yet know the gender of? Get over yourself

Original poster

Itsmeocathy · 23/04/2025 20:41

No, I’m ill now too so we have to wait until I’m up to the journey before we try and go home

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EffortlesslyInelegant · 23/04/2025 20:41

Well I wouldn't call the unknown baby 'they' that's for sure. That would sound wanky don't you think?
Getting over myself as we speak darling

Original poster

Itsmeocathy · 23/04/2025 20:42

We are now stuck ill in a tiny cottage and the DC are missing school

OP posts:

LongHoliday01 · 23/04/2025 20:43

So what happened? Are you back now?

I can see why you would be peed off but it’s not their fault. A ten hour drive with kids though is hard. How often do you go?

Original poster

Itsmeocathy · 23/04/2025 20:43

And we won’t see the parents at all now

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LongHoliday01 · 23/04/2025 20:43

Oh cross post sorry. Yes that is rubbish.

Arlanymor · 23/04/2025 20:43

Itsmeocathy · 23/04/2025 20:42

We are now stuck ill in a tiny cottage and the DC are missing school

Can you not get the train back or some other form of public transport and your partner can follow on later once they are well?

CaptainFuture · 23/04/2025 20:44

Arlanymor · 23/04/2025 20:39

To be fair to your partner, they felt much better and clearly had thought it was an overnight thing that wasn't going to develop. I can't imagine that knowing then what they know now that they would have gone. It was a misjudgment. Which is unfortunate, but nothing big enough to fall out over. It wasn't on purpose and presumably at that distance they rarely get a chance to see their folks and didn't want to miss the opportunity.

Maybe I am reading between the lines, but it sounds as if you didn't want to go in the first place, which maybe explains your reaction, as you had to endure a long journey that you weren't keen on and then due to their illness you had to do more engaging with their parents than you would have had to do had your partner been well.

This, plus they would have known that there would be no other way than them driving to get to see their parents.
You're pissed off they are ill, is it OK then for them to be pissed off you don't drive due to your health so all driving will always fall to them?

gamerchick · 23/04/2025 20:45

winersrollingin · 23/04/2025 20:40

They as in non gender specific obvs. What would you call a baby that you don’t yet know the gender of? Get over yourself

Show quote history

Still irritating and jarring to read

Arlanymor · 23/04/2025 20:45

Itsmeocathy · 23/04/2025 20:43

And we won’t see the parents at all now

Eh? You've already seen them - you wrote this: So the next day I’m the only one socialising with their parents and the DC.

CaptainFuture · 23/04/2025 20:45

Itsmeocathy · 23/04/2025 20:41

No, I’m ill now too so we have to wait until I’m up to the journey before we try and go home

Do you have d&v? If you're not driving and only have to sit in the car, why can't you just bundle up and sleep on the drive?

Original poster

Itsmeocathy · 23/04/2025 20:46

Partner says they cannot drive

OP posts:

Original poster

Itsmeocathy · 23/04/2025 20:46

They still feel too ill

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NeedToKnow101 · 23/04/2025 20:48

Your partner is either male or female; why not just say so? The use of ‘they’ is incredibly annoying. Plus I thought you saw his / her parents already?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/04/2025 20:49

Why are you mad at your partner for being too ill to drive when you are too ill to do the trip anyway? Why say you won’t see parents when you’ve already seen them? Doubt your partner could have looked into the future and predict how ill you’d both feel. Yeah you are being horrible

CaptainFuture · 23/04/2025 20:51

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/04/2025 20:49

Why are you mad at your partner for being too ill to drive when you are too ill to do the trip anyway? Why say you won’t see parents when you’ve already seen them? Doubt your partner could have looked into the future and predict how ill you’d both feel. Yeah you are being horrible

This agree you're being horrible.
And you seem to ve really annoyed with your partner for being ill.
Do you expect kindness and caring from them with your health issues, or is this part of it, them being ill takes attention from you.

TheBerry · 23/04/2025 20:58

I think you’re being harsh. They thought they were better. They misjudged it. It was a mistake. Cut them some slack - it’s not like they were being malicious. Presumably you expect some grace and kindness from them when you are ill or make an error of judgement.

What health issue prevents you driving? Are they sympathetic of that?

Mumofteenandtween · 23/04/2025 21:02

It is incredibly unusual to get ill, then better, then ill again with flu. Whenever I have had flu I have gone from “just fine” to “in bed for a week” in a matter of hours. So no way to anticipate this.

doodleschnoodle · 23/04/2025 21:09

Can you reframe it? Yes it’s annoying but can you and DC not view these extra days as a bit of an extended holiday? Can you get out and go anywhere and make the most of the time together?

I think it’s a bit unfair to be annoyed, I wouldn’t cancel a trip over feeling mildly unwell the day before and your partner had no way of knowing they were going to be so unwell.

Just one of life’s mishaps.

edit: sorry missed that you are ill too! Just a bit rubbish for everyone but I wouldn’t waste energy on being angry or resentful, it’s just one of these things.