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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is getting dgms' rings resized to fit me disrespectful?

35 replies

RunLikeTheWild · 23/04/2025 14:18

I have my dgm's engagement ring and a pretty ring from DH's dgm (both dgms are dead and the rings given to me by my dm and mil).

I would love to be able to wear the rings but they will need sizing up to fit me.

Part of me feels like I shouldn't resize them as it's altering them and they won't be purely my grandmother's ring or DH's nanna's ring anymore.

But then I think i would love to wear them as both as a tribute to two beloved women and as beautiful rings.

I especially want to wear my dgm's engagement ring as I remember it as a representation of her from when I was little.

When my dd gets them she will need to get them resized again (smaller).

Is it disrespectful to get them resized now to fit me?

Yes it's disrespectful, YABU to alter the rings
No it's fine, YANBU to alter the rings

OP posts:
Ineffable23 · 23/04/2025 14:20

Totally reasonable and actually I think more respectful because if they're anything like my grandmothers they would want their rings to be worn, because beautiful things are there to be enjoyed.

Moveoverdarlin · 23/04/2025 14:21

Of course it’s not disrespectful!! It’s the opposite.

Speckson · 23/04/2025 14:22

It's the best thing you could do. I am sure neither grandmother would want their cherished rings to end up forgotten in a drawer.

sesquipedalian · 23/04/2025 14:22

“I think i would love to wear them as both as a tribute to two beloved women and as beautiful rings.”

OP, that’s a lovely sentiment, and I’m sure is what your grandmothers would have wanted. Get them resized and wear them with joy!

rubyslippers · 23/04/2025 14:22

Wear them and get them resized
Leaving them sitting in a drawer is no good

littlemissprosseco · 23/04/2025 14:22

They’ll look much lovelier on your hand than in a box
Theyll still be the same ring

Totot · 23/04/2025 14:25

If they’re that old they’ve probably had a new shank put in at some point over the years (my mum has and she’s not even 70 yet). So, I don’t think it’s any different to you extending them.

GardenGaff · 23/04/2025 14:25

I think it would be more disrespectful to leave them in a drawer, hidden away and unworn.

Pandimoanymum · 23/04/2025 14:27

Of course t's not disrespectful, it's lovely and very appropriate that you want to wear them. Much better than them lying in a box unappreciated for years. I'd be delighted if my grandaughter or grandaughter-in-law wanted to wear my jewellery, it's a tribute to them and a way of remembering them.

Original poster
RunLikeTheWild · 23/04/2025 14:27

Thank you.I feel so emotional now, yes of course you are all right, it is better than the rings sitting in a drawer getting forgotten about. It's so obvious but I was fixated on compromising the rings somehow!

OP posts:
Annascaul · 23/04/2025 14:28

Of course it’s not.
I got married with my late mother’s wedding ring, it had to be sized up about 4 sizes (she had tiny hands, I haven’t).

Pandimoanymum · 23/04/2025 14:29

Good! Get them adjusted, wear them with love and enjoy them x

SchnizelVonKrumm · 23/04/2025 14:29

Of course it's fine! Jewellery is to be worn and enjoyed! When getting them resized you could also get the setting checked (if the rings gave stones) to make sure the stones are still securely in place.

user1499114292 · 23/04/2025 14:30

I’m glad you’re going to get them resized. I inherited a cluster ring of diamonds, that had been passed to me from my mother, who had it from her aunt.
I had it turned into a pendant, which I wear always. The ring was just a bit much, and likely to catch in things. I know they’d be glad it was being enjoyed, they both loved jewellery.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 23/04/2025 14:32

When you get them resized the jeweller can also give them a good clean and polish for you.
They will look beautiful. Looking after gifted jewellery and wearing it? Now that’s the honourable thing to do.
Enjoy these beautiful pieces, and treasure them.

Lazlothevampire · 23/04/2025 14:32

No, it would be lovely of you to be able to wear them and think of those people for years to come rather than have them shut away.

I’m sure both of them would have been happy you’d want to continue wearing them.

KimberleyClark · 23/04/2025 14:35

No,they’d want you to wear and enjoy them.

Hoppinggreen · 23/04/2025 14:36

I had all of my Mums rings resized so me and DD could wear them.
The only one I didn't was her engagement ring (not to my Father) as I felt that wasn't right.
Rings are to be worn not stuck in a drawer and I think about her as I put one on

GardenGaff · 23/04/2025 14:37

I don’t have a daughter - but if I have a DIL and granddaughters I’ll be leaving them some of my jewellery with instructions that if they don’t like or want the jewellery as it is, to melt them down and use the metal and stones to make them into something that’s more their style.

But if all they chose to do, and all that was needed was a simple resize, I’d be more than happy.

Spareducedpriceoffer · 23/04/2025 14:40

You can get an independent jeweller to make multiple old rings into one new ring to your size & style.

Not a high street jeweller

Example

Claire Allain jeweller

MaidOfSteel · 23/04/2025 15:08

OP, you’ve inspired me! I have my beloved Nanna’s engagement ring (from the 1930s) just sitting in my collection. She had tiny hands so it’s very small, but I’m going to look into whether it’s possible to make it fit me. 😊

I’m sure you’ll enjoy wearing the rings of 2 much loved women, and I think they’d like that very much.

honeylulu · 23/04/2025 15:13

No not disrespectful. Better to wear them and enjoy them with fond memories of your loved ones than shove them in a drawer!

My wedding ring was my paternal grandmother's (it was my something old) and it had to be resized. I also wear a ring with turquoise stones which was my other grandmother's and had to have the clasps remade to keep the stones secure. It never occurred to me doing this would be disrespectful! They are lovely rings passed to me by two lovely ladies.

DoNoTakeNo · 23/04/2025 16:55

No it’s not disrespectful
(but I have fat fingers so screwed up with the vote, sorry)
Its a lovely thing to do.

unsync · 23/04/2025 17:12

I had to get mine reshanked. Make sure you go to a good jeweller and ask them to check the setting too. If it hasn't been done for a while, the claws could be loose or worn and you wouldn't want to lose a stone.

It might be worth asking for a valuation too, sometimes they are worth more than you think and you might need to tell your contents insurer depending on your policy.

outerspacepotato · 23/04/2025 17:14

Would you rather they sit in a box the rest of your life?

Of course get them resized.

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