My friend has been talking about me

[GoldenOrangee]

Hello,

One of my friends has been talking about me behind my back.

Short of it is - her and my cousin ended up at the same event on the weekend. Friend for no reason it would seem said some quite spiteful things about me. Took the mick out of my tattoos and the way I looked, lied and said I did some nasty things towards her when we were younger that not true and proceeded to make random diggy comments throughout the night. My cousin was rather taken aback at how out there she was being considering that's my relative that I have a good relationship with.

Cousin told me as in a 'you need to be careful who you are hanging around with' way.

I don't really know how to handle it - this friend messaged me the following day asking if I was free to meet for a catch up this week.

Part of me thinks I should just ignore and cease contact but the other part of me would rather be honest and say I know what she has been saying about me behind my back and that is why I no longer wish to be in contact.

WWYD?

Ignore and move on. Don’t make it into a “thing” - and don’t drop your cousin in it, either. You have been warned about this person, so just give them a wide berth. This person is clearly not your friend if they’ve been making snide comments about you.

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Can you 100% trust what your cousin has told you? What’s your history with the friend? I’d be inclined to give her a hearing rather than cut her off. I’d say, I heard you were with (cousin) yesterday and were talking about me, do you know why she might have said xyz? I’m guessing she knew that she was talking to your cousin?

Yes, I trust my cousin completely.

The only problem I have with this friend is she is incredibly persistent and will message and message.

I'd be glad my cousin told me the truth. I'd drop the person like a ton of bricks, She's no friend so deserves no explanation, ignore, block, moving on!

I had a similar thing happen to me. I can't remember what I did about it because I was 8 at the time.

Hope it all works out.

How did you find someone to tattoo you when you were 8??

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Was the weekend event your cousin's ninth birthday party or something?

I’d meet.
Then, when we were face to face, I’d tell her I know exactly what she said about me and watch her squirm.
I’d stay silent whilst she went through every excuse, then calmly tell her to never contact me again and get up and leave.

Well.....she won't if you block her

I'd tell her what I think of her and THEN block her

I think you’d be justified in dropping her without an explanation. She sounds absolutely horrible. She may chase you and be persistent and wonder why you’re ignoring her, but you can just let her carry on with that, you don’t have to communicate with her at all if you don’t want to. You don’t owe her anything after the way she’s behaved.

why the need to add in that you were 8 at the time? What are you trying to suggest?

Everything hangs on whether you're happy to disclose that your cousin told you everything.

If you are then tell her friends don't make things up about you, mock your appearance and generally slag you off to your family members then block her and move on.

If not, skip to the blocking and moving on part.

The only route to really avoid is making up a bullshit reason. Right now you are 100% not at fault. Best to keep it that way.

She sounds awful. If she's prepared to speak about you like that to your family members, I cannot imagine what she says to strangers!

Let her go, OP.

Ask her about it outright.

Oh, what a prick. Thankfully your cousin told you.

If it was me, I’d reply “not a hope of meeting up after what you said to X about me, you absolute cunt” and then block, but I’m a bit impulsive.

This would be my route.

I'm not impulsive but I do not have time for cuntery like this.

Surely nobody does?!

I’d reply. ‘Hi Annie, I was really surprised to get this message about meeting up after hearing about the party on Saturday night??’, and let her respond. She’ll probably come back with ‘what do you mean’, don’t respond and just let the message sit there and let her stew.

Don't be that person. You know what the poster meant for FFS 🙄

You have reason to believe your cousin and to believe the worst of this friend so I’m guessing it has not come as a huge surprise that these things have been said

I’d be tempted to say “ a few comments you have made about me have reached me from several sources over the last week / month / year ..I am taking some time to digest these and consider our friendship , I will contact you “

if she has bad mouthed you to a cousin she has almost certainly bad mouthed you to others and she will wonder who , and what was said , if leave her hanging there …

I’m sorry this has happened to you OP x

Friendship break ups can be really hard to navigate.

I would speak to your cousin to see if she’s happy for you to message your friend about what she said. Then I’d either decide to block friend without saying a word or call her / message and say how hurt you are and that the friendship is over

She’s also the worlds biggest idiot for talking about you to your family member

Yeah and the poster was being sarcastic and unkind.. hence the response! Absolutely no need for her to dig at the OP.

Why did cousin not say anything to this person while they were slagging you off? If someone was saying things about my cousin I would have challenged them.

Just tell them that you've heard what was said about you and have no interest in meeting up, ever. Then block.

I would imagine that she messaged you the next day because she thought she’d gone too far in what she said and was worried if you’ve been told or not so it was probably waiting for your response to see if you knew.
I think I’d be inclined just to reply with something along the lines of “ I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to meet at the moment as you clearly have a very low opinion of me” and then leave the ball in her court.