My friend has been talking about me

[GoldenOrangee]

Hello,

One of my friends has been talking about me behind my back.

Short of it is - her and my cousin ended up at the same event on the weekend. Friend for no reason it would seem said some quite spiteful things about me. Took the mick out of my tattoos and the way I looked, lied and said I did some nasty things towards her when we were younger that not true and proceeded to make random diggy comments throughout the night. My cousin was rather taken aback at how out there she was being considering that's my relative that I have a good relationship with.

Cousin told me as in a 'you need to be careful who you are hanging around with' way.

I don't really know how to handle it - this friend messaged me the following day asking if I was free to meet for a catch up this week.

Part of me thinks I should just ignore and cease contact but the other part of me would rather be honest and say I know what she has been saying about me behind my back and that is why I no longer wish to be in contact.

WWYD?

Not the brightest is she, choosing a family member of the person she wants to slag off.

Alcohol involved at all? Not that it gives her an excuse. Depending on how close you’ve been and for how long I think I’d maybe want some kind of explanation before I cut her off. I’d at least want to make it clear I knew exactly what she’d been up to.

That’s so peculiar of your friend, surely she knew this would get back to you? But is now acting really normal and wants to hang out soon.

These things are awkward to bring up, but I wouldn’t worry about dropping your cousin in it, your cousin told you and I’m sure your cousin has no loyalties to her/doesn’t really care about her.

Reply to her text and say something like “I’m surprised you want to meet up with me after all those things you said to my cousin on Saturday! What’s that all about?!”

Personally I'd be evasive for a few weeks (no, very busy right now, can't meet etc), then block. But that's mainly as I wouldn't want her linking it to cousin and having another person to bad mouth about locally.

Just drop her. While I'd be tempted to say exactly why, she might then take it out on your cousin; so just avoid and ignore her from now on, and give her no room to create drama

You are caught in the middle as she may have said those things or your cousin could be outright lying or has twisted things.

Think about both of their behaviour towards other people, so either of them slag other people off to you?

Always tread carefully when you hear things indirectly as even someone you think cares about you may have an ulterior motive.

I would meet up with her & ask what she has been saying.

Just reply 'no thanks'. And then repeat the same every time she contacts you (even if it makes no sense to whatever question she asks or comment she makes).

I'd pull back a bit. Be unavailable to give yourself time to reflect.

Personally I'm not hugely bothered if people talk about me when I'm not there. I'm happy in myself and I don't much give a shit if my hair/clothes/tattoos/etc give rise to comments between my friends. I don't need them to validate my choices and I'd rather they were "WTF has Moist done now" to each other than to my faceBut, which is rude.

I also respect that to other people it matters.

If this is someone you enjoy spending time with and don't much care what she says, crack on. Continue to have fun with her.

If this is something that's really hurt you, block her and move on.

Life is too short to spend it with people who make you feel bad about yourself. Life is too short to dump friends on principle if you still like them. Pick the option that works best for you.

She’s not a friend.
i wouldnt confront her. Just stop contacting her. Whenever she contacts you brush her off politely.
She’s no loss, she sounds nasty.

The timing of her text to you (the next day) suggests that your “friend” thinks there’s a good chance your cousin told you what was said. She definitely should not be surprised that your cousin has been honest with you in protecting you from such a snake.

You owe this person nothing OP, and personally I would just block and move on, but if you really feel it’s needed then you could send a brief message to say “I know what you said, so no I won’t be meeting up with you”. Then block and don’t engage any more, Anything more is a waste of your time,

“Hi! How was the festival? Beth said she ran into you and you had quite a chat”.

Her reply will tell you all you need to know.

Are you sure that your cousin isn’t jealous of your friendship with this person? It has happened before!

I would have to meet and have it out with her in a calm polite way and ask her directly why she said what she did?

She will probably deny all knowledge but that’s why I would invite my cousin to turn up five minutes later and we could get to the bottom of it. Then I would make a decision based on the outcome of that conversation.

Just reply- sorry busy having my laughable tattoos lasered off

What made her feel so comfortable to talk to your cousin about you?

Anyway, I would tell her what I had been told. If I was your cousin I would not have an issue about that. If one of my cousins friends did this I would make it clear that it was rude and odd that she felt she could bitch about my family and that I would be telling them!