To want to speak to DS without his GF?

[nomorepanicattacks]

Is it rude and disrespectful to want to meet adult DS (24) without his GF to sort out and put aside a family difference of opinion? His gf is angry that dh and I want to meet ds alone to sort of reset otherwise harmonious relationship with ds after what was essentially a crossed wire misunderstanding. Would be happy to then also discuss things with both of them together if necessary but really want a family only meet up first. No history of fallouts with ds.

But why, it's not clear if he lives with her, I'm confused by why this is a problem.

No it is not clear but why would a Mum have to arrange a formal meeting with er son if she lives with him.

I thought that she posted that it was a coffee. I occasionally have coffee with my 18 year old DS, he has a long term girlfriend but it's not a big deal, often he's seeing her afterwards as she doesn't want to necessarily be everywhere he is. I get that that is a lot younger than the OP's son but I really can't imagine it mattering even at 24!

Gf sounds controlling. My husband is obviously part of my family but some times I need to talk to other members of the family without him there - and I wouldn’t dream of being angry if he or MIL wanted to meet without me there! I would just leave them to it.

i have relationships with members of my family individually as well as in a family group though - so wouldn’t even find it weird if I I needed to talk to my dad without my mother present. They’re different people, even though they are married!

Agree with the PP who are concerned the GF may be controlling.

Of course, you’ve only heard about her anger secondhand from another party, it may not be a good reflection of the situation. But it might be worth gently probing and making sure he knows he has support and options if he needs it.

I agree with others that this is odd. Having a gf/bf does not mean you can only ever see people with them from then on. He still exists as a human individual. Does she let him go to work without her?

Actually I have suspicions that the OP may be the controlling one. The GF could be angry because she knows their game. Get him on his own and "press the reset button" with whatever they've said or done. OP even alludes to it herself. No history if fallout could mean a healthy relationship or it could mean because son is under the thumb and always goes along with what his mother wants. We all know men like that exist.

Yes, exactly!

I could have written this!! I see my son for about 10/15mins a day during the working week before he goes back to his girlfriends, every night!

I have a big birthday coming up and want to spend time with just him and his brother and GF isnt happy she isnt invited. Shes a sweet girl, but i just want to chat to him, the dynamics change when they are together.

She is welcome here anytime and im always offering to cook for them, which they rarely take up. So i totally understand what you mean.

Having read all your posts (four at this stage) YANBU if the GF has no involvement whatsoever in the dispute. In fact, I don't know why she would want to be involved and if your DS is happy to meet you on his own, he just needs to tell her that.

You are entitled to meet your son for a coffee.

So you're going off gossip then.

I would just arrange to meet your son. GF can be as angry as she wants, your relationship with DS has nothing to do with her.

Oooh, careful OP. The 'someone else' who reported that she's angry may have misunderstood or misrepresented what gf said, and caused trouble between you, knowingly or not. Just go ahead and meet Ds as planned and ignore this.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. He's your son. She's just a girlfriend.

It would be different if you didn't invite her to Christmas dinner or something like that, that was intended to be a snub. But you and your son do have a right to continue your special relationship without her always demanding to be in the middle of it.

I'd just ignore her. Apparently, your son has. :)

Go for it.

I often meet with my daughters one to one and it allows deeper more meaningful conversations to take place.

Most parents sometimes want to see their children without their partners being there and most adult children don’t always want their partners there either. It is pretty normal. I also sometimes like to see just my mum or just my dad.

His gf is angry that dh and I want to meet ds alone to sort of reset otherwise harmonious relationship with ds after what was essentially a crossed wire misunderstanding.

So you, your husband and son have had a falling out or 'crossed wires' which you say had nothing to do with his girlfriend?

Either way, he'll have been bending her ear about it in the meantime, hence why she feels protective.

Just imagine if this was a daughter you wanted to meet up for coffee & a chat and her boyfriend was angry he wasn't invited.

Then go with that. You'd be wise to not mention what you have or haven't heard from the GF second hand

Possibly more crossed wires that your son may not be impressed with.

Do not create unecessary conflict or people will start seeing the common denominator

Yes, this. The idea that the GF is angry about this is at third hand via gossip, so not something you need to take any notice of. I’d be interested in which the person who told you is shit-stirring.

I think you are unreasonable to ' sort of reset otherwise harmonious relationship with ds after what was essentially a crossed wire misunderstanding' with or without his GF. Are you sure he just isn't willing to meet you at all to be berated for percieved failings or are you planning on apologising to him for something? It just sounds so formal and like a work grievance meeting.

Sounds like an insecure girlfriend.

I've been with dh 30 years and had many lunches and coffees out with our own parents and haven't included each other. We have also been on many days out together. Just because we are together doesn't mean we each need to be involved in everything the other does.

Nothing wrong with that request for goodness sake, they're 24 and his GF not wife. She's not your daughter and the issue obviously doesn't especially concern her.

Her attitude would be giving me serious warning lights lights though. She sounds controlling, insecure and trouble in general.

Weird question OP as your son is fine with it and he's the one that counts in this.