To think that “How’s your day?” is the most annoying question?

[ThatQuirkyJoker]

I know people mean well but I find “How’s your day?” to be one of the most irritating, pointless questions. If something exciting happened, I’d probably mention it anyway. If it was a boring or bad day, I don’t really want to go into it. And half the time, it just feels like filler conversation - like the person is asking out of habit rather than actually caring about the answer.

I’d much rather someone ask something specific or just get to the point. AIBU to find this question unbearable or is it just a normal part of social interaction that I need to get over?

It is a filler question. You just reply 'fine thanks'.

I hate it and have started to answer truthfully and in full, which people either are horrified at and distance themselves. or you get into a mutually interesting conversation about ife. I don't like small talk at all. I don't like when shop assistants etc ask me

Maybe you should start the conversation first then? What would be your opening line?

I’d rather someone just jump into whatever they wanted to talk about. I don’t mind small talk - it’s just that ‘How’s your day?’ often feels like autopilot rather than interest.

I have an urge to say - very very shit thanks

Tbh if it makes you feel any better, I find people don't actually give a shit. It's just something to say, filler, it's a vocable, essentially. If you were to answer something like "I'm glad you asked, I've been going through a really rough time lately, it'll be good to get it off my chest." you'd probably find they'd backtrack very hastily.

I usually respond to this with its shit thanks for asking! It does weed out the people who are genuinely asking and those just using it as small talk and don't actually care

I feel the same about “ How are you “ to be honest, the answer is usually “terrible , thank you” but instead I’ll just ramble on that I’m fine . Cos no one really wants to hear about my mental health struggles at the moment

After thanking the Ocado driver for bringing my stuff I ask how his day is going and they reply along the lines of not bad, traffic OK today, near the end of my shift, etc. Or they ask me how my day is going.

It's a pleasant 20 seconds and they're 99.9% charming polite guys (VERY occasionally a woman)

It's just a common courtesy to have a brief exchange of words with people you are interacting with.

Yes, especially when you answer the phone at work and someone says brightly in a sing-song voice: "Good morning!! How are you today?!"

Dead giveaway that they are an annoying timewaster wanting to sell you something, most probably a new electricity/gas contract.

"I was fine until you rang" is a line I've used once or twice. 😂

One of my really close friends asks this often. I’ve started telling him I’m not replying because it’s too boring. He does have a good sense of humour, luckily 😬

Although I’m not actually joking.

yabu (edited as I accidentally wrote yanbu) - its a way of checking you haven’t had a bereavement and your not waiting on an ambulance before i start talking about mundane stuff.

I’m a bit of an anomaly apparently, because when I ask how’s your day, I really do want to know. If you are having a shit day, I want to let you rant and vent, and I will listen. If I am in a place to do so, I’ll offer help. I find when I can do this if I’m having a bad day, I will feel better so I love giving others the chance to feel better. Equally, if someone doesn’t want to share, that’s ok too, but I’ll let them know I am there if they need me.

I do. I really do.

When I’m on work calls and they start with “how are you?” I really do want to know how everyone is coping. These are tough times and we need to look out for each other.

Umm. I frequently start conversations with people I love by asking them how they are/how they slept. Depending on when we last spoke.

I mean it. If I haven't spoken to a loved one for a while, it's an invitation from me to them to let me know how things are going.

If I spoke to them last night, it's an invitation to them to tell me if they are still ok.

Neither request requires them to open their hearts to me, unless they wish to do so. But it signals (i hope) that I'm ready to listen if that's what they want.

Granted, the usual response is "fine, how about you". That's ok too.

YABU.

It is an invitation to share whatever you choose to share, or to shut it down with "fine thanks" and indicate there isn't anything you want to talk about.

If they ask you specifically about something directly, it would be much more difficult to give an 'I don't want to talk about it' shut down, and you might miss something really, really big that they need to unload.

Reminds me of this 🤣

YANBU

I think why bother asking a question when nobody is interested in the answer.
A comment in the weather would be better:

No, "Are you going anywhere nice for your holiday?" gets my vote. "Why no, I am going to an unpopular cesspit for my holidays!"

I think you'd prefer the Netherlands where people are very direct.

You'd never know it from the many threads like this one but we're social animals. Smalltalk is the Debrett's-friendly equivalent of sitting round in groups picking ticks off each other.

Thank you x

Not as annoying as “so what have you been up to?”

Can anyone suggest a better way of starting off a conversation though?

I have visions of me saying a cheery 'Hello' and the other person replying 'Oh hello Titanic' then.... an awkward silence (but, I do struggle with polite small talk generally!)

@AlteredStater my hairdresser always says ‘so where are you off too this year ‘ -which I find better