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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said no to DD10?

34 replies

WellErrr · 23/04/2025 11:13

DD has her new friend round and has been upstairs for half an hour. They have just come down with a series of posters for a cake stall. They want to bake many cakes and sell them on a stall outside the house.

We’ve had this before with DD wanting to set up stalls. I don’t like it.

  • We live on a very rural lane so hardly anyone passes anyway
  • I have just spent an hour cleaning the kitchen
  • Money is not currently plentiful and I could do with not replacing all the eggs, butter, sugar, flour etc
  • The house is full of sugar from Easter
  • I fundamentally do not like the whole idea of setting up stalls and hassling passing neighbours to buy food

So I said no as kindly as I could in front of new friend. DD not at all happy. They have spent ages making posters etc and now all ruined etc etc.
DD knows my stance on this and I see this as an attempt to shoehorn me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Hephebe · 23/04/2025 11:15

Could they not melt down some of the Easter choc for cornflake cakes and stand outside with those for a couple of hours? I used to love this kind of thing as a kid. If you manage their expectations and tell them to charge 30p per cake or similar, I think it's fine

TreeDudette · 23/04/2025 11:15

I'd give her kudos for trying and bonus marks for her attempt to shame you into this and stick to your no! Not bloody likely are you using my kitchen and all my stuff to try and make a back sale. If they wanted to make a single cake to eat themsleves I'd probably allow it depending on how much input it would take from me and how busy I was with other things.

Pillarsofsalt · 23/04/2025 11:15

You could let her bake a single cake, chop it up and try to sell it. Then take a cut to cover your costs. She sounds enterprising! Can you see it as a strength?

Needmorelego · 23/04/2025 11:16

I second the idea of cornflake cakes.

WhatNoRaisins · 23/04/2025 11:16

I don't blame you. It's you that's going to have to do the donkey work facilitating this.

If possible I might let them cobble together some crispy cakes, wouldn't let them take over the kitchen doing a mega baking session.

TeenToTwenties · 23/04/2025 11:18

Does you school hold cake sales?
You could offer for her to bake some for that next time?

Jessica5678 · 23/04/2025 11:18

Why does she want to do it - to make money? Because she likes baking? She’s seen too many videos online about lemonade stalls?

I think saying no is reasonable (I wouldn’t allow it either) but I would try and understand her motivation and see if I could agree another way for her to achieve whatever it is she wants.

rainbowstardrops · 23/04/2025 11:18

I get the mess and using your ingredients but at least they’re being entrepreneurial and not sitting watching a screen!

minipie · 23/04/2025 11:18

I’ve also said no to this kind of thing in the past, mainly for the last reason alone. I don’t want neighbours and passers by feeling guilted into buying stuff.

Ablondiebutagoody · 23/04/2025 11:18

Poor kid. Let her do it

juneisjuly · 23/04/2025 11:19

I would let them make some cakes for themselves
but I agree about the sitting outside harassing neighbours, no way would I allow that.

WhatNoRaisins · 23/04/2025 11:20

Besides anything a lot of people never have cash on them these days. They'd need a card reader.

scandalito · 23/04/2025 11:21

My kids do this sometimes. I just go with it, they make some money, no one is pressured or hassled. It’s fun for them. If they do make money you could tax a little for the costs.

Original poster
WellErrr · 23/04/2025 11:22

Thank you.

Yes it would absolutely be me doing the donkey work!

I technically could make the time if absolutely necessary but my child patience bank is totally empty. If I’m being completely honest.

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 23/04/2025 11:23

Kids don't control everything. I wouldn't have it either OP, YANBU.

If it was a pre planned cake making day (without bake sale) then I'd be the first to go all out as I love those types of activities. But two 10 year olds deciding out of the blue that they're going to make a huge mess in my kitchen, no thanks.

Also if she knows it's a no then I'd be having a conversation about the way she went about this, using her friend to try and get what she wants.

AllTangledUpInDaisiesAndDiadems · 23/04/2025 11:26

YANBU to have said no. But I don't think you need to turn it into a negative thing - she's likely just got excited about something that she really likes the idea of, rather than trying to get one up on you, and actually it shows an entrepreneurial spirit and a keenness to work to make money, both of which are actually good attributes.

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 23/04/2025 11:34

I would tell her she can do it at May half term, or in the summer holidays - there will be more 'passing trade' then. They could even maybe do it at the local playground as it's less likely to just be your next-door neighbour! HOWEVER:

  1. She has to buy the raw ingredients herself. And no raiding her piggy-bank, she has to earn the money especially for the project, so she can really see the value of it. Maybe write up a list of chores and how much they're worth and she can earn it that way? Look up the cost of the ingredients online and have her work out how much she'll need to spend for a few different recipes and what's reasonable to charge, so she can see which would have the best margin.
  2. They can use the kitchen to make them on the understanding that they then also clean up afterwards until it's SPOTLESS - and make sure they do.
  3. No hard-selling or extortionate prices
  4. Maybe discuss some ideas for making the stall more appealing - a tablecloth they pick up in a charity shop maybe, bunting they make themselves, ensuring there's no litter anywhere around
  5. Stress the importance of food hygiene. Insist they wash their hands thoroughly (watch videos on the best way to do it) before they bake, and encourage them to use tongs rather than their hands to serve them, and keep the cakes covered from flies etc
  6. A percentage of the profits for charity would be nice! Maybe take the opportunity to talk about various worthy causes and support a smaller local charity?

That would be my approach anyway!

rosemarble · 23/04/2025 11:34

For now (with her friend being over) you need to just say no and that you'll discuss it later. Then when the friend is gone, say what you've said here but in an age-appropriate way that allows her to see how it impacts you w/o making her feel too awful.

Then I'd def plan a time when she can do some baking - say (as a PP says) for a school bake sale or to give to someone.

wizzywig · 23/04/2025 11:35

Let her pay for part of the ingredients from pocket / birthday money.

Ihad2Strokes · 23/04/2025 11:38

Ablondiebutagoody · 23/04/2025 11:18

Poor kid. Let her do it

Are you offering to go around and clean up after 2 10 -year-olds have baked? That's so kind of you.

dairydebris · 23/04/2025 11:38

Hephebe · 23/04/2025 11:15

Could they not melt down some of the Easter choc for cornflake cakes and stand outside with those for a couple of hours? I used to love this kind of thing as a kid. If you manage their expectations and tell them to charge 30p per cake or similar, I think it's fine

I third this. Great idea.

Original poster
WellErrr · 23/04/2025 11:39

I think the trouble is that there is a running theme at the moment of the older kids (10 and 12) asking me for unreasonable things/tasks/expectations etc, then doing the guilt trip when I say no. And surprisingly, having always been nice kids, they’re showing signs of turning into entitled little brats.

The reality is that I am doing it alone, my husband is supportive but works in another country for weeks at a time, the kids are very emotionally hard labour at the moment and I’ve just had enough. They do loads of activities, they have one serious sport each which usually takes both weekend days between them, I have friends over whenever I can. But it is never enough, they always just want more!

OP posts:
Ihad2Strokes · 23/04/2025 11:40

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 23/04/2025 11:34

I would tell her she can do it at May half term, or in the summer holidays - there will be more 'passing trade' then. They could even maybe do it at the local playground as it's less likely to just be your next-door neighbour! HOWEVER:

  1. She has to buy the raw ingredients herself. And no raiding her piggy-bank, she has to earn the money especially for the project, so she can really see the value of it. Maybe write up a list of chores and how much they're worth and she can earn it that way? Look up the cost of the ingredients online and have her work out how much she'll need to spend for a few different recipes and what's reasonable to charge, so she can see which would have the best margin.
  2. They can use the kitchen to make them on the understanding that they then also clean up afterwards until it's SPOTLESS - and make sure they do.
  3. No hard-selling or extortionate prices
  4. Maybe discuss some ideas for making the stall more appealing - a tablecloth they pick up in a charity shop maybe, bunting they make themselves, ensuring there's no litter anywhere around
  5. Stress the importance of food hygiene. Insist they wash their hands thoroughly (watch videos on the best way to do it) before they bake, and encourage them to use tongs rather than their hands to serve them, and keep the cakes covered from flies etc
  6. A percentage of the profits for charity would be nice! Maybe take the opportunity to talk about various worthy causes and support a smaller local charity?

That would be my approach anyway!

Yeah, that should put them right off the idea!!🤣🤣

CandyCane457 · 23/04/2025 11:42

Bless her, and I think it’s a great idea, love her entrepreneurial attitude, but it won’t harm her to learn a life lesson from this. As a ten year old, bless her, her and her friend can’t just decide on a whim to do this, make a load of posters and plan it all out, without checking for permission first. Your reasons for not wanting to do it (freshly cleaned kitchen, cost etc) are all very valid.
My mum would never have agreed to this on a whim when I was ten. It would be something that would be needed to be properly planned out beforehand. Your daughter may be upset now, but she will cope. I’m sure we were all upset for similar reasons multiple times when we were young.

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 23/04/2025 11:42

Ihad2Strokes · 23/04/2025 11:40

Yeah, that should put them right off the idea!!🤣🤣

Show quote history

It should! My mum did similar with me when I wanted to hold a pet show in the garden at that age! It's a reality check, but if she's determined it could bring out her entrepreneurial side.

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