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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said no to DD10?

34 replies

WellErrr · 23/04/2025 11:13

DD has her new friend round and has been upstairs for half an hour. They have just come down with a series of posters for a cake stall. They want to bake many cakes and sell them on a stall outside the house.

We’ve had this before with DD wanting to set up stalls. I don’t like it.

  • We live on a very rural lane so hardly anyone passes anyway
  • I have just spent an hour cleaning the kitchen
  • Money is not currently plentiful and I could do with not replacing all the eggs, butter, sugar, flour etc
  • The house is full of sugar from Easter
  • I fundamentally do not like the whole idea of setting up stalls and hassling passing neighbours to buy food

So I said no as kindly as I could in front of new friend. DD not at all happy. They have spent ages making posters etc and now all ruined etc etc.
DD knows my stance on this and I see this as an attempt to shoehorn me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Mrsdyna · 23/04/2025 11:43

Let her do it, it's a good learning experience either way.

Ihad2Strokes · 23/04/2025 11:43

WellErrr · 23/04/2025 11:39

I think the trouble is that there is a running theme at the moment of the older kids (10 and 12) asking me for unreasonable things/tasks/expectations etc, then doing the guilt trip when I say no. And surprisingly, having always been nice kids, they’re showing signs of turning into entitled little brats.

The reality is that I am doing it alone, my husband is supportive but works in another country for weeks at a time, the kids are very emotionally hard labour at the moment and I’ve just had enough. They do loads of activities, they have one serious sport each which usually takes both weekend days between them, I have friends over whenever I can. But it is never enough, they always just want more!

It is hard work!!

When are yours back at school next week?

in SE England, they are back this week! I'm sure I could hear the collective sigh of parents yesterday morning.

BodenCardiganNot · 23/04/2025 11:44

My kids used to do it. My neighbours kids do it now. I think it's great!

Timmygnome · 23/04/2025 11:45

She should of asked you first , before she did the poster
Suggest they go to the friends mums house ,I'm sure she will want the mess expense and time supervising them ..not

itsnotabouthepasta · 23/04/2025 11:48

Honestly, it's something thats a really popular thing in my village.

My daughter held a bake sale on our driveway two years ago to raise money for the hospital, and we raised £300. Two weeks ago, her football team held a bake sale to raise funds for an upcoming tournament on our local playing field, and we raised over £500.

The girls heavily got involved in designing posters, sharing details of it with family members, helping to bake the cakes and sell them - we took some photos of her at each stage which contributed towards one of her brownie badges.

Is there a way you can set up a specific time/date and get her to work towards planning something properly? That way, she's taking ownership of it and feeling that you are supporting her to do it.

Cherrytree86 · 23/04/2025 11:49

Ablondiebutagoody · 23/04/2025 11:18

Poor kid. Let her do it

@Ablondiebutagoody

Op sounds absolutely exhausted and doesn’t want to have to clean her kitchen all over again. Try having some empathy for her.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 23/04/2025 11:56

WellErrr · 23/04/2025 11:39

I think the trouble is that there is a running theme at the moment of the older kids (10 and 12) asking me for unreasonable things/tasks/expectations etc, then doing the guilt trip when I say no. And surprisingly, having always been nice kids, they’re showing signs of turning into entitled little brats.

The reality is that I am doing it alone, my husband is supportive but works in another country for weeks at a time, the kids are very emotionally hard labour at the moment and I’ve just had enough. They do loads of activities, they have one serious sport each which usually takes both weekend days between them, I have friends over whenever I can. But it is never enough, they always just want more!

Yes, children are emotionally hard labour.

How good are you at saying 'no' to children? Do you say it enough? IMHO it gets easier with practice. The first several dozen occasions are the hardest.
You just have to say no, mean it, and refuse to engage further. If they try whining and wheedling then they get sent to their rooms or other place away from you, because that is bad behaviour.
You have to train them that you mean what you say, and won't tolerate whining.

(Although to be honest if they are 10 and 12 and you have not taken this approach since toddlerhood, it may be that the ship has sailed and you have now made a rod for your own back.)

Never, ever, ever give in once you have said 'no'.
Don't ever feel guilty for saying 'no'. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

TheSandgroper · 23/04/2025 12:07

With DC aged 10 and 12, grit your teeth for the next 8 years. Puberty is going to turn you into the most unreasonable parent God ever put on the earth to procreate your children.

Nothing to do with the growing teens turning into entitled brats, oh no, not them. They are going to spend the next years being perfectly sane, reasonable and polite to their mother.

Just so you know…

Bbq1 · 23/04/2025 14:40

Aww, I remember my brother and I setting up a stall in about 1980. I think it was odds and ends for charity and we made a few quid. It's something kids enjoy doing. You could have supervised them making a few simple cornflake cakes and gone along with it after they had made posters.

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