Feel sad that my children hate school so much

[FrozenFishFinger]

This is not a stealth boast about how gifted and talented my kids are or anything.

They are both at primary. It's a state school but it's considered to be a really good one and we're in a pretty well to do area so there's plenty of resources and the PTA raises loads of money.

They are both bright and get 'exceeding expectations for age group' or 'greater depth learning' in all their subject assessments. I'm not saying they're exceptional. Just at the high end of the range of abilities for their classes.

What makes me sad is that they both are starting to say they hate school because they find it boring and too easy. I get the impression from them, as well as some other parents I've spoken to, and comms from the school itself, that the majority of teaching is pitched at the kids who are still not where they need to be after Covid lockdowns and are trying to catch them up in time for SATS.

My two have lovely groups of friends - no bullying issues or anything like that. By all other measures they are doing well, but they are just bored and it's getting harder to motivate them. Every morning it's negativity and whining and the school reluctance is increasing. Obviously they still go in every day but then at pick up when I ask how their day was the answer is always 'boring'.

For a while I thought it was just standard kids stuff and that it's normal for them to say they 'hate school'. But lately it genuinely seems to be making them both seem a bit down. Like 'what's the point of going in?' and I'm finding it really concerning.

I just feel like I'm failing them somehow but I don't really know what I can do. If I could afford it, I'd send them both private but the school fees round here are astronomical. Wondered if IABU to be getting worried?

I would try and focus on the fact that they have nice groups of friends and are getting great assessment reports.

I'd also talk to the Head about my concerns and take things from there.

Have you looked at any other state schools locally?

My two were both relatively high achievers (like yours - not G&T but worked hard and were bright) and the fact that we're in a middle school area worked well for us - they were both ready to move by the end of Y4 to a new and more interesting and rigorous environment. What years are yours in?

Honestly 90% of kids say school is "boring"! And lots of kids don't particularly want to go. It doesn't mean they are miserable all day there. If you are feeding their natural curiosity and intelligence outside of school then they will be fine. Also when they get to high school they will have more opportunities to show their potential.

Have you tried talking to the teachers? There must be something they can do! Maybe fostering their leadership skills if they are are ahead of their classes, so get them to help out, or give them more challenging stuff to do so that they are not bored. There are things like inter-school competitions they can look to get into (as a way of fostering higher ability children to keep engaging?), I just don't know what is there in your area.
As long as you come across as wanting them to be stretched rather than "entertained", I am sure the teachers will be supportive.
Best of luck!

How old are your children? My son was bored to tears in Year 6, it was mainly revision for SATS, then the SATS. He had a residential trip and practicing for a end of school performance. It was a pointless year, in all honesty! He's now Year 9, at secondary school, and enjoys school. He's come on leaps and bounds since starting secondary school in Year 7.

Very similar set up here. Easy to say "raise with the school" but in my experience teachers will say something to make you feel better and very little will be followed through. It's not their fault, they have 30 kids to deal with and need to focus their energy on the ones that need to improve.

But it's very disheartening to see a bright child slowly becoming more and more disillusioned as they have to study the same concepts over and over again when they understood them the first time around.

I have to say, it got soooooo much better for us when eldest child went to secondary school. They are thriving on being challenged and stretched. I now just need to get the youngest through their last year and hope they come out the other end not completely put off education!

YANBU, but its hard to know what the alternative is! Definitely try raising with the school/teachers, as there is (theoretically), lots they could do if they can muster the energy and resources. Otherwise, you could look at flexi-schooling or home education if these would be possible for you? I'd agree that secondary school will probably be better, and stretch them more, so be more enjoyable.

Loads of children will have a brilliant day and then go home and tell the parent it was boring. I worked in a school so I am not just relying on my child's perspective of their day. Plus the narrative I had from my childhood was that school was rubbish, we couldn't wait for the summer holidays and you were weird if you liked school. Children are told this by their parents.

I told my children early on, you are not there to be entertained, you are there to learn. Be thankful that you find the work easy (although even the brightest will suddenly get brain block and can't do the next question) and maybe you could ask the teacher if you can do peer on peer teaching which does benefit the higher ability children as well as the lower ability children they help.

Maybe also talk to the teachers to ask their take on it. Honestly? Teachers teach to the middle ability, they have work to challenge the children who complete it and then spend time helping the low ability children keep up. What I will say is that each lesson isn't that long to spend on a topic, they do core subjects in the morning, maths, English and in my child's school 30 minutes of reading time. There is also registration, correction of work time and a break in all of that too. Then in the afternoon there is PE, art, geography, history, science, music and tech. If KS1 then another break.

There is nothing wrong with children being bored. We don't have to keep them entertained all the time either in school or at home. Feeling discomfort is a normal part of life. I am bored shitless doing laundry, still have to do it though.

Years 5 and 6 are awful and can break a child from liking school no matter what their level (for different reasons) it is the system that is the issue

A good lesson for them to ,earn that life is not all roses and jolly

I could have written this a couple of years ago. Our experience (Ofsted Outstanding state school in a wealthy area of London) was that the kids were required to meet the basic expectations of the curriculum and that was it, everything was focussed on getting everybody to the acceptable level, as it should be, and managing behaviour. The more capable children would finish quickly then be expected to colour or help the other children with the work. We asked for extension work for DC if they finished early in class which the teacher agreed to in principle but whenever DC asked for it they were told it wasn’t available.

DC rapidly lost interest in school, said it was boring every day and really lost their love for learning. We moved to an independent school and it is immeasurably better, but of course that comes with a very big cost. For us it was worth it and they thriving, working at the appropriate level for their ability and are so much happier.

Could they apply for scholarships to private school?

Mine are in these years and I completely agree. It is systemic. Individually the teachers are lovely - there are so many great things about the school. But it just seems to be the way subjects are taught that sucks the joy out of learning. My youngest used to love maths but has been completely turned off the subject over the years by the curriculum.

It breaks my heart that they no longer look forward to going and feel that being at school is a waste of time.

And I know I'm going to sound like 'that parent', but the salt gets rubbed into the wound when my kids put themselves up for school council or to be a class prefect or whatever, and they consistenly get overlooked in favour of the struggling kids who get given the roles because I guess the thinking is it will help boost their confidence. My eldest applied for school council every single year and never got in. It was always the struggling kids or the children of people who work at the school who get the places.

My youngest plays a sport really well - is part of a competitive local team and also goes to the after school club for that particular sport. Yet never in three years have they been chosen to represent the school at that sport. It's always the kids who have parents that work at the school who get picked. After a while it gets demoralising.

It just feels like everything is pitched at bringing the struggling and middling kids up, and the brighter ones get ignored because 'they're doing fine'.

We do as much as we can outside of the school day to add to and enhance their learning but such a large part of their day is spent at school it's hard to mitigate how much of an impact their time spent there is having on their outlook.

Yes, exactly this. I wish so much we could afford to send them to an independent school but the fees for two of them would be £100k a year. It's just unthinkable for us. Even if we cancelled Netflix and never went on holiday!

Ironically, I always assumed they wouldn't be bright enough for a scholarship! In thought scholarship kids were always the truly exceptional ones. Maybe I'll look into it. I have a feeling that we may be on that annoying income threshold where we earn too much to qualify.

Well the Year 6 child has one term left before secondary and things change dramatically there. Plenty of more opportunities to shine.

Once the eldest is in secondary you can use this as motivation for the youngster who will only have one more school year left before they go go secondary, "look at sibling, only 2 more terms then you can try chess club or whatever"

So in theory you only have one more term with both of them not seeing that secondary is much harder academically, so they should be more interested in lessons, and is much fairer for tryouts for sports teams.

Not long now OP. Just have to keep saying the right things to keep them motivated, it will be summer holidays before you know it.

School is boring to be fair.
i don't think it's boring because your children are smarter than the others and the work is too easy- I think it's likely boring because the ways schools teach isn't engaging for children at all.

I think having loads of kids in one classroom is a bad way to educate anyone.

I remember when I was in school. I wanted to learn. But the whole class would be taken up by a couple of the boys messing around and interrupting the lesson. And the teacher then disciplining them. I didn't learn much

The later primary years are boring ☹️ There isn't an easy answer, you have to teach the whole class and bring those struggling up to a very level of course that is the most important thing. But there are only so many times you can practise the same concept that you got first time round before your eyes glaze over a bit. I remember it at school, and it was the same with DC. But a good secondary will be a difficult world. There are sets, top set kids are pushed more, there are more subjects including brand new ones to learn, and expectations will be higher. Yours don't have long to go, the time will fly really!

Talk to the school, let them know even if there is little they can do about it.

Ask the school if they are being given extension work, and remember that in a couple of years they will be at secondary school with some children who will be much brighter than they are.

posters on these threads always blame the education system. State schools cannot possibly replicate private schools in terms of class size and opportunities offered. That is why they’re so expensive. Private schools usually do not deal with SEN which impacts on learning and class management unless they are a specialist setting. The average state primary will have 30 in a class with a wide range of ability and SEN and behavioural issues, frequently with little TA support these days. How would critics suggest a poorly funded education system deals with the issues it is increasingly faced with when money is not available? Suggesting taxation increases is not a vote winner for any party!

My youngest plays a sport really well - is part of a competitive local team and also goes to the after school club for that particular sport. Yet never in three years have they been chosen to represent the school at that sport. It's always the kids who have parents that work at the school who get picked. After a while it gets demoralising.
Similar thing with my DCs comprehensive school, except it was the academic kids who got overlooked and the sporty ones got all the attention and praise. DS is academic, consistently did really well in exams (top in year group type-thing) but never once got any recognition from school in a formal sense, despite the school having special assemblies, prize giving etc for “achievement” which invariably went to the sporty kids.
It’s a school that’s fortunate enough to have ‘produced’ three famous sports stars in a short space of time, so they really big this up in their social media, their school literature etc and more importantly in the money spent on school activities.
Over the years I got sick to death of constantly seeing sporty kids encouraged and lauded and parents being asked to donate to projects related to the schools ‘sporting achievements’ (based on their luck in having the three sports stars go there) whilst kids like my son got no recognition or particular encouragement. It was never about wanting the academic kids to get the attention instead of the sporty ones- just a bit of equal consideration and encouragement . To be honest it bothered me much more than DS, but even he noticed it eventually. Was not at all surprised to see the schools social media accounts on A Level results day. Loads of schools were posting on Twitter congratulating pupils and mentioning those who’d done particularly well. DS smashed his A levels and secured his Oxbridge place - for which he’d done a lot of extra work and preparation - not a peep about him, or any of their A level kids- despite being the only kid in that cohort to get an Oxbridge offer. Not bad going for a kid from a low income family at an ordinary comp, if I say so myself.
Just felt like all through those years it was very much a case of “the bright ones are doing fine” and that’s enough, no need to stimulate or stretch and encourage them, contrasted with constant riding on the coattails of the successful sports stars.

It's a long day at school and it's often boring. I can understand why they're unhappy, I remember finding school such a boring slog.

£100k a year for school fees for 2? I’m in an expensive area and it’s nowhere near that much. Maybe you need to look again?

Just speak to the teachers.