Feel sad that my children hate school so much

[FrozenFishFinger]

This is not a stealth boast about how gifted and talented my kids are or anything.

They are both at primary. It's a state school but it's considered to be a really good one and we're in a pretty well to do area so there's plenty of resources and the PTA raises loads of money.

They are both bright and get 'exceeding expectations for age group' or 'greater depth learning' in all their subject assessments. I'm not saying they're exceptional. Just at the high end of the range of abilities for their classes.

What makes me sad is that they both are starting to say they hate school because they find it boring and too easy. I get the impression from them, as well as some other parents I've spoken to, and comms from the school itself, that the majority of teaching is pitched at the kids who are still not where they need to be after Covid lockdowns and are trying to catch them up in time for SATS.

My two have lovely groups of friends - no bullying issues or anything like that. By all other measures they are doing well, but they are just bored and it's getting harder to motivate them. Every morning it's negativity and whining and the school reluctance is increasing. Obviously they still go in every day but then at pick up when I ask how their day was the answer is always 'boring'.

For a while I thought it was just standard kids stuff and that it's normal for them to say they 'hate school'. But lately it genuinely seems to be making them both seem a bit down. Like 'what's the point of going in?' and I'm finding it really concerning.

I just feel like I'm failing them somehow but I don't really know what I can do. If I could afford it, I'd send them both private but the school fees round here are astronomical. Wondered if IABU to be getting worried?

I just did and it's actually more like £60k for the annual fees for two. But that's not including VAT, 2 x uniforms, sports kit, etc...

Not much change from £100k when you add it all together.

It just feels like everything is pitched at bringing the struggling and middling kids up, and the brighter ones get ignored because 'they're doing fine'
And this is probably what makes it a "good school" on paper......there are standards that kids are expected to meet so they're making sure as many as possible meet them. Sadly there's less motivation to stretch the ones that will easily meet the standards.
£100k for private school sounds way too high, our "expensive" independent is £22k a year in the later years of primary. Even the boarding school is only £11,600 per term with the new VAT rates added.

Hopefully their secondary school will stretch them. Unfortunately my DS's experience was that years 7,8,9 were deadly boring and he pretty much switched off education for good. That was in a school that also had a very strong emphasis on maximising the results of the lower/middle achievers (which I very much agree with politically, but I did wish my DS had been more stimulated/stretched).

Nonsense on the Sen point.

round here all the private schools have a significant SEN register. In fact it is often why kids have been taken out of state and put into private.

so be careful of sweeping statements.

of course SEN needs can be addressed in a more targeted way in smaller classes and with additional staff and in turn that means kids stress levels and behaviour also improve.

but most private school will have a significant SEN register and a specialised team to support those children.

I think primary is boring now. It’s become so rigid compared to school in the 1980s. We spent a lot of time doing various projects that wouldn’t be allowed now and watching BBC schools programmes, having lessons outside on sunny days.

DD spent most of the day doing maths and English and tiny amounts of art etc. when you got to secondary you do a much broader range of subjects each week which breaks everything up, as well as changing classrooms etc.

Year 6 is far far too focused on SATS. DD went into lockdown and didn’t do hers. School then didn’t have anything else for them to do anyway. It’s all they cared about.

Yep. Lots of the primary curriculum is incredibly boring. Blame Gove. He wanted to bring in a ‘rigorous, traditional’ curriculum which translated as lots of boring, pointless facts which aren’t really learning anything useful or in any great depth. And I say that as a KS2 teacher.

Pre-2014 and the curriculum changes, we used to do loads of lovely, creative projects. Loads of drama, art, science projects. There was time to follow the children’s interests. Now, there isn’t a spare second in the day as we have so many pointless facts to cram into their heads.
It’s shit.

My ds was the same. Happy and engaged until the end of year 4, then bored senseless and increasingly angry and miserable, as the teaching staff focused on those who had fallen behind, in the run up to SATs. They left the more able children to their own devices.

I organised a lot of out-of-school activities, puzzles, home projects etc. and found a tutor to prep ds for an independent scholarship application.

He cheered up as soon as he moved school.

Mine's on a scholarship and it costs me £10k a year which, while being a huge stretch for me, is nowhere near £50k per child.

Perhaps look a little further afield.

This is weird as year 5 in my school is one of the best - every kid in this school can't wait to year 5 as it's Shakespeare's year - the school takes part in Shakespeare for Schools and the kids do a play in an actual theatre with other schools - primary or secondary - and it's great.

and we are talking of a school where more than 60% have English as a second language, but seeing kids that only were learning English one year ago reciting Shakespeare on a stage is amazing

My youngest DD is the same. She's my last one of 4 to go through primary school and it feels so different now to when my eldest went through. I struggle to see what she's really learning (although I know she is), she's never enthusiastic about school even though she is really bright and exceeds expectations. It just feels like school is a lot less fun. Barely any trips now. We were always off doing something when I was there.

If I could home educate I 100000% would

There’s a lot of bringing up to minimum in primary and let the rest fester basically because all the teachers and ta time gets spent on those way under.

Ive two in secondary and one in primary and since covid it’s all gone down hill. My primary school child has one school trip the entire year so far compared to previous years.

I’ll be glad when she’s in secondary though year 11 just seems to be constant mocks and extra lessons even in the holidays for some children till it’s now the real thing I like year 9/10 😅

Have you asked the teacher if they can set a challenge task at the end?
One of my children is quite academic and is in year 5 but there is always an extra challenge or the teacher adds on something additional for certain children to include or do in their work
He loves year 5 and I think that is down to the teacher who will add in further details and my son seems to hang onto his every word.
However if I asked him about school in general he would also probably say it's boring and he doesn't actually like English or some other subjects and he would much rather be home playing video games 🙄

Most kids don’t particularly enjoy going to school. Neither of my two enjoy going to school. Perhaps they are bored but that’s life and is a lesson initself. If it’s such a good school they should be able to differentiate the curriculum to your G&L children. My child went out with a small group for more in-depth enrichment but at the end of the day, it will be hard to make it amazing and fun for all children all of the time.

Children peak at different times and it works both ways so they may find it more challenging as they progress and other children may find it easier so the field will level out and lessons might be less boring. I had a child that would be considered G&T at the end of year 6/start of year 7. Scored 129 in CAT type score and unfortunately they are struggling to keep up to the hype of G&T. They were ‘predicted’ A* in every subject based on how G&T they were but in year 11 and close to GCSE they are no where near A *and in English scraped pass in their mock.

We can only do what we can to help and guide them but ultimately it’s difficult to control how well they’ll do academically so as long as they’re happy in general - ie have friends etc then we’re doing good as parents.

I don’t know why some of it’s highlighted, it wasn’t intentional 🤣

So much has been sacrificed on the altar of 'inclusiveness'. Nothing else seems to matter and I believe that, not only is it a betrayal of many able children but a looming disaster for the country as a whole.

I was a teacher (primary and secondary) but got so disillusioned with the shenanigans (as you say, manipulating anything vaguely competitive to produce an acceptable, virtue-signalling result). I'd had enough when I was instructed not to allow able children to 'read on' in a class reader if their less able peers couldn't do so. I could see these poor children getting bored and their perky enthusiasm draining away.

I subverted things to ensure they were allowed to steam ahead where possible...but I had to keep it secret. I didn't stay in teaching!

Yes! The reading on thing. I remember my eldest telling me they weren’t allowed to read any more of a particular book because they’d be too far ahead. I just thought WTF.

They do ask for extra challenges when they’ve finished their set work, but I think it’s just an extra worksheet or something and they rattle through it quite quickly so they’re still at a loose end until the lesson finishes.

There’s definitely something about the way subjects are taught. Or the classroom setting, maybe? My youngest has just spent the Easter holidays memorising the periodic table and getting me to test them (!). But somehow, science at school doesn’t grab them in the same way.

The year 5 Shakespeare thing sounds brilliant. I wish ours did something like that.

but I think it’s just an extra worksheet or something and they rattle through it quite quickly

Why not talk to the teacher to clarify what they are doing. Yes sometimes it is an extra worksheet, but often this would be of greater difficulty.
What would you like to see them offered?

At parents evening I found out my other child (still quite able but not as much as their older brother) often goes slow so they don't have to get onto the challenge as they say 'it's too difficult' (when actually they could have a go if they bothered and pushed themselves). Have you actually seen that your children have completed every single task and the challenge every time? Or are they also thinking they don't want to do the extra because it's 'boring' or 'hard'? What did the teachers say at your parents evening about them?

I would perhaps talk to them about why the extra sheet is there, depending on school they might only hand out the challenge to those who finish and ask, whereas other schools now include it for everyone on one page (with the assumption and knowledge that not all children will complete everything).

Not sure where you live but £30k/year (incl vat) at senior school level is the norm around my way.
Uniform for both would come to under 1k for the year, some items can be bought from the high street, whereas others are branded, and there are a lot of second hand sales.
Therefore, about £61k for the year. Very very expensive, of course. but not £100k expensive.
There are some expensive school trips abroad, which the majority of pupils won’t go on (as overseas trips are usually limited to about 50 pupils) so there is no feeling of missing out in this respect.

DS is an able child and he’s currently loving year 4. What makes it for him is the fact that the school focus is not just on academic work- they do forest school all the way up to year 6 and it’s a highlight of his week. It balances out the fact that he finds the core subjects easy - although the teacher does encourage a healthy competition with another more able child to push on his learning.

yes some of it is boring - but he is developing in a lot of different ways ( and it’s an environment where less academic children also thrive)

Its a world away from his last school where the he was basically treated as an additional TA