What's your attitude to money?

[Anditsallhowitgoes]

It stresses me out. There's a lot of pressure to be very good at managing it and to save constantly. There's also pressure to go out to nice restaurants, holidays, get your hair done, beauty treatments and so on.
Who wants to date/socialise with someone who can never afford anything?
I know people will say moderation, but it looks different for everyone, especially if you live alone or have expensive childcare costs and so on.
Some friends of mine will only eat at expensive restaurants, I mean I understand they favour quality as who doesn't, but it's often not within my budget unless I only order a starter.

I'm not a spender but I find it hard to keep up with those around me, plus I have a credit card debt to pay. The reason I have debt is because I used every spare penny I had towards buying my home and lived on my card for some time. It wasn't ideal but it meant buying at the time rather than prolonging it.

Anyway sorry this is a bit of a ramble now but I just want to know how people do it. How often do you eat out? How much fun money do you have per week/month, what's the secret?

I don't have any debt and don't live beyond my means. I don't care what other people do and don't try and match them.

That is good, what about when it comes to socialising? I don't try to match people or live beyond my means, but I feel like a killjoy constantly saying I can't afford xyz. It makes me wonder how they've got so much more disposable income.

I totally get you OP. I’m only working 22.5 hours a week while my children are very small and feel as though money is constantly at the forefront of my mind. No debt though

It's impossible to say because incomes and outgoings are all different.

Neither DH nor I are particularly spendy and have never had the need to "keep up". We do what we want.

We rarely eat out because we think it's a waste unless it's Michelin starred - once a flood - and I mean probably once a year. Occasionally for convenience, a couple of times a week on holiday.

Dates/days out can be a walk and a picnic, gallery and a coffee.

I travel a lot for work (freelancer) so have to use the credit card to pay for flights and hotels. It is paid off in full every month.
I save every month as well.
I paid off my mortgage in 2016.
I used to eat out quite a bit, but have cut down as I no longer feel it is good value for money and prefer my own, possibly more healthy, cooking.
I go on holiday - my choice.
I get my hair done regularly - my choice.
I have "beauty treatments" - my choice.
I feel no pressure to keep up with anyone and do not overspend.
When working I do earn a lot, so there is always about 2 years' earnings in the savings pot, just in case.
Horses for courses.

I've never felt pressure to go to fancy restaurants, go on holidays, get beauty treatments or hair done.

I expect people who do have a large salary or put it all on credit cards.

It's really tough, I know how it feels. I've had friends who were very wealthy and it was sometimes embarrassing to say that I couldn't afford to do certain things.

I economise all the time to afford ‘treats’ - I rarely watch tv so only have free view, cheap sim only phone and economise on all other utilities, nothing on finance, drive 12 year old car, fill the freezer full of yellow sticker food, never buy takeaways etc
This allows me to have frequent holidays, weekends away and eat out when I fancy it

This precisely

Clearly, those people either earn more or are getting into debt in order to socialise.

I earn a good salary, have modest bills and don’t have children. I also have debts because I have, in the past, spent beyond my means. Others wouldn’t do that.

I am very spendy. Too spendy. Payday is next week. Will go into overdraft tmrw. I don't have debts except mortgage but spending as I do means I don't save as much as I want to.

Firstly, good for you for posting about this and looking at your finances and your relationship with money.
Budgeting is the way ahead. Make a list/ spreadsheet of all of your necessary outgoings in a year - some bills are monthly and some aren’t. Include anything and everything that you have to pay, whether you want to or not. Car service, boiler service, annual boosters for the dog etc as well as mortgage, gas/ electric, insurances, Sky etc etc etc.
^ Divide by 12 and put this, every month, into a dedicated bills account.
Now divide up what’s left of your monthly income into categories like food, saving for Christmas and paying off the credit card.
Getting shot of this debt is your number one priority. Don’t go to expensive restaurants until you’re debt free. Explain to friends that you’re on a money diet and would love to see them for a walk and a coffee rather then a meal.
Look up Dave Ramsey and listen to his YouTube videos for some back to basics, no nonsense inspiration.
Good luck with it all

I’m naturally frugal but I live on disability benefits so I consider the value to me of every £ I spend. For example I have a monthly haircut and colour £45 but I only have one functional arm so it’s worth every penny
Also knowing the difference between need and want.
I buy secondhand where possible and never buy new without an offer or code
I I live a simple life, but I have everything I need.

You go for coffee instead - fancy coffee place isn’t as much as dinner or lunch.
Or you go less-I stead of 3-4 times you go out once or twice.
Or bond over a hobby- gym, etc

I think it also depends where you live and Tue culture there. So for example the last place I lived was very middle class, affluent etc. however the norm was to do dinner at each others houses, walk up hills and meet for coffee at home. So all very easy to keep up with. My current place is the opposite and we can't afford it. Whilst you don't want to keep up with jones' it's very hard maintaining friendships with ppl who want to do expensive things.

I earn a reasonable salary but would live within my means even if I earned much less. My parents had very little and I definitely learnt that you go without if you can't afford it.

My only debt is my mortgage and I managed to save each month (have hit the overpayment limit on mortgage). I'll cut back more when the DC go to uni. I know I spend a fair bit that I can cut back on but it helps me to cope (e.g. takeaways when work is really busy/stressful)

I'm not great with money. I do have some savings, but I'm very much a spender.
I'm not always in debt, but I will go through periods of owing money on my credit card.
However, I enjoy my life- meals out, holidays and all. There's no pockets in shrouds after all.
I think my attitude comes from me being a fairly optimistic person- I usually feel everything will turn out ok.

I don't get stressed by it. I'm not a very sociable person so I don't get any pressure to spend money going out. I just go out with DH and dcs and we don't eat out much, we always take a packed lunch out with us. I'll go for a coffee or lunch out occasionally but generally to fairly inexpensive places, and it's not often (once a year) so I don't worry about the cost.
I don't spend any money getting my hair done or on beauty treatments. We do spend fun money on trips out as a family, but that's planned to be within our means and is a mix of free activities and some paid ones. We don't have any pressure to do those, we just pick out things that we like the sound of and we go as a family, not with other families, so it's purely our decision.

This ^

and
I've never felt pressure to go to fancy restaurants, go on holidays, get beauty treatments or hair done.

This ^

I save up for things I want that are a treat.
Realising how hard it was to save, I wouldn't then blow that on something I didn't think was good vfm.

To the extent that, now we are free from childcare costs and mortgages, and have both got to the top of our careers / earning power, and I do have money in the bank to spend as we want, I still prefer to get 'value for money' for anything I spend. I am quite staggered at what some people spend on 'luxuries' or 'treats'.

Can you take the lead on plans and make suggestions that fit with your budget? Maybe a picnic & play frisbee in the park, or a walk through a lovely park/outdoor beauty spot, etc, meet for coffee & cake. Your friends might enjoy something that is different, doesn’t just involve sitting, eating & spending money.

Can you budget for one fancy meal out a month to try to be able to join your friends?

congratulations on buying your home!

I was brought up to save and not buy something if I can't afford it. No buying on credit etc. I have largely stuck to that, mortgage and car loan no withstanding. It does mean we are a one car house and don't get a holiday every year, and only go abroad once in a blue moon, eat out once every few months ( usually lunch), buy second hand clothes mostly etc but I can afford a decent haircut regularly and activities for the kids and I don't worry about money. I'd take that over several holidays a year on the credit card.

First post nails it. 💯 agree.

I like managing my money. I have spreadsheets and financial plans. I am my own / the family Finance Director. Sadly my DH passed away, and ive had to step up to get my finances and our DCs family finances in order (inc uni costs too). I’m now also a full, sole Power of attorney for an elderly relative and managing her finances too, now that she is in a care home. I have had a very good professional Financial Advisor to help me with all this.

i get quite a kick out of managing the finances effectively and responsibly for everyone. It doesn’t phase me.

We manage ok but could do so much better!

• use groupon and discount sites a lot for days out / meals and occasional treatments - birthday haircut was £20 at a posh salon in the city centre
• spread things out over a longer period so don’t go for meals every time your asked, go every second or third time
• don’t do things just because someone else is!
• suggest cheaper options to the group - you are definitely never the only one thinking it, people rarely want to be the one to raise it!
• I always google cheapest way to do X and look for discount codes or offers - so generally go to cinema on Tuesday or Wednesday using 241 meerkat code, buy theatre tickets on discount sites,
• Have recently suggested we pay for our own meals rather than split when out with a group so people can eat what they want on their own budget - most people are more than happy doing this but just didn’t want to be the one to suggest it!!

My online banking tells me how much I have left to spend after direct debit bills each month and I stick to that for ‘fun’ spending. I put some money into a savings account on pay day.

I eat out about 1-3 times a week on average at just average price places. Hair cut about once a year, I dye it myself. No beauty treatments. My friends are similar and don’t have a high maintenance ‘look’ so I don’t feel pressure to keep up with that.

I find it hard with unexpected bills though. Things like something going wrong round the house or with the car. School trips away for the kids. They are always growing out of their clothes and needing new shoes. Loads of insurance bills. I have savings but it feels like there are so many boring things to pay for