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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ILs “gifting” home

242 replies

Zingtang · 22/04/2025 22:19

So I’m writing this on behalf of my sister. Shes not a mumnsetter but I told her she would get great advice.

Sister’s ILs are well off. They have offered to buy a home for my sister and her husband. BUT they would want the property in their name in case of divorce. They would charge no rent. Sister has been saving for a house deposit for the best part of a decade. ILs suggest she buys an investment property with her husband if she wants to iwn property.

This is the set up for all the ILs kids who are married. They have had contracts drawn up so they are not turfed out if there was a falling out etc.

Sister is dead set against it. I say why the hell not! She wants a home that feels entirely hers ie she would feel a lodger with this set up.

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 22/04/2025 22:19

Any unmarried IL children?

Original poster
Zingtang · 22/04/2025 22:20

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 22/04/2025 22:19

Any unmarried IL children?

ILs have 5 children. Three married.

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 22/04/2025 22:21

Zingtang · 22/04/2025 22:20

ILs have 5 children. Three married.

Show quote history

Can you put in a good word for me with the other two?

crumblingschools · 22/04/2025 22:21

Who pays for repairs etc?

TimeForTeaAndG · 22/04/2025 22:22

I'm with your sister. Who is responsible for the upkeep and if it's not the ILs then why should she put any money into a property she doesn't own?

It feels very controlling by the ILs.

Original poster
Zingtang · 22/04/2025 22:24

crumblingschools · 22/04/2025 22:21

Who pays for repairs etc?

Good question. Will ask.

But think of all the money saved not paying a mortgage. Who the hell cares!

OP posts:
OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 22/04/2025 22:24

I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole to be honest.

She'd be forever living in someone else's house rather than her own.

And also, look how many MNet threads there's been over the years where inlaws use their money to control.

Inlaws paying for properties or private schooling very often causes problems down the line, when they think it gives them a say in things.

Littletreefrog · 22/04/2025 22:26

Sounds lovely in theory but I wouldn't do it if I could afford to buy myself. If they want to make things equal with the other children they can put money in trust for their DS or future grand children but I wouldn't want to live in a house owned by my PIL with contracts etc in place should I fall out with their DS.

AmateurNoun · 22/04/2025 22:26

I'd stick it in a trust instead if I were them. Make the son the life tenant, with it going to children when he dies. That would protect it in case of a divorce.

I'd feel happy to live in a property held in a trust on behalf of my husband, but would feel a bit weird living in a house that my PIL were still the owners of.

abracadabra1980 · 22/04/2025 22:34

I agree it seems very controlling by the IL's. I'd feel very uncomfortable about it and would want my own chance to climb the property ladder and earn some equity.

CardinalCat · 22/04/2025 22:35

This makes zero sense from an inheritance tax point of view, apart from anything else. I am presuming given their wealth they will be above the threshold and when they die, then unless they are also leaving a shitload of cash / insurance policies to pay the tax bill, you’ll find yourselves inheriting a house that you have to sell or mortgage to pay the tax bill on. Bananas.

TimeForTeaAndG · 22/04/2025 22:37

Zingtang · 22/04/2025 22:24

Good question. Will ask.

But think of all the money saved not paying a mortgage. Who the hell cares!

Show quote history

Except they're advising buying an investment property....so she'd still have a mortgage but on a house she isn't living in with, presumably increased cost die to then being a landlord....

viking11 · 22/04/2025 22:37

I would bite there hand off and save my money for an investment property to leave DC.

WoodyOwl · 22/04/2025 22:41

Why not try it? Live there for 3-5 years and save like mad. Once she has enough she can buy a place of her own and move in or rent it out. Just because she lives there for a bit doesn't mean she has to live there forever.

Love51 · 22/04/2025 22:46

I had this conversation with my mum as some friends of hers owned their son and dils home. They might not have been as wealthy as your sisters ILs though. I said I'd be fine as the child in that scenario but not the in law. One major consideration is that you don't know the inside of the PILs marriage. If they divorce could you (your sister) lose the house?
Also I like my inlaws, but I'd go off them quickly if I felt indebted like that. I want to invite people over out of joy, not obligation. I'm pleased to be an adult with a home if my own / our own, not dependant on inlaws. Even though I'm obligated to go to work!

Left · 22/04/2025 22:50

Do your sister and her partner get freedom to choose the property, or will the in laws choose one?

Is the budget enough for a suitable property to be bought?

Will the in laws try and influence the location of the property, or is there freedom to choose this?

Can they decorate how they wish?

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 22/04/2025 23:09

Was about to say but someone else has said it above- they are just going to be clobbered with a huge inheritance tax bill when the in laws pass. And if they split up, Dsis has zero right to stay in the family home. They aren’t about to turf their son out are they. For all of sister’s savings you don’t know what’s around the corner. Her earnings could take a massive hit (likely if they start a family) and house prices could skyrocket. If the relationship ends she could find herself homeless with not enough to buy something for herself, and what about the marital assets? The house is out of the equation and HE could even have a claim over HER savings/property.
Far too risky when they have enough to buy for themselves. In a marriage finances are shared, that’s the deal you enter into. This is not sharing finances because even if your sister benefits from it initially he will always benefit far more from this arrangement.

There’s also a sense of pride in doing it for yourself and no idea what the in-laws would expect in return. Huge gifts are rarely without strings IME….

Lucia573 · 22/04/2025 23:10

Makes no sense from an inheritance tax point of view. A gift would make more financial sense.

BendingSpoons · 22/04/2025 23:16

I would rather buy my own home. If the ILs want to buy a property, they can buy a BTL and give them the rental income.

parietal · 22/04/2025 23:21

I agree sister would be effectively a lodger. It would only be worth it is she and her dh were strategically going save like crazy for 5 years in the IL house and then buy their own.

but sister needs to decide this with her dh. And it sounds like her ILs might well be too controlling to let that happen.

GarageBlues · 22/04/2025 23:21

It is not in her best interest. I’m sure the husband will be keen, but she needs independent financial advice.

Gcsunnyside23 · 22/04/2025 23:21

I'd go for it and purchase a home of my own as security down the line

Hastentoadd · 22/04/2025 23:21

Zingtang · 22/04/2025 22:24

Good question. Will ask.

But think of all the money saved not paying a mortgage. Who the hell cares!

Show quote history

But what about new kitchens / bathrooms, work to gardens, possible new windows, painting , over the years your sis and husband could have invested 100k into a house that your sister has no claim on

Would she have to agree all changes to the house with them?

There are a lot of things that need to be bottomed out but if done right could be good for your sister

DoYouReally · 22/04/2025 23:21

I would happily live rent free for as long as possible if anyone wanted to give me a free house.

I would absolutely save like mad so in the event it went sour, I would have enough to buy from cash at that stage.

tootsfan · 22/04/2025 23:21

i would ask her to take legal advice. It will count as their second home, therefore will be taxed massively when they die. Do not let her go into this arrangement without investigating further, as she may need to move out on their death to cover the tax costs