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Original poster

ILs “gifting” home

242 replies

Zingtang · 22/04/2025 22:19

So I’m writing this on behalf of my sister. Shes not a mumnsetter but I told her she would get great advice.

Sister’s ILs are well off. They have offered to buy a home for my sister and her husband. BUT they would want the property in their name in case of divorce. They would charge no rent. Sister has been saving for a house deposit for the best part of a decade. ILs suggest she buys an investment property with her husband if she wants to iwn property.

This is the set up for all the ILs kids who are married. They have had contracts drawn up so they are not turfed out if there was a falling out etc.

Sister is dead set against it. I say why the hell not! She wants a home that feels entirely hers ie she would feel a lodger with this set up.

OP posts:
Whynotaxthisyear · 22/04/2025 23:23

I wouldn’t do this long term though it’s could be good to save for a couple of years if that was on offer.
would the ILs be willing to gift a house deposit instead? They risk losing it if the couple split but it would be much less money.

Hastentoadd · 22/04/2025 23:23

Zingtang · 22/04/2025 22:19

So I’m writing this on behalf of my sister. Shes not a mumnsetter but I told her she would get great advice.

Sister’s ILs are well off. They have offered to buy a home for my sister and her husband. BUT they would want the property in their name in case of divorce. They would charge no rent. Sister has been saving for a house deposit for the best part of a decade. ILs suggest she buys an investment property with her husband if she wants to iwn property.

This is the set up for all the ILs kids who are married. They have had contracts drawn up so they are not turfed out if there was a falling out etc.

Sister is dead set against it. I say why the hell not! She wants a home that feels entirely hers ie she would feel a lodger with this set up.

Could the in-laws move in when they are older and expect to be cared for, it is their house after all and they ( your sis and her husband) will feel like they owe them a favour…..could get complicated

Are they From the Asian community?

Whynotaxthisyear · 22/04/2025 23:24

AmateurNoun · 22/04/2025 22:26

I'd stick it in a trust instead if I were them. Make the son the life tenant, with it going to children when he dies. That would protect it in case of a divorce.

I'd feel happy to live in a property held in a trust on behalf of my husband, but would feel a bit weird living in a house that my PIL were still the owners of.

And if you divorced how would you live?

UncharteredWaters · 22/04/2025 23:28

Imagine if the son died - in laws aren’t going to want her there then.
Id not touch it. Or live in it and make sure I had a mortgage elsewhere and no contact with in laws

ReadingSoManyThreads · 22/04/2025 23:31

I'm with your sister on this. It's one thing if the IL's are offering to give them the money for them to buy their own home, but they aren't.

This will not be your sister's own home and god forbid they divorce, she loses her home and gets no equity from it. Don't forget properties grow in capital over the years, more so than interest in an ISA would for example.

Yes, she could buy an investment property, but that might affect her tax thresholds etc. and not everyone wants to be a Landlord and all the hassle that comes with that.

If her IL's own the home she lives in, as others have said there is the issue of inheritance tax (if they even leave the home to them!) There is also the issue of control, will they have a set of keys, will they pop in unannounced whenever they feel like it etc.?

No thank you. I'd rather buy my own house and have my own sense of achievement and control over my own home and finances.

MeganM3 · 22/04/2025 23:36

I wouldn’t assume it to be controlling. It seems a kind and generous offer to me.
And as for keeping it in their name, I can see why they feel that’s important too - imagine how it would feel to buy your child and their partner a house and for a lot of the money to be taken away from your child in the case of divorce.
But they are offering a free roof over their heads.
Sounds sensible to buy an investment property with all the money saved - which can be an income for her. Sounds like she is very lucky to have this opportunity TBH.
Relationships with in-laws are rarely straightforward anyway. Might as well live in a nice house, if one is on offer.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 23/04/2025 00:23

I had a friend with that arrangement. They invited us over for lunch one day, only the father was there, feet up on the sofa, tv remote control in his hand, requesting this and that.

I’d rather live in a small rented home, but have the freedom to live how I wanted to, and to not answer the door if I didn’t feel like it.

It’s not a good deal if there are conditions attached.

Ponderingwindow · 23/04/2025 00:28

The first time the house needed a 20k+ repair the strains of this arrangement would show. Will inlaws foot the bill or is SIL expected to pay without any hope of recouping her costs. The mortgage is not the only expense of living in a home.

Ohthatsabitshit · 23/04/2025 00:34

God that would be a definite “no thank you” from me. Buying a house together is a big thing in a marriage. Thank them for being so kind to try and help but tell her standing on your own two feet is nicer.

Christmasbear1 · 23/04/2025 00:36

Do it for a few years to save money?

HomeTheatreSystem · 23/04/2025 00:36

If the relationship ends she could find herself homeless with not enough to buy something for herself, and what about the marital assets? The house is out of the equation and HE could even have a claim over HER savings/property.

@nodlikeyouwerelistening makes a very good point here.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 23/04/2025 00:47

Eh… it’s an interesting idea.

Sister could invest her money in a relatively aggressive investment thereby keeping her money as a safety net.

For this to work she’d have to prioritize saving and investing and she’d have extra in the fact she’d not be paying room… but would pay her share of the bills. No taking time out of work… or if she does DH offsets whatever the level of investment loss be. but basically they treat the house as DH’s financially while she (or they as in the offset) continues her savings/investing.

As for upkeep on the IL bought house her DH pays for all of that.

in theory then she could buy an investment property or just continue to invest having her safety net in the case of divorce. If there is no divorce then what would happen if he died? Chances are she’d inherit unless the IL’s put further stipulations… but again chances are that they are dead long before DH is.

In other words I’d tell her not to look at this emotionally but to draft out the ‘what if’ scenarios. She could very much come out ahead in the case of a divorce.

123EndOfRope67 · 23/04/2025 00:49

No. Just no.

Boreded · 23/04/2025 01:11

They’re risking everything if they need to go in a care home or even if they die then there will be inheritance tax if they bought 5 houses for their kids…

BigHeadBertha · 23/04/2025 01:12

I agree with your sister. I would not even start playing that game. It's not a freebie, it's a trap.

She wisely doesn't want free rent in exchange for not being an owner of her own home and being under her in-laws' thumb.

If she bought a rental house of her own, that further separates her and her husband's finances. She and her husband should purchase their home together, with both of their names on it only.

I think these "gifts with strings" don't tend to work out well because the true thought behind them is ugly. It is not to help. It's to control and divide.

When I give my grown kids something, it's theirs, period. They can do what they want with it, though I hope their desire wouldn't be to try to cut their spouse out of it. I'd only insist on keeping my name on something if one of them was feeble-minded and therefore vulnerable to being cheated or scammed.

I think your sister is wise to continue insisting on being a full partner in her marriage and with their home, without his parents involving themselves. If they really want to help out their kids rather than attempt to purchase control and diminish the spouses, they could easily, simply, just write a check.

Boreded · 23/04/2025 01:13

Let them buy a house, they can let you live in it. But then you and husband jointly buy another property that you rent out. That way you still buy a family home, but you don’t risk losing everything

Anotherparkingthread · 23/04/2025 01:42

Everybody on this thread is fucking mental lol.

It's a free house to live in. Sil isn't forbidden from buying her own investment. Sil isn't prisoner in this house. Sil can benefit from this arrangement for 10 years then decide to move away/seperste from husband/join the circus and nothing will have changed for her except she will have had her own living expenses severely cushioned for 10 years. She could buy a house and rent it which she could likely never do while paying a mortgage and have it paid off in that time.

This is properly a looking a gift horse in the mouth situation.

Nobody cares about parents taxes / retirements. For all we know they are gazillionares. We don't need to speculate on if they will get state funded care after owning 5 houses or how much tax they will pay, we haven't been asked to give them any financial advice and we have no fucking idea what their set up is or what it will be when they die (which could be 30+ years from now).

Appleblum · 23/04/2025 01:47

My cousin had a similar set up. My aunt gifted them a house and it was transferred to the couple's names. They had an agreement that in the case of a divorce they had to return my aunt the market value of the house at the time of marriage, and the couple were only entitled to any increase in the house's value.

My cousin divorced recently and the agreement was honoured. They had no kids.

FortyElephants · 23/04/2025 02:51

I'd move into it and save like mad, when we had enough between us to put a deposit on a house of our own I'd say thanks very much for the opportunity ILs and move out. Why wouldn't you, rather than pay rent??

MayaPinion · 23/04/2025 03:03

So currently your DSis and DBIL can’t afford to buy? In that case I’d smile sweetly, say nothing but thank you, take the rent free house, and save like mad for 3 or 4 years to get the a substantial deposit together to buy a home. They’ll save a fortune in rent and that can be used to build their future. Even if they split they should amass a tidy sum.

BizzyLizzyDooDah · 23/04/2025 03:48

Anotherparkingthread · 23/04/2025 01:42

Everybody on this thread is fucking mental lol.

It's a free house to live in. Sil isn't forbidden from buying her own investment. Sil isn't prisoner in this house. Sil can benefit from this arrangement for 10 years then decide to move away/seperste from husband/join the circus and nothing will have changed for her except she will have had her own living expenses severely cushioned for 10 years. She could buy a house and rent it which she could likely never do while paying a mortgage and have it paid off in that time.

This is properly a looking a gift horse in the mouth situation.

Nobody cares about parents taxes / retirements. For all we know they are gazillionares. We don't need to speculate on if they will get state funded care after owning 5 houses or how much tax they will pay, we haven't been asked to give them any financial advice and we have no fucking idea what their set up is or what it will be when they die (which could be 30+ years from now).

Makes note of posters username in order to avoid any possible future advice!

stripedrollerskates · 23/04/2025 03:54

Zingtang · 22/04/2025 22:24

Good question. Will ask.

But think of all the money saved not paying a mortgage. Who the hell cares!

Show quote history

It’s to ensure she gets nothing if they divorce. That’s not a good set-up.

CSectionUncertainty · 23/04/2025 05:21

Absolutely no way! Your sister is very wise to want nothing to do with this. ILs are literally concocting this plan to do her out of any settlement if they divorce, so it won’t end well. And that’s before all the tax consequences that would also have a negative impact.

A close friend of mine actually had this exact scenario except it was her parents who bought the house instead of her ILs. Ended up with the parents turfing friend, her DH and their young DC out of the house at short notice when a financial issue arose unexpectedly for the parents and they needed the cash relatively quickly. My friend and DH had been sensible and saved like mad in the 4ish years they’d lived there but she and her family ended up essentially homeless and had to live with her parents for a year while they looked for an appropriate property to buy in an area that worked for jobs and DC school and for the purchase to go through.

the worst bit was her parents weren’t at all apologetic and in fact expected friend and DH to be grateful for the time “allowed” in the house! No way for 2 grown adult professionals to live IMO and caused major issues in family relationships that are still ongoing 6 years later. The parents recently offered some more financial “assistance” but the couple sensibly said “no thanks” this time.

JoshLymanSwagger · 23/04/2025 05:34

It will never be her house.

She'd be a fool to spend even 1p of her money on paint, wallpaper or flooring, never mind a new kitchen, bathroom or replacement CH system or windows.

No Thanks.

Zanatdy · 23/04/2025 05:36

I’d definitely have mixed feelings. It all depends on how controlling / interfering the in-laws are. Will it be held against them? Fact she is not wanting to do it gives us the answer.