Wrong or Right?

[McSteamyorMcdreamy]

Man 20. Virgin. Impressionable. Just starting his drinking/dating journey.

38 year old woman. 5 children with 4 different Dads (one in prison). Offers it on a plate.

Mother is neighbours and friends with 38yo woman, says they are both adults and can do what they want to.

Man 20 is my nephew.

YABU - Leave him alone. He's an adult. Nothing wrong with it.

YANBU - It's all types of wrong and you are completely within your rights to be disgusted with the woman and SIL.

So bloody furious at the moment!!

You can be as disgusted as you like but, unless he is mentally incapacitated, there isn't anything you can do about it.

@Ohmeohmygoodness agreed, but am I right in being disgusted with it??

I clearly will not say a thing. He is an adult. He is not incapacitated.

To be honest I find it weird that you know your 20 year old nephew is a virgin

I can understand why you wouldn't like it but he's an adult

I am very close to his Sister who is equally as disgusted as me.

Your whole post is weird. Why are you linking drinking and dating? Why are you discussing your nephew's sex life with his sister? Why does she know if he's a virgin or not, and how is it any of your business?

Do you think your nephew would be happy knowing you're discussing him?

@KrisAkabusi

Because if you knew that side of my family you would understand.

I wanted better for my niece's and nephew. Eldest Niece has pulled herself up by the bootlaces. Don't want Nephew being dragged back down.

Why is everything a 'journey' these days?

You are making loads of assumptions here. It’s hardly likely to come to anything is it?

Make sure he knows he needs to use condoms, every time. Not only because his new girlfriend sounds pretty lax about contraception, but to avoid the risk of sexually transmitted infections. He doesn't want to start his adult life with a nasty itch and paying child maintenance for the next 18 years.

The way you describe her makes you sound like a dick. Are you equally as disparaging about the 4 feckless men that got her pregnant and then abandoned their kid(s)?

Single mothers are usually single because the father(s) couldn’t be arsed to grow up and take responsibility for the child they created.

I am more concerned that a near on 40 year old woman finds a man nearly double her age attractive.

....... couldn't give a damn if my description of her makes me sound like a dick. It is an accurate description of her current situation/lifestyle.

Op he's old enough, what is your problem??

Should have just said that then rather than bringing up her parental status, which has nothing to do with your actual concern.🙄

@shellyleppard because if my 21 year old daughter decided to get together with my 38 year old male neighbour (who also had the same amount of kids with different partners - no sexism) I would be really upset!

It's weird surely? Which was the point of my main post.

Yanbu to be disgusted. At all. Unfortunately, you can only hope he'll manage to get it out of his system without becoming a father.

That’s even weirder! Discussing an adult’s sex life with his sister

Fgs, it's not weird at all.
Of course his mum will have a pretty good idea of whether he has had a sexual relationship yet & discussing her concerns about this new relationship with her own sister is not "weird".

Of course the OP & her sister are right to be concerned about a naive young man of 20 getting involved with a woman nearly twice his age!
The only one being "weird" here is you for thinking they should just accept it and think it's OK.

You clearly just posted here wanting a boatload of people to tell you how disgusting it is, you think it's disgusting that's your opinion but why do you need that validating?

Because most views are different to yours now are you going to change your views? Or are you just going to argue with everyone who disagrees with you?

Why is that weird?
They aren't "discussing his sex life", they are talking about their concerns that he might be being taking advantage of surely?

If this was a 20 year old woman and a 38 year old man i expect the responses here would be very different!

This story immediately sprung to mine. I don’t think you’re wrong to be concerned.

https://www.merseyside.police.uk/news/merseyside/news/2023/november/woman-sentenced-to-life-in-prison-for-murder-of-kasey-anderson/

If you read the family’s side she was 23 years older and started the relationship when he was around 19.

@McSteamyorMcdreamy but its not your daughter is it?? Its your nephew who is old enough to make up his own mind who he has sex with!?

I would be very uncomfortable about it, but there’s nothing you can do except talk to him about the importance of condoms if you get the opportunity. If he’s not careful he’ll be linked through a child with her for the rest of his life.

Well I would be as concerned as the OP is my nephew who is a similar age was making the same decisions.

What is so odd about that? I'm close with my family so i can totally imagine being consulted in the same way. It absolutely sounds like a naive young man is being taken advantage of by a much older woman.

Again, i wonder if you and others would view this situation differently if it were a 20 year old woman & 38 year old man...

Update. He did sleep with her. They didn't use anything. She's on the injection. SIL told immediate family that Nephew is in a relationship.

Nephew told SIL.

SIL has since found out she wasn't on the injection. Nephew has told her nothing will be happening in future. Woman is apparently devastated, but is now sitting at SILs having a drink.

Maybe even more angry and disgusted with the situation than I was before, but more at SIL than anything.

Thankyou to all the messages, supportive, accusatory and judgemental!!