DP won’t reach out to his daughter

[MrsPicklalott]

Hi,

DP and I have been together for 4 years, he has one biological child, she’s 25 now. When we met she was living abroad, we believe in Lebanon or Jordan. She met a man from wherever she moved to at 18 while at uni, dropped out and moved with him, converted to Islam etc. She cut all ties with DP and her mum.

We found out recently she has moved back, some things aren’t clear, we know she has multiple children, we know she is back in her home town and we know she is heavily involved with the church in the town (maybe working for them we aren’t sure). We only know this as my DP still has a friend in the town (he left the town when we met). We aren’t clear on many things such as where the man she married is, if they are still married etc. We don’t know how many children she has or their ages etc. All we know from this friend is she is working for the church (Catholic) so we assume no longer practicing Islam and has children with her.

I’ve begged DP to reach out, I’ve found a Facebook page of hers which seems to have been last used in 2024 so she may still be using it. Otherwise we know the church she seems to be involved with and can go up and try and find her.

I have adult children of my own and I can’t imagine ever being in a position where this is the predicament but if I were I’d be on the first train to them and holding them so tight.

My DP is reluctant saying she would have reached out if she wanted to, and we need to give her space.

AIBU to be upset he hasn’t reached out? Should he?

She's probably been the victim of coercive control. She may feel that after what she did, she can't reach out to her parents again.

She's had children while still very young - 25 is no age - and lord only knows what she has been through in the meantime! I'm sorry but I couldn't just let that go!

Even stranger that the mother hadn't sent her a friend request or turned up at the church

Her husband maybe convinced her that all her family hate her own

I couldn't look at my DP the same way again if I was you.
She sounds vulnerable and as though she has been through a lot, he's her dad, he should try at least once.

Stay out of it.

Friendship fall out, racism and discrimination http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/5321733-friendship-fall-out-racism-and-discrimination?msgid=-5321733#-5321733

Is this the daughter?! Seems so similar

I think you have to walk in someone’s shoe to judge the on something like it
there’s very obviously a lot more to this and massive back story

you can’t give honest advice and be judge and jury by reading a few lines of one sided text

Can the friend who told you about this pass a message from DP that he would love to see her but respect her privacy and give her his contact info? That way she can decide if she wants to see him and won't feel pushed. Ofcourse your DP has to want this

You had and still have the option to date / live with your DP or not. I’d not want to date someone who didn’t have contact with their adult DC for his stated reasons and wasn’t seeking to re establish contact.

Other than that, not your business.

Is the mother reaching out to her?

sorry but your dh is an arse. He should be a grown up and reach out once more.

Of course it can hurt if the daughter doesn't want to speak to him. It will be hugely upsetting for her.

I imagine having your daughter cut all contact to the point you don’t even know which country she is must be terrifying. At the moment he knows she is alive and where she is and presumably she is safe..? Perhaps he is scared of rocking the boat and her moving and him not knowing she is safe and well. it’s hard to know, but you’ve said he recently found out that she is back so give him some time.