I think I’ve been husband stitched

[Fannycrevasse]

I had a baby in January and DH and I haven’t had PIV since we conceived in May last year. Quite a few reasons for this, mostly my incompetent cervix and our history of early miscarriage as a result. Plus it just not being a priority over other, normal affection.

We attempted it last night, but we quite quickly discovered there’s just no way of getting past the first few cm’s and it feels like the whole thing just gets seriously narrow all of a sudden a few cm’s back and the pain was worse than childbirth so we obviously stopped.

I had a 2nd degree tear this time, and In my first birth I had an episiotomy (I have 2 children) and sex afterwards was completely normal so I know this isn’t normal if that makes sense?

It genuinely feels like either something has been stitched too tight or something hasn’t healed correctly? I’m just wondering whether this is a common experience when you tear and we just need to keep trying or whether I need to go and speak to my GP?

You need to speak to your GP. Doesn't sound normal.

I would phone the midwifery team at the hospital where you were stitched and get a gynae examination.

However, I would also very gently say that both your mind and body have been through a huge amount, and may you need alot more intimacy and connection with your partner? How are things between you more generally?

It took me about eight months after my episiotomy to be recovered enough for that, was too painful before.

You’ve only tried once

just give it a bit of time before making any conclusions

try again, take time for yourself beforehand, relax

if again and again, then progress

I’d recommend seeing your gp but also paying privately for a mummy mot.

We’re in a good place and pretty much always have been honestly. Together 17 years, on the same page on most things and have each others backs. He does a lot of the childcare and housework, I’d say we have a pretty even split of responsibility.

Even though we’ve not had PIV we’ve done other things throughout and the affection/ connection hasn’t suffered. We’re both not that bothered about long periods without PIV, he’s comfortable with this too.

Whatever is happening is definitely mechanical, this is vulgar but DH says it’s like a ‘tube of smarties’ - too small and feels like there’s no ‘give’ at all, he said he couldn’t have gone any further even if I’d not been in pain if that makes sense.

This has been a suggestion from elsewhere too so I’ll look into that, thank you!

I would see a women's health physio, long wait on NHS, so you would probably need to go private.

Have you had a feel around yourself? Warm bath, lots of lube and time uninterrupted?

You can get vaginal dilators from boots which are softer silicone to help with stretching (which I imagine might be changed with scarring and healing possibly) but definitely having it checked medically too.

Yes, but not far enough up to find where it narrows significantly - we were fine for the first couple of inches and then it was like hitting a wall which is why I think we’ve not found it an issue previously. DH also had a feel after we abandoned the attempt and could just about feel where it changes. It could be scar tissue healing too tightly at one point and not that I’ve been stitched incorrectly?

@Fannycrevasse I have been where you are now. they had stitched me up so tightly that I couldnt even get a tampax up! i had to go back in when my first born was 8 months old to have the procedure done again to widen access.

I’m so sorry that happened to you - I haven’t tried a tampon, that’s actually a good shout I’ll try that now.

So it seems this could be normal but might not be so looks like it’s a GP job, thanks all for being a sounding board!

It's more likely to be an issue with scar tissue or vaginismus rather than someone deliberately stitching you too tightly. If it is the stitching, please don't go accusing them of putting in a 'husband stitch', it's incredibly unlikely to be deliberate.

Before you see your GP, have another few tries, and also try when you're alone.

Thank you, this is reassuring. The only thing making me think it’s stitching was because the dr who stitched me was inexperienced and was supervised by a midwife while he did it. They did ask me if I minded a junior doctor stitching me as it was the first time he had done it on a real person and I gave permission based on the fact the midwife was guiding him the whole time and they’re reassured me. I know someone has to be the first so I didn’t mind.

Sorry, I promise im not going in all guns blazing, just didn’t know how to phrase the issue succinctly enough for a title without using that phrase.

Could it be a prolapse that’s also interfering? Have you had any bladder / bowel issues or any feeling of heaviness or pressure? Again, that would be picked up in a women’s health check

Jesus Christ! Do see your GP.

I haven’t had any other issues since the birth, some incontinence during pregnancy which resolved when he was born. I felt ‘healed about 2 weeks after the birth, it was a much easier time than I had with my episiotomy.

See your GP about it. BUT I had an episiotomy and it took 8 months before I could have sex (uncomfortably) and about 10 months before it was comfortable and pain free again.

Chat to your GP & get examined but I would say after we had my daughter it was very much a case of having to try & try and persevere until it eased up. It was as if my body had forgotten how to do “that” and it was really painful, both my husband and I felt like there was something physically blocking and it just wasn’t possible! But with time and effort it did resolve and is totally normal now x

I think it sounds more like a muscular thing. I think after a 2nd degree tear, it is too soon and your body is saying 'no'

You could also try different positions during sex to see if there are ones which feel more comfortable? It was counter intuitive but doggy was way more comfortable for a time.

Yeah we tried that, it literally won’t go any further it’s like there’s a sudden narrow bit, think like a wine bottle neck and it’s completely rigid, like there’s no stretch at all.

Your own theory is the most likely, that the stitches and/or the way it has healed is the cause of the tightening. Just offer another theory tho, could it posdibly be an involuntary muscular contraction? Did you ever do kegels before, are you familiar with how it feels to tighten and release your pelvic floor? Just a thought, but trauma could have affected these muscles and caused them to clamp shut.

Also, are you BF? That can cause vaginal dryness and tightness. Sex was painful for me for the first six months after birth until my daughter was on food and breastfed less often through the day. I had a C section.

I had a 3rd degree 3b to be precise,and episiotomy. after 6 weeks the pain was gone, my midwife told me to try piv sooner if I was ready and pain free and told me to use lots of lube. I would definitely go to your gp it could be a prolapse.