I'm so exhausted and sad about working full time

[AntiHop]

Just want to have a moan.

I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow after this 4 day weekend.

I've got two young kids and I've always worked full time. Went back to work full time when they were 9 months old.

I'm fed up. I miss my kids so much. I'm away from them so much. I'm exhausted from working full time and parenting. But can't afford to reduce my hours.

I say this from experience.

I've had jobs I've absolutely dreaded.

I now really like my job. You're not stuck in any job. Try to apply for something better

I feel you.

i worked full time for 9 years after going back when my elder son was one. It was tough.

i cut to a 4 day week last September and it’s been revolutionary for me.

can you do the same?

Try putting what you would get pay wise for four days into a calculator app that works out tax and NI, it might not be as low as you think.

I like my job but I’m still dreading going back tomorrow. It’s not about the job it’s about the freedom of time off, doing what you like and spending time with loved ones. OP wants to spend more time with her kids and is exhausted, I fail to see how a different job would help.

It definitely does help.

I used to dread every single day - going into a job.

I changed career and now I genuinely love what I do. It's not like work at all. I'm excited to go in tomorrow.

If you don't like what you're doing, you need to make a change.

It can be so demoralising. The grind can feel relentless.

Is there anything you can change to make things a little easier? Maybe changing your job but if you can't right now, changing aspects of how you run your life??

For example, Can you get some help for household tasks so that you then have more leisure time to spend with your dc? Not sure what your financial situation is but things like meal boxes, shopping delivery etc....anything that will help create a bit of slack.

What is your annual leave allowance? Could you book a few Fridays off for example to create a couple of longer weekends to look forward to?

Read the OP. She wants to spend more time with her kids. How is ‘why don’t you get another job? headtilt and tinkly laugh’ going to help?

Were you born that rude and nasty, or you grew into being like that?

I know its hard to leave kids. A lot of people have to leave their young kids for part of the day though . You still see them every dah. We've all had to do it. She will see them every evening

Thanks @megacat you took the words out of my mouth. It's not the job that's the problem. It's the amount of hours that I'm away from my kids.

Was the very nasty "headtilt and tinkly laugh" necessary though?

I was certainly not laughing. I was trying to help.

She could have said "I know you're trying to help, but this might be more helpful"

Instead of being so nasty

I get it op.

My DH took leave this holiday (due to my job i can take more in summer), while i worked. I feel I've hardly seen my DC.

I barely see them on my working days. Dh does drop ofs and pick ups. He works from home, I don't.

I am genuinely sad that you are sad.

What i was trying to say, is that no one is stuck in any situation forever.

Lets try and look at different options.

Is there anyway you could apply for a stay at home job in your industry?

If you barely see them could you consolidate your hours and work 4 long days with the 5th day off? Or 9 not quite so long days and every 10th day off?

I'm the same OP- mine are 7 and 10 now and I've always worked FT. I always assumed I would go part time, but the cost of everything has increased so much in the last 10 years, we could never make it work. I'm desperately sad I never managed it :(

Honestly I don’t know how working parents do this. I see this with a colleague. Male but constantly complaining how the job takes away from his time with his daughter. He barely gets an hour an evening and them the weekends.

One of my closest friends was a SAHM till her daughters were at secondary and personally, had I had kids that’s how I would have preferred to do it. Fitting in a full time job, a social life, gym, and household admin and domestic duties leaves me exhausted, nevermind throwing kids into the mix.

It really sucks OP! We’re quite a ‘busy’ family, and this is the first time we’ve actually taken 4 days, for ourselves, just us, no travelling to see family over Easter etc, and it has been eye opening as to how nice life can be when all you have is time in your own little world (with no work, daily grind and responsibilities that come with those things.) I don’t dislike my job, but I am also kind of dreading work tomorrow, I can’t remember the last time I felt this relaxed tbh!

🫂

It’s hard. The only advice I can give is to reduce your hours or get another job that allows you to be flexible and reduce your hours. Or work towards starting a business or something that allows you to work around your children.

I know women who have completely given up work because they miss their children so much - I personally couldn’t, but if that’s more important to you then maybe start planning out what that could look like. Could your partner support eh family if you changed your work pattern? Earned less? It took some time off to look after the kids?

Part-time for three days a week is an ideal balance with small children. Four days and you're doing full-time hours for 80% pay. Five days is just an unbalanced life. Term-time or a shorter working year is also an option so the time that you get with the children is really lovely and free.

But it all costs. We took the hit for a couple of years and I felt like it was worth it. And not as much as reduction as I initially thought between childcare costs and lower taxes. I also scaled up during busier periods which work appreciated and meant that it was easier to take a longer break in quieter periods like August.

I could've written this post myself. Going back to work after mat leave soon and I'm devastated. I want nothing more than to stay at home and raise my children but there is absolutely no way we could afford that. It's driving me nuts.

YANBU

I know you say you can’t afford to lower your hours OP, but is this because your earnings goes to cover all bills, and do you have two cars to run, take holidays etc? I did three days when mine were really young, but we were stoney broke - could only afford to run one old car, and just a week on the coast in a caravan every other year. It was tough financially, but I’m so glad I did it.

Can I ask what you do for a job? I took a job that was half GMT and half USA hours.

It meant we could have kids just in Creche for the free hours, so no childcare. I actually found another mum to pair up with so we did a kind of childcare share. Everyone told me a childcare share would always fail and I would lose a friend, but actually I didn’t.

I went from paying £1800 a month in childcare to free childcare and paying a lot less tax and NI. We have a spare room so I took in a language student- I can’t remember the tax free amount but it was significant. Also when I took in the student I banned all take away dinners and put proper time into cooking meals in a more budget friendly way, which saved me more money then anticipated.

I had intended to childmind other kids but in the end I found the reciprocal arrangement with a school teacher. So i did more in term time and she did more in holidays. I had intended to find a few dogs to walk when I walk my own dog….. but I couldn’t find anyone willing to pay. Also it turns out I’m stressed about other people’s dogs getting into some drama. I did dog sitting but my husband hated them around, so that also didn’t work.

i sold plants online, didn’t make much money but at the time £50 a month for minimal work was important to me. I was being paid to have a hobby! If I had more space and was daring enough to buy materials in bulk I think I could have earned some money there.

once the kids were in school I went back to gmt hours and I realised how exhausting working USA hours was!!! I don’t regret the time though.