Is there something wrong with me ? Re attracting a romantic partner

[jumpingjimmy]

I’m 50, divorced and sole
parent to three teens one of whom is in Uni. I work full time in a great profession , earn well and live my work. I have a small group of very close friends, a great relationship with siblings and many other friends etc. I have my own hobbies and pastimes and consider myself to be relatively attractive/ a barrage, chatty, interesting, humorous and clever. I am sociable have my
own hOme and consider my values to be good , usual ones eg honesty, loyalty, family, hard working etc
But still, no one seems to want to date me.
In fairness, I do not put out that energy explicitly and I dont have friends with single / available men so perhaps I’m shootings myself in the foot.
im not flirtatious by nature and on the minimal occasions I engaged with online datin, the pool was horrendous. Cheaters and liars with wives and partners who just werent told their marriages (by those creeps )were over. This brought me nothing but trouble.
is it me? I feel like I have a lot to offer but am only will ing to share my
life with a man who can match that.
Thanks for reading.

Anyone please? Im
feeling a confidence slump
today and I’d love some honest feedback
.. please?

You must know what people are going to say though?

Of course there's nothing wrong with you.

Meeting people (or at least the right person) is difficult.

I think it’s pretty rare for potential partners to just start flirting with you in a bar, or for your eyes to meet with Mr Right’s across the tomatoes at the grocery store: the movies have a lot to answer for! If you aren’t actively pursuing dating or asking friends and relatives to recommend their single friends to you, it’s unlikely just to happen - nothing to do with you as a person.

If online dating isn’t your thing, what about singles holidays and Mert Up events for hobbies and social groups where there’s an activity; but also an implied understanding that most people are also there to meet new friends / a partner?

Thanks for responding. My family and friends do not have single
friends bar one who is a raging alcoholic so that’s not
going to work! Im
just wondering if im missing something? Is there anything
Else I can do ? I work in a predominantly female environment also on a small staff.which is t helpful either I guess.

It’s not just you, it’s difficult for women of all
ages to find partners. Lots of men (and women) on the dating apps are just looking for casual hookups and it’s easy to find.

I’m around your age and the dating game just dented my confidence. I felt like every time I finally met someone I liked they were on the rebound and on to the next best thing. Please don’t think there’s anything wrong with you 🥲

Have you tried cycling? I meet men when i go for a cycle...the bike fascinates them

unfortunately life doesn’t not seem to mirror Bridget Jones movies, dating apps are so difficult but someone nice may pop along. what about meet up groups, walking groups etc

Not necessarily anything wrong with you.
You don't say how old your other DC are.

Could just be that some aren't interested in dating a person that has DC.

Thanks. Yea I understand that men may not want to date a woman with teens. Perhaps I am impatient and now that I have such personal freedom, I am
ready to date! When i read on here about all of these relationships that seem to pop up for women so regularly and consistently, it definitely makes me wonder where I am goi g wrong !

I'm sure there is nothing wrong with you - it sounds like it is more about opportunity.

You work full time in a small organisation with mainly female staff - fewer opportunities
You have three children, two of whom live at home so you're also doing mum stuff a lot of the time - fewer opportunities
Your socialising circle is solid but of an age where presumably most are coupled up (you mentioned there is only one single - and undesirable! - friend of a friend) and presumably you're not going to pubs on Friday nights - fewer opportunities

Unfortunately OLD would be the usual place to meet people, but you are right, it can be a total cesspit and you have to have a lot of personal resilience, common sense and the skin of a rhino to put up with it for long. You say you have some hobbies - is there no chance to meet anyone through those avenues?

As I say, nothing is wrong with you, I think it's that you are lacking in specific opportunities. You might have to poke your toe into the world of dating again, but do it meaningfully - e.g. join an agency or similar, there are lots of options now.

Maybe try Meet Up? It's not for dating per se but they arrange lots of social stuff which might help. You seem social already but you might meet more single people this way.

Have you made any new friends who are single of either sex recently?

Aged 43, 4 years single, I hear everything you are saying and am in exactly the same boat!

I am sure there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I have said this on other threads similar to yours @jumpingjimmyAre the apps just free ones? I don’t know much about dating apps? They are probably just for hookups as PP mentioned. You need to throw money at it. If you are really serious about meeting someone. Proper paid for dating sites and be clear about what sort of relationship you are looking for. I also agree with the suggestion of singles holidays etc. Again that will cost money.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Or that you're doing anything wrong.

Unfortunately it seems that there are increasing numbers of low quality men in the dating pool who are either unwilling or unable to match you on your level.

From what I can see, men want a downtrodden woman who will be so grateful for any crumbs or scraps of his attention that she will let him move into her house, wash his pants, cook his food and look after his kids if he has any. Bonus if she will also have sex with him although they can continue to look for that elsewhere (and often do).

The sort of man who would be your equivalent is vanishingly rare. No wonder you haven't met him yet. But they are out there.

I don't think it's you. My partner died years ago and I've not had a proper relationship since then, I've accepted it and live happily with my dog. I found there were three categories of men in the market:
1.needy men who were draining and not my cup of tea (usually just out of a relationship);

1. married men looking for a bit of "fun" - I don't do married men
2. men who saw my independence - like you I work, have my own home and car - as some sort of challenge and wasted no time trying, but failing, to boss me around.

Eventually, I gave up. I think it's a truism that the best ones are already taken (other than the sleezy married types) but you may be luckier than I was.

I’m sure there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you. I think you should stick with online dating as it is difficult to meet someone otherwise.

After I divorced the first man I met online I had a nine year relationship with! You find some men seem to have been online on and off for years but you might get lucky and meet someone who has just become available!

I know someone who was determined to meet someone. She was just an ordinary person not particularly glam or anything and she had loads and loads of dates, met someone and is now married to them. I admire her because she was determined and focused and it
worked.

Sadly @jumpingjimmy I think most men around your age (50,) who are looking for a woman, are looking for a woman in her late 30s - or younger. Most men around 50-ish are not looking for a woman in her 50s. They want younger, fitter, firmer. They feel they deserve it. Most men that age look like a sack of potatoes and don't deserve shit to be honest, but they really do love themselves and think they deserve Megan Fox or Michelle Keegan.

So women in their 40s and 50s+ trying to get someone to date them do struggle. Most middle aged men have very little to offer a woman, so I don't know where they get all their confidence and entitlement from.

Best of luck though. Maybe try joining some hobby groups or sports groups?

@jumpingjimmy
This 10000000% .......

I'm in a similar boat (along with a couple of friends), and it's definitely not you...... OLD is soul destroying if you're looking for anything more than a shag-

DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF.... misery lies that way!
Keep your standards high, and just keep your eyes peeled 👀

💯

Find some hobbies, expand your social circle, and see if you meet someone that way.

Add in a fourth:
4/ cocklodger - looking for a bang maid, a nurse with a purse, or some combination. These men offer very little but want to take a lot from you.

There doesn't have to be anything wrong with you to struggle in finding a romantic and/or sexual partner. It's normal. Sorry, no quick fixes to offer, only solidarity.

It sounds as though you're doing what you can to lead a full life and engage with other people socially. That's probably the best way to meet and attract romantic partners but it's no guarantee. After this, it might all come down to time and luck. Someone who sits inside on a computer all day has already closed off lots of opportunities. At least you have the doors open for luck to come in.

After a certain age, I guess there are inevitably fewer potential partners out there because many have already paired up. Unless you have extremely low standards, or you're willing to meet hundreds of men in order to identify the few you're likely to have any compatibility with, dating chances always look pretty bleak to me. I just try to focus on the parts of my life that are going well (most other areas, luckily) and live with one disappointing facet.

Online dating always seems a nightmare one way or another and I've long thrown in the towel too. There's so many men who swipe right on every woman who is under eighty and has her own teeth. We're then deluged with matches who mostly turn out to be married, misogynistic, maladjusted (or all three) and we have no emotional bandwidth left to search for the few who might fit.

Good luck!

No, nothing wrong with you at all. In fact it's likely to be the opposite! You have everything going for you and you're a "high quality" woman whereas I honestly don't think that there are very many "high quality" single men looking for the same things as us in this age bracket. Not that I ever looked very hard to be honest, but I did dabble with online dating a few years ago, and it was grim. I can't be arsed with it. I'm happy being single and I'd only "date" now if I met a nice chap in real life, totally accidentally.
Friend of mine recently started seeing a chap from our regular quiz night we attend. We've been going for months, so has his team, so we've had chats and got to know them and it went from there. All very unplanned and natural. So I think if you want to meet someone, you have to find places to go, and activities where you'll interact with new people but in a casual, relaxed, enjoyable way. Then you're more likely to find someone with the same interests as you and maybe a relationship.

Agree with @Longholiday01 ,

Keep at it.

I met DH online as I was ready to give up for good, after being on & off for years.

A friend advised to stay on and see it as an investment, the more dates you go on, the closer you get to the one.

She was having dates two days a week for an hour each after work. Said it was like doing a class or meeting friends, investing in the future she wanted.

She got married a year before me and another friend married soon after too.

There are very few good men out there, but they are there, just like you are.

Keep trying OP, don't lose hope and don't settle. There's somone out there for you.