To be mad at my MIL for interrupting breastfeeding session

[DasMama]

I’m married with a 6 month baby. My family lives abroad and we go visit my in laws once a week. My MIL is noisy and wants to be with baby all the time when we visit to the point that yesterday when I was breastfeeding baby and she was about to fall asleep she kept on talking to her, then even took her hand off my hand so that she would wrap her own finger (my MIL’s). I really wanted to tell her off but didn’t do it out of respect for my husband. AIBU to find this almost violent and a violation of a precious mum-baby moment?

🙄

I agree with this. If your baby was 6 days or even 6 weeks old, it would be different.

It's annoying but it's not violent. Id prioritize respecting my baby over anyone else, and say "sorry MIL she's falling asleep, could you leave her please?"
Also, visit less.

Yanbu. I would find that a gross invasion of space. My MIL is mad for DC but it's easier to be forgiving because she doesn't see them very often due to distance. But your MIL sees baby weekly so I would expect her to really just calm the fuck down as well as keep her hands to herself.

Yes thankfully breastfeeding has become normalised again but doesn't mean it's for 3rd parties to get right up in the physical space between mum and baby.

Weekly visit sounds way too frequent to me!

It's absolutely reasonable to expect privacy
The MIL is crossing boundaries massively here.
I would just give her the glare, it's so intrusive.

I think her touching you and involving herself is deeply inappropriate.

That you feel you cannot mention it to your husband is concerning.

My advice is see less.
Do not breastfeed in a communal area when with them.
Take yourself off to a private area.

It is really ok to have firm boundaries when breastfeeding despite what MN will try and tell you.

She sounds irritating but frankly less so than you describing her interaction as almost violent and violative so swings and roundabouts I guess 🤷‍♀️

YANBU You had a viceral reaction to her invading your space with your first baby at an intimate moment. It's hardly surprising so I think using the terms violent and violation are not unreasonable in that context.

YABU to not set boundaries. She doesn't know she is violating your boundaries, if you don't set them. Your DH's feeling on the matter are irrelevant. What do you need when you are breastfeeding? Space? Privacy? Use your words.

use your words and tell her to stop.

This ☝️
You’re over reacting. Go sit in a quiet room with the door shut if you feed in front of your MIL again. Or simply tell her to step back while you’re feeding. If you don’t say anything she’s not going to realise.

And was there some reason why didn’t just whisper ‘Shh, MIL, trying to get her to fall asleep now’?

This

It's not violent! She wasn't duffing you up.

It crosses a line though so just tell her firmly not to do it.

The kid's over a year old now so hopefully the OP has learned to manage the situation.

I had a similar thing last Christmas when we were at a relative and my little boy was 11 months old. His routine was all over the place as it was Christmas and I was bottle feeding him and my MIL just came over and got in his face and started talking to him and got him wide awake again the frustration I felt in that moment that someone else got involved and he didn’t drop off for a much needed nap.

However I know it wasn’t meant in malice (at least I bloody hope not) so next chance I took him out of the room to try and feed and nap to sleep.

Life’s frustrating but this can be in your control to not let it happen again.

I’d hate to think what you’d describe an actual violent violation.

Yes it’s annoying. Yes it would annoy me.

But you either just say “she’s trying to sleep I’m going to go somewhere quiet while doing this” or do what you’ve done and keep quiet and seethe dramatically over it.

Most people mature enough to have a baby would do the former.

Absolutely agree with the poster who said we’ve spent years normalising BF and the fact it’s down so naturally is great.

Omg - bloody zombie thread!

Stop exaggerating (it's not violence) and politely ask her to stop. If she doesn't stop after you have asked her a few times then take yourself off somewhere private to feed.

I mean I would personally leave the room and close the door, lock it if possible and I definitely wouldn’t go once per week.

I disagree because the OP was breastfeeding. So her MIL was clearly getting close enough to the OP’s body and her breasts to disturb the baby and pull the baby’s hand away. I would absolutely see it as a violation if my MIL got that close to my body in that situation. It’s not as if she was bottle feeding.

This.

Is it really worth getting this worked up over if it’s just once a week? You’ll look back on this in years to come and feel a bit daft if your MIL goes on to have a good relationship with your child.

ZOMBIE THREAD

Your baby is her grandchild. She obviously adores them. Honestly grow up and let her be a granny. You will appreciate her help in the future.

"AIBU to find this almost violent and a violation of a precious mum-baby moment?"

You can be annoyed that your mother in law touched baby at that time, but you can't use the phrase "almost violent and a violation" to describe a non-violent act that didn't violate anything, no.

Don’t be daft. Stop exaggerating and being precious.