To be mad at my MIL for interrupting breastfeeding session

[DasMama]

I’m married with a 6 month baby. My family lives abroad and we go visit my in laws once a week. My MIL is noisy and wants to be with baby all the time when we visit to the point that yesterday when I was breastfeeding baby and she was about to fall asleep she kept on talking to her, then even took her hand off my hand so that she would wrap her own finger (my MIL’s). I really wanted to tell her off but didn’t do it out of respect for my husband. AIBU to find this almost violent and a violation of a precious mum-baby moment?

I can't understand why you wouldn't have said you were trying to get her to sleep? Use your voice

You are your babies advocate speak up now set the tone

‘Violent and a violation‘? Oh, for the love....

Well I was going to vote YANBU but then read
"almost violent and a violation of a precious mum-baby moment?" and decided you were being over the top. Sorry. It was annoying that she kept talking to the baby while she was falling asleep, but come on, you're being dramatic. I'm sure you could have found a tactful way to say "leave her alone now please, she's going to sleep"

You had me until the last sentence. Way too extreme.

I know you shouldn't have to, but I would go and feed baby somewhere else, like in your bedroom. I had to do this when breastfeeding my 1st as mil was so loud and stared at baby constantly, so it was easier and more relaxed for me to go and hide in my bedroom.

In what way did you “respect your husband”?

this.

You sound like an utter nightmare

….. dear lord😒

Just go feed her somewhere private and look the door. At six months a feed will take 10-12
mins at MOST?
And it’s neither violent nor a violation. Just slightly odd behaviour.

Violent? You don't like your MIL clearly.

Oh purleeease. 🙄

A bit annoying if you wanted the baby to drop to sleep but seriously …

You need to change your language round this issue

DH I’m uncomfortable when your mum disturbs breast feeding

Id rather stay at home and feed the baby in future.

Could you please ask your parents to give me some space when I need to do X or Y?

Im unhappy when babies naps are disturbed, it means baby get grumpy and doesn’t sleep later, would you mind if we avoided naps times round visitors.

Take the attention off MIL and keep it to your feelings and baby routines.

Just take the babies hand back and gently say "not just now Mildred, she's just dropping off".

In no way disrespectful to anyone and if she challenges that I would be expecting your dh to step up at that point and distracting/diverting his mum.

Sorry but this is on you.... if you want quiet time then you need to take yourself somewhere quiet and request privacy.

Do you actually think your mil was violent? Really?

Isn't your baby lucky to have a grandma who obviously thinks she's wonderful?

@DasMama could you lock the bedroom door when you are feeding? or wedge a chair in front so it wont open??

Tell your MIL to leave you and your baby in peace when you are breast feeding.

She isn't violent but she is pushy with no respect for your boundaries. Is your DH with you or do you go on your own?

If she won't stop, just cut out the weekly visits.

You can't go to visit someone, sit in their living room, and expect them to sit back whilst you have "precious mum-baby moments". If you want to be on your own with your baby, don't visit.

She’s breastfeeding though? Literally feeding her child. She should be given the space to do that. And they’re a six-month-old baby - things like feeding, sleeping, changing will be on his/her schedule as and when they need it. The OP can’t really control the timing.

I'm not understanding why you didn't say "Please be quiet for now and don't touch the baby, because I want her to fall asleep in the next few minutes, thanks." You're using very aggressive language yet didn't actually ask for what you want, it's really strange. You are an adult and a mother now, learn to use your words.

Yes, I'm well aware, I breastfed for many years, but she's doing it in someone else's living room. It's reasonable to feed wherever and whenever baby needs it, but it's not reasonable to expect privacy when you're not in a private place. I fed everywhere and anywhere but I wasn't silly enough to think that I could expect private moments at other people's houses whilst sat with them.

Your language is OTT, but I wouldn't like that Op.

It's not about "precious moments" but feeling comfortable whilst bfeeding.

My point being, just because you’re in “someone else’s living room” it doesn’t automatically give that person any more control over said-baby or when they’re fed, when they sleep etc. And in my book it’s particularly odd to start prying their hand away from mum and onto them while they’re feeding. Sure, I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s violent, but it’s a bit strange.