Send your kids to play dates or relatives with their own snacks

[Uninformedcorn]

Before we start I want to make it known I am childless and not by choice (I have an autoimmune disorder and take a lot of medication that would make having babies impossible)

Yesterday I had my niece (12) for the day (from eleven am to seven pm) she came with her backpack and Nintendo switch. I asked SIL what she could eat and couldn’t eat and SIL said she packed her a few snacks and lunch.

I didn’t mind making dinner - we were only going to have a bean and sausage casserole that I know my niece loves.

We went out and had a walk around a local historic house and the gardens and it turned out SIL packed snacks and that niece couldn’t have due to allergies

I had to call my brother which is another story in itself as we’ve not spoken in months due to some nasty comment he made at our Mums funeral - he wasn’t happy to have to leave when he was sick and he was even less happy to find his wife had packed things that his daughter couldn’t eat

he thanked me for looking after her and offered me money but I declined. later on in the day I sent SIL a message saying “Just send your daughter to play dates or her relatives with food she can actually eat”

AIBU? Is it so hard to send your kids with snacks they can eat to play dates - especially when they have allergies?

DS2 is 12 and has food allergies. He's more than capable of knowing what he can and can't eat/look at food labels and make a decision etc.

However if I packed snacks for him you might question their suitability. He has a nut allergy but can eat certain products that say 'may contain nuts, not suitable for nut allergy sufferers'. We know which ones are OK for him to have and which are not. But it can be confusing for family members who dont understand why one 'may contain nuts' product is ok, but another 'may contain nuts' product is not.

@Kattuccino thats the kind of scenario I thought of.

tbh @Uninformedcorn, I think you massively overstepped with your SIL and should probably apologise. Unless you’re about to furnish us with details that would massively change that.

This makes no sense. The OP’s status as a parent or non-parent is irrelevant. It’s odd her SIL sent her child with snacks for a day out anyway, unless she has challenging allergies or a very restricted diet, and mystifying that she sent snacks the 12 year old ‘couldn’t eat’ , and why the 12 year old couldn’t pack her own allergy-appropriate snacks. And why the thrn OP phoned her brother, with whom she’s feuding, and what he had to do when he was ill? Why hadn’t he packed snacks? Why was no food available at the historic house and gardens? And why the OP subsequently sent a rather rude text to her SIL?

OP, are you on glue?

One of my boys has very serious allergies, but at the end of the day mums are just humans and can make mistakes. I'll assume the 12 Yr old knew she couldn't have what was packed and that her mun was also the one to educate her 🙄

You are minding DN for SIL. She provides snacks for a 12 year old girl. DN advises she can't eat them to you phone estranged brother?

Why not just feed DN and tell SIL later of the mix up?

It's strange SIL has done this but stranger the message you have sent.

Exactly, so that OP could create drama IRL and online, she must be bored.

Not sure why anyone needs a snack at all. But that’s a whole other story… It sounds to me like the niece decided she didn’t want the snacks she was sent with and was after something else. I find it very hard to believe that any parent would pack a snack that their child was allergic to. So unless there’s a backstory about the mother I don’t believe the niece couldn’t eat the snacks.

in answer to your question. If a child comes to stay with me I don’t expect them to bring any food with them. If they do that’s fine but I’d feed the child throughout the day.

The text you sent to your SIL was rude. Why were you so abrupt? Is this the first time the food situation has happened? If you dislike having to look after and feed your niece just don’t have her to stay again.

A 12 year old is more than capable of sorting out own food. My 5 year old GD with coeliac would make up a snack selection,
All seems a bit strange and your text message was very abrupt.

Your text message was extremely rude. If you really felt the need to comment you could have simply said you weren't sure about the snacks and allergies so gave DN something else instead.

It all sounds quite bizarre.

One of my DC has allergies. When really young, I did either provide meals and snacks or suggest options to family who looked after them for the day (e.g. "beans on toast always goes down well" or "brand X is safe, can send some if you don't want to buy in specially").

Sometimes DCs' friends will turn up with treat snacks to share if they're over for the day or afternoon. So the concept of bringing snacks isn't odd in itself per se, but the situation in the OP sounds so very unlikely.

I’d be very surprised if the relationship with your niece survives this kind of tension, which would be a huge shame for you both. You didnt mention why you contacted your brother, not the mother who had provided the snacks in the first instance and you didn’t explain why you immediately took that tone with the mother. Are you sure your niece wasn’t mistaken about her allergies?

That was quite rude of you to send such a message. If I got such a message I wouldn't be keen to continue contact with you. Can't see why you needed to phone. The child is 12 not 2.