Is leaving baby acceptable

[Itsoneofthose]

Seeking general opinion here- is it deemed ‘acceptable’ or even perfectly fine to leave your baby with their father or grandmother from a young age such as six weeks old? Say an hour here or there to go to the shops for example? A night to see friends ie 4-5 hours approx once a fortnight ? Or is it privately a bit frowned upon? It’s 2025, and I know what I imagine the general consensus ought to be, but what REALLY is expected? I can’t gauge it.
YABU- leaving baby for any length of time is it on, and really Mother’s should be there permanently.
YANBU- leaving occasionally is fine and healthy.

YANBU. I had a night out when my DD was 2 weeks old. It’s healthy for you to have time away from the baby.

Thank you for sharing this @WhySoManySocks. Reading this has helped me to reflect on some of the negative comments I got about leaving my own DD with a bit more empathy.

A few mothers have criticised me for things involving my DD: the fact that I left her with DH or DMIL for a few hours at a time from fairly early on, and then more heavily so for the fact that I went back to work quite early and put DD in nursery. I specifically remember one mum who had her own daughter at a similar time to me telling me 11 months in that she hadn't had her hair or nails done since her daughter's birth - it would be wrong to leave her for even half an hour, she loved her daughter too much not to stay by her side etc, and how could I possibly do it? Didn't I realise my DD would be learning that she was unloved?

I assumed that other mothers criticising me were doing so for straightforward reasons: they thought what they were doing was superior and wanted me to know it. I'm sure that was sometimes the case. But perhaps there is another aspect to this too. I think many parents have a tendency to justify and universalise the value of whatever decisions they make. In your case, I can see how not logistically having the support to be able to have time away could lead to this being justified in terms of always staying with your child being the best thing for them (not saying you made this leap in logic yourself, but others do). Likewise parents like me who leave their children more than most can be keen to portray this as the right decision for everyone else too . I suppose it's natural for all humans across many types of situation to try to make ourselves feel better about our own situations and choices by encouraging others to follow our approach, regardless of how happy we actually are...

I am so encouraged to see all the people in this thread saying it depends on what is best for each mum and their family. I wish I knew more people who thought this way and I hope to try to embrace the same position myself.

There’s a third option.

Whatever mum is comfortable with.

I left mine with their dad from about 2 weeks old to do the weekly shop, get my hair done, nails etc. They were with their dad so were absolutely fine - why wouldn't they be?

I'd love to get out for a few hours my 10 week old has decided she's feeding every 20 mins at the moment 😂🫠
Enjoy every minute and come back and enjoy your lovely little one 😊

It's mainly what you're comfortable with. What you've described doesn't seem too much. Maybe if you're leaving your baby with other people outside the home every other weekend it might be too much. My friend had a newborn and was out at the theatre every weekend or going drinking, leaving her with me and it signified a problem, but it doesn't sound like this is what you mean.

I breastfed but DH kept baby in the car while I got my nails done when baby was 3 days old 👀 first hour away from her

He gave her a bottle of expressed milk at 12 weeks so I could have my first bath

My mum had her for 3 hours with expressed milk so we could go to the cinema when she was about 5 months

However, I didn’t leave her overnight until well over a year

Do what works for you

I think it's totally personal. I didn't leave ds until he was 4 months old and even then I hated it but I have friends who left their 8 week old to go on a 4 day holiday and had a great time. I don't think either is right or wrong- it's what works for you and your family. I was bf on demand and ds was refusing bottles and weight gain was a constant battle for a long time so that probably contributed to why I didn't really want to leave him. Had he been gaining well and taking bottles it would have been easier.

Bottle feeding fine!

breastfeeding you can use your own gut feeling. My boob fed babies I couldn’t really leave until 3 months or 4 months

You’re asking the wrong question — your question should be ‘Assuming I can (ie have trustworthy, reliable care) do I want to?’

It's ok to feel guilty or anxious and still do it, it's good to expand your capacity for feeling uncomfortable and not give in to the anxiety.

It doesn't make you a terrible mum, and how else will the dad get used to parenting.