Is leaving baby acceptable

[Itsoneofthose]

Seeking general opinion here- is it deemed ‘acceptable’ or even perfectly fine to leave your baby with their father or grandmother from a young age such as six weeks old? Say an hour here or there to go to the shops for example? A night to see friends ie 4-5 hours approx once a fortnight ? Or is it privately a bit frowned upon? It’s 2025, and I know what I imagine the general consensus ought to be, but what REALLY is expected? I can’t gauge it.
YABU- leaving baby for any length of time is it on, and really Mother’s should be there permanently.
YANBU- leaving occasionally is fine and healthy.

My daughter was breastfed and refused a bottle so I wouldn't have attempted a night out at that age (and had no desire to do so). A trip to the shops if she was settled and recently fed I would have been ok with. It's very individual and depends on your particular circumstances.

Whatever works for you is fine. One person might not feel comfortable for a year, another might feel fine doing it in a week. What does it matter as long as you're ok with it?

My 5 week old grandson and older sibling stayed with me for about 6 hrs a few days ago !! My daughter had a few hours of having a bath ,relaxing ,napping etc
What is wrong with that ? Daughter so appreciative.

you can, and should, leave baby with the dad or you’re creating a rod for your own back

If you’re comfortable go for it.

Best thing we ever did was book a shit load of theatre tickets, concerts and a weekend away when we lost our first baby, we got pg quicker than I expected so we had a lot booked in from 7 weeks old.

Scariest night of my life leaving DD but she was more than fine and it’s made life so much easier as she’s got bigger.

Of course it is. I was back at work and DH and grandparents were more than happy to take over.

Its a personal choice and depends on your comfort levels. If you are happy and baby is settled it's fine. If it stresses you out too much and you can't enjoy it, it's okay not to. I was pressured that it wasn't normal to always be with my baby when my first was a newborn, which I don't think was fair, but it also isn't fair to make a Mum feel guilty for taking some time out when baby is safe with another caregiver.

Of course it's fine. You don't stop having a life when you have a baby.

I started leaving mine here and there at days old, sleepovers from 6 weeks old.

For me it is entirely dependant on how you feel about it!

My Dsis lived 2 doors down from my parents when my nephew was born, and he stayed overnight with my mum here and there from a few weeks old, and they would babysit for a couple of hours during the day if Dsis asked them to.
Me? I lived really far away from practical help and I didn’t leave mine for a long time because I simply wasn’t comfortable with it. I didn’t have a night out with my friends until DC1 was over a year old. I didn’t leave my eldest and middle ones overnight with my parents until they were 2 & 3 years old.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with leaving your baby with a trusted family member or friend if you are 100% comfortable with that! I have to admit, I am a little bit jealous that my DSis had help so close by! If I’d have lived as close as she did and my parents were a constant in my DCs lives most days like they were for my nephew, I’d probably have felt differently about leaving my DCs occasionally!

I would encourage anyone to leave their kids with their own dads as much as possible. It helps your baby bond with their dad, helps dad understand that he is also a parent and is capable of looking after his own kids and it retains your sanity.

I didn’t get to do this much because of COVID but DH has always taken DD out when she was little by himself and they have a lovely relationship.

Not necessarily.

Some can, some can’t.

That’s why if you reread my post you’ll see I said ‘some’.

Wherever you’re hearing that it’s not ok from sounds incredibly toxic. When my DH came home after work when I was on mat leave with my twins, I used to leave the house to simply go and sit in the car in complete silence.

I was one of the people who did not think it’s fine, and didn’t leave them until 4 mo or so even for an hour, so just want to clarify this.

It would have been better for the kids AND me AND their relationship with DH if I had. However, I was struggling, and figuring out the logistics of how to do it felt like an impossible hurdle. My DS was exclusively breast fed, struggling to latch, struggling to gain weight initially, and wouldn’t take a bottle. The logistics of pumping was a nightmare for me in addition to all the other things such as a velcro baby and a DH who hadn’t yet realised that we have extra laundry, extra housework, and that I’m less able to do as much as before as eg DS would only nap on me. DH kept going to work as normal (or I suspect for longer). In this setup, me finding a way to leave DS long enough to have a proper shower was so difficult and so left entirely to me that I could not fathom figuring out how to leave him for an hour. We, obviously, had no local support.

So if you asked me, I might have said “it’s impossible to leave a baby”, but meant “it’s impossible for me to leave DS”.

If you can do it it is good for everyone involved.

It's totally fine.

4-5 hours might be a little too long for you if you are exclusively breastfeeding. I managed 3 hours for an evening out when my first was 6 months old.

But I was leaving him with my MIL for 1-2 hours at a time from when he was about 6 weeks old.

And I wouldn't even count leaving him with my husband as leaving him with someone else.

Tell that to my boobs! Hand expressing only, and that was kind of grim.

But I agree with leaving them if you want to - I did, in the form of short walks by myself, from when he was 3 days old.

It can be hit and miss as to whether everyone will enjoy it though. Sometimes I'd gladly stroll.away and have a nice refreshing break and come back and find my son had woken up soon after I'd gone and howled the entire time. Sometimes I'd go out and do nothing but think of him and come back to find him completely unbothered by my absence.

I think 4-5 hours for a 6 week old is too long tbh.

Totally fine. My dm had my daughter from a couple of weeks old - at first it was just overnight for the odd night so I could get a full night’s sleep, and I’d be round at her house at the crack of dawn for the morning feed.
After that she would have her every couple of weeks so we could have a night out. They had the closest bond.

as long as they have milk of some kind they are all good with their dad or grandma!

I’d also add, that due to leaving her with my dm regularly from the start, there were never any issues with separation anxiety. Waiting until they’re months old before leaving their side for any length of time can be more stressful because they’re used to being with you 24/7.

Perfectly fine and actually important. It does wonders for you to have a few hours ’off’ if you can so go for it!

Leaving the baby with the dad shouldn’t even be a question. He’s an equal parent.

as to leaving for a couple of hours with a grandparent then also yes also fine

Of course it’s fine. My LO was about a week or so old I took myself for a coffee and a nose around the retail park.

I wouldn’t have left mine at 5 weeks, no. Not for a coffee and definitely not for that long on a night out. Apart from anything else I would have been leaking milk everywhere and it’s just not pleasant!

but that’s not to say that others did. And that they were fine with it.

in the spirit of honesty, as you asked if people would judge it. Slightly. At 5 weeks old if you’re out getting drunk with your mates rather than being at home with your baby, yes.

I thought you were going to be talking about going on holiday without the baby!
It was decades ago now, but a non Brit friend of mine left her 4 week old first baby with her parents for a month while she went on holiday with her dh! 😱
In her culture then it was normal to dump your kids on your parents. Someone else I knew (same culture) passed her 2 very little human-hurricane boys to her mother - she ‘couldn’t cope’ with them. And she was a SAHM who still didn’t work.

Totally depends on the mam and what she feels comfortable with. My DM looked after my DN's (her DGC) from 5 weeks old. Had them sleeping once a fortnight. But I dont feel comfortable leaving my DC with anyone other than DP, and only for short periods of time. Neither is right or wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️