To feel annoyed my friends blase attitude

[Queenofkittens]

This isn't your typical thread where my friend has done or said something shitty on a hen do or something like that, but more her blase attitude to money that for some reason annoys me and to be honest I am quite jealous of and I need someone to tell me if I'm being unreasonable or they can relate.

Basically we are quite similar in our finances in that we both have a semi detached house, both have two children each and a husband. Both work part time with husbands that work full time. They earn more than us as her husband is a higher earner by about 20k extra a year. What gets me is that me and my OH watch every penny, we often have to say no to our children for things, we can't go abroad (but we can have British holidays) we don't buy ourselves anything 'nice' and we budget so we don't spiral in debt. Other than our mortgage we have zero debt and that includes no overdrafts/credit cards. Both cars paid off (but they are old cars) and it feels like every month we just get by and tbh it's getting us down.

Fiend on the other hand has various debts, 4 credit cards (that I'm aware of) which equate to 22k, two other drafts and money owed to both their parents. But the spending is unreal, new clothes, days out for the kids, kids spoilt with everything designer/branded no expense spared, and my eldest will soften say 'oh they're so lucky they are so rich, josh just got a brand new hoody etc and I want to say, actually they are skint it's not real! But obviously I wouldn't, but it makes me feel inadequate and perhaps we should be 'living' more like they are? They've just taken out another loan to pay for a holiday abroad to Dubai soon and I can't help but feel jealous but also slightly aghast at all the careless spending. Is this.what most people do? Are we in the ones in the wrong and being boring and should live a little or is the shit gonna hit the fan for them at some point?

A friend once described credit cards to me as 'borrowing money from yourself, at a punitive rate of interest, that you probably can't afford to pay back.'

I think there's a lot of truth to that if you're not using a credit card as a tool that gets paid off in full each month.

Designer stuff? Who needs that? She sounds very shallow. I'd rather be you than her in this scenario, but maybe that's because most of my clothes came from jumble sales when I was a kid. Even underwear. Time to tell your DD that there are things more valuable than designer hoodies (eg a loving family).
I've never understood 'designer' anyway. Surely everything is designed? Who decides what's 'designer'? FIL was a fashion buyer and says the cheap stuff and designer brands are often made in the same factories. But anyway, yes. Keep within your means and let your friend cope with the fallout when the wheels come off her lavish lifestyle.

Are you seriously asking whether you should considering getting into debt for a holiday? Of course not.

I have a friend, who to outsiders would appear to be loaded judging by social media posts. They are in debt, have lots of credit cards and loans, things on finance, an enormous mortgage they can barely afford.

Comparison is the thief of joy and all that...

From the other side, I had a friend who I over heard talking about me to another friend. She was aghast at our overseas travel with 3dc and couldn’t understand how we afforded it as “we earned similar”.

We didn’t earn that similar but we also had much lower bills/mortgage than she’d estimated. Her perception v our reality was very different. I currently have a 7k holiday on an interest free credit card as savings earn more so it makes sense.

Your friend may well be irresponsible with money but you can’t be jealous of the lifestyle and judge their methods.

You “can’t go abroad”

Yet you’re posting about £4.5k self catering lanzerote holiday you are heading off to

You've nothing to be jealous of but, of course, it's difficult to convince your kids you're not useless, skint duffers when they see this other couple's kids cutting about in brand new designer gear. It's a hard one for you, and I sympathise. You can't betray another couple's financial affairs to children so you're stuck between a rock and a hard place regarding how to handle it.