AIBU to have told my partner to stop comparing our daughter to his niece

[Missillutrator]

For context, our DD is 2 and 8 months, and her cousin is a year younger than her.

all the family went out today to the park for the kiddies to enjoy themselves on the playground. On the way to the park, DD was in her buggy, she doesn't always want to walk everywhere, she prefers the buggy most times. Her cousin walks all the time, doesn't like the buggy.

Anyway, my partner was trying to get DD out the buggy, which obs resulted in her crying and kicking off. He kept saying "look how your cousin walking all by herself.." look at your cousin and so on , and I told him to stop it, she clearly doesn't want to get out. I told him it's not nice to compare them, as I had between my dad and my uncle, and it was horrible growing constantly being compared to.

He then said sarcastically:" that must have been traumatic for you " 🙄

A 2 year old doesn't have a concept of age, or age related skills.
Children who are two tend to see someone doing something and then give it a go, not think "is this age appropriate for someone 6 months older or 6 months younger than me.

Why does your DH give a shit if your daughter wants to be in the buggy anyway?! And all these posts saying DD should be encouraged to walk etc. Just let children be, it’s brilliant for their self esteem to make their own choices when they can and when it literally affects nothing, like being in a buggy or walking.
Do people envisage the OP is going to be pushing her 5 year to school in a buggy if she’s not forced to walk at 2 years old?

We have 3 children, one absolutely loved being in the buggy, one refused and wanted to walk everywhere, and one was in between. It literally makes zero difference to their lives now.

Hubby sounds unpleasant in this scenario.

She is his daughter too is what I'm guessing going by the use of "our daughter" in her posts

As did he.

From what you’ve described, it’s pretty wild to have an objection to it.

It’s fairly standard parent tactic ti encourage a child to do something by pointing out another one is doing it.

It also sounds like you’re getting very into parenting theory, whereas he’s just getting on and doing it. Neither is right or wrong (contrary to what some of the material would suggest) but where there’s a different approach between two parents it’s a recipe for frustration between them. To avoid that, you need to be talking about things and do that with an open mind. Your view won’t always be best, neither will his, some variations are ok, some will be too drastic and you’ll need to agree on something can both work with.

Direct observation based encouragement to try things probably isn’t a hill worth dying on.

Yes obviously it's his daughter, not sure what your point is? In what way does it affect him if his 2 yesr old DD wants to sit in the bloody pram?!

The way you said it like- why should he care about your daughter. It's his daughter too that's why he cares. Nothing wrong with encouraging a child to walk. Not that I'm saying this child is behind as OP has clearly said she is an active child.

Lots of over reactions and projection from both sides going on here.
Op I don't think yabu.
You've said this is not a one off so I can see what this would be annoying.
I wouldn't be worried about a 2 year 8 month old using a buggy at all.
Did your DP say why he thinks it's an issue?
I don't think another child doing something is a good enough reason tbh.
I do think sometimes as parents we can get caught up in the competition of who is doing what, when they did it etc.
I know I was guilty of it at times and now my dts are teens I'm a bit embarrassed about it tbh.
Do you think that's what is going on or is there another reason he's comparing your dd to others?

I’m not sure what possessive pronoun someone would use in that circumstance other than “your”…

Start comparing your DH to the amazing neighbours DH, the one doing all the DIY, the one going out and doing the shopping, the one watering the plants, washing the car...

Make shit up.

When he takes the huff, say its an experiment to show him

Well it probably came across wrongly due to your harshness. Why does your DH give a shit about your daughter being in a pram, in your words. Why does a father have an input about his daughter walking or not is basically what your saying.

Why would anyone give a shit if their child chooses to sit in a pram on the way to the park. That was the point of my whole comment.
He's clearly that bothered by it that he’s comparing her to his niece, why.

Theres all sorts of things parents fuss over with their kids that arent technically important. So what if he saw a younger child walking and thought oh maybe I should get my daughter walking too. The comparisons sometimes do happen.

I agree with you. I have 2 DC and people (thinking particularly very unhelpful swimming instructor) try to motivate autistic eldest to try stuff with look your younger brother is doing it which isn't helpful at all. Tone can be important though - would you like to walk with your cousin in a neutral voice seems ok to me. Something more like why are you so lazy and not walking like cousin obviously is rubbish

What??

rubbish, he's encouraging a child who is almost 3 to get out of the buggy and walk.

People may agree or disagree with his method, but that's all he's doing.

If he keeps it up, your daughter will hate her cousin. My mum used to compare me to one of my cousins ' Susie wouldn't do that, Susie's room is always tidy', Susie was probably a lovely child but I had no wish to know her at all.

The Undertones song My Perfect Cousin nails it.

He's clearly that bothered by it that he’s comparing her to his niece, why.

But most of us don't see that as "comparing to his niece".
Most people see it as finding a way to help her to enjoy the walk to the park. Encouraging her to walk with her cousin. there is nothing in the OP's posts that suggest his thought process was about comparing the 2 dc at all.

Seems to me he was just trying to encourage her to walk. Not comparing

Oh here we go. There is always some shit stirring bastard who wants to start an obesity debate. 🤣 Not even anything to do with OP's post.