Yo be annoyed husband is hungover

[MummaCub]

fWe're at my in-laws for the Easter weekend, my husband decided to nip out to the pub last night to say a quick hello to old friends from the village, I stayed at his parents and put our 6 month old dc to bed.

He gets in a 3:30 drunk and wakes us all up, I spend the next hour trying to get baby back to sleep.

He's supposed to be cooking us all an Easter meal but he's currently laying on the garden lawn with a bucket next to him.

His mum is bringing him tea and toast, but I have no sympathy.

He thinks I'm overreacting and that's it's funny and i should 'chill out man' ... his parents have bought all the food for him to make the meal, and made a big effort to make everyone Easter bags, and it's our sons first Easter, I know he won't remember but I still wanted it to be special.

I would be making it crystal clear that this is not to be happening again. He needs to grow up.

Sounds like a weekend that you need to chalk up to experience OP. For some reason he regresses to a teenager when he goes home and you just need to be aware of that. It’s slightly insane that his parents didn’t crack on and cook, I mean they are hosting? Perhaps plan a was he cooked but after his shenanigans, they should have moved to plan b or the three of you and baby gone out to a pub and left him to sleep it off. Definitely glad you didn’t do the cooking though! It must have been a truly annoying all round. Waking everyone up at 3:30am would be the main thing I’d be pissed off about, and I would definitely be clear that is not to happen again. In terms of getting smashed with old mates, sometimes I appreciate things can get out of hand, perhaps he didn’t eat enough dinner etc but I think just be clear that now he’s a father, he needs to start looking after himself a bit better. They don’t go through what we go through - carrying and birthing and feeding a baby, and it takes them a while to really appreciate the level of responsibility they now hold.

I am sure he will get there eventually with some more boundaries in place. And yes definitely make sure you’re at your parents for Christmas!

Oh right. So you’ll tell him never to do it again. Such amazingly high standards there. Is there any other part of your relationship where you tell your partner what they can and can’t do or just the ones you have high standards over?

I would have wanted to know in advance if that had been his intention and I wouldn't have gone with him to the in laws.

If my DH did this as more than a one off I would be reconsidering the relationship. But he wouldn't and I knew that before marrying him. I was very cautious after my exDH who had an alcohol problem and would have considered that a perfectly reasonable to behave.

If he never drinks much and is so hungover because his body is not used to it and was really apologetic, I would forgive it but be clear I expected it to never happen again. His attitude afterwards would be what would really bother me and if he thinks you are the one with the problem, that would be a big issue.

It's not about telling them what they can and can't do, it's putting up boundaries and saying this is not acceptable for me in a relationship and this is not a relationship I want to be in if you want to live like this.

I personally would hate to live with someone who considered it fine to come home drunk at 3.30am, wake me up and spend the following day hungover. I would rather be single. When people live together they need to consider the impact of their behaviour on others.

That’s my point. Your boundary is saying to him “I will not accept you doing that. This time it’s a warning, but next time… well….. we’ll see 😂”

It only sounds hard arse and boundaried in your own head, it’s ultimately meaningless

now if you had just walked out, divorced and never spoken to him again that would be an actual boundary. Crazy, but undeniably a boundary.

Sorry wrong thread, can't remove the quote

I suppose it depends how receptive the man is to the woman's reaction and the putting down of boundaries.

If it's a very strong reaction and he wants to make the relationship work it might make him think again. Because at the end of the day, upsetting and annoying a partner too many times can very often be the beginning of the end.

If he really doesn't care that she hates living like that then he might continue to behave in this way. And she might decide she's had enough.

At least by putting down boundaries, needs and expectations are communicated and gives the opportunity for the other person to consider what they might do next time. Saying nothing and pretending it's OK is worse.

So what’s the link to low standards? (Which was the original quote) is it that you have low standards if you don’t tell your husband that you were disappointed with this behaviour?

Because I don’t think there is any doubt OP and the posters on the thread would tell him that.

I think there are many more boundaries you can put in place before you start throwing divorce about. For instance, if you’re going up to see old mates from back home and drinking is involved, I will not be coming with you. Or if it’s past 2am, don’t bother coming home that night - get a hotel or stay with a mate. Or if you make a promise to cook lunch and you’re too hungover to do it, then we’re going out for lunch without you.