People who only talk about themselves

[Fragmentedbrain]

I am lucky to have friends from various stages in life and we meet often. But lately I've noticed a unifying trend - they only talk about themselves. Almost exclusively. Their problems, their news, their experiences.

I like to hear about this obviously and offer support or act as a sounding board.

But when we part they don't know anything about me, on the whole.

Sometimes when I do tell them news they react in a bored or incredulous way, then back to them.

I think people are getting more self obsessed.

Next time you see a friend maybe try spending half an hour asking them about themselves (and reacting with interest and care) because you might be the only one to do it.

Met a few like this and they weren’t friends for long. Not wasting my life on that, I could be anyone.
They just want all the attention. Or some have social anxiety and talk too much. Either way I don’t hang around for it.

Love this

What I can’t understand is how people can talk for hours about other people, but ask nothing about you. So how do these others carve their way into the conversation?

Dsis never asks about me or dcs, and if I mention anything, there is just silence, or worse she picks up her phone. Yet she can tell me in the greatest detail about the life and times of bil’s family and her friends. I don’t get it!

I agree OP. There were always people like this but it’s gotten worse. Way worse. People have become trained in broadcasting information about themselves on social media and have forgotten the art of conversation.

You can tell even when some people are hearing during a conversation, that they aren’t actually listening. They are just waiting for an opportunity to bring the conversation back to their broadcast.

People who only talk about themselves and people who never talk about themselves bother me in equal measure. I've a pal who asks follow on after follow on question and makes me do all the talking and it makes me feel bad because she tells me nothing and I feel a bit exposed and vulnerable after hanging out with her.

The thing that annoys me the most is when people take your story and turn it into their narrative even if they are talking about someone else. Like a friend who would cut across me when I tried to talk about my kids autism assessment by telling me about her colleagues kids assessment. Or someone who would ask how my cancer suffering mother was then talk through all the other people they heard of with cancer, my friend Jean's husbands brother has the same thing and went for a scan etc etc. The one that stands out for me was when I had newborn twins and a stranger was admiring them, interrupting a very rare quiet moment between feeds and told me all about her neighbours grand daughter's C section with twins. Surely if we have to sit her and talk about this I should be the one talking!

I has a friend who was exactly like this

Dp once said her favourite topic was 'me,myself and i'

She goes on and on about her ex (they broke up 10 years ago),his girlfriend (the ow),her new bloke (he's pissing her about),her son and her dog

She has no idea about my life at all-shes not interested in hearing about me-name a topic of conversation and she'll turn it back to herself

The last straw was when I had my first dgc and she couldn't say 'congratulations',just banged on about how she'll never be a granny

I've faded her out-i cannot put up with endless messages,voice notes or phone calls so she can wang on about herself

I srwad to think about how many precious days off or annual leave I've wasted listening to her banging on about people I've never met,how her life/job is going or her whinging about how her fella is incapable of putting her first

Sod her

One friend is a lovely, interesting person but her delivery style tends to be in anecdotes. These are often really entertaining but leave little opportunity for meaningful interaction. I think maybe some people are permanently on 'transmit' mode while those on 'receive' mode can, quite naturally, get a bit ticked off with the communication imbalance. I've now started to muscle in with my own nuggets of news but there's sometimes the feeling that you're interrupting someone's conversational flow.

In general though, my closest friends have a pretty good balance of sharing news along with asking questions to find out about what's been going on in my life too and we tend to ask follow up questions that indicate active listening and engagement.

Sometimes life circumstances mean someone needs to dominate the conversation when they're going through stuff and that's understandable but it shouldn't be every time you meet up otherwise you're basically an unpaid therapist or an audience for their 'this is my life' show.

I’ve just had five hours of this from my father. Five of us round the table and he went on endlessly about himself (again) if anyone chimed in with a related comment or anecdote or attempt to change the subject he’d just say “well anyway” and flip straight back to himself. I used to find his total disinterest in me and anything I’m doing upsetting but now I’m resigned to it. I have some huge things coming up in the next month, significant public recognition stuff, “well
anyway…”.

I had to stop seeing a friend because she would spend hours talking about herself and her work and people I don’t even know. She wouldn’t ask anything about me, it was just a reason for her to talk exclusively about herself life.
I put up with it for so many years and then just decided I couldn’t anymore.

That's the thing. You put up with it while you have to, then move on. It's amazing how some just have no interest at all in others.

The hard thing is when family do it and you can’t ditch them! My mum used to do this, I realised she barely knew anything about my life and it was sad … but I knew all about the health issues of the cousin of next door but 1 🫤

My sisters friend was like this

Last straw was when her daughter blacked out (due to rare brain/heart health condition she has) and hit her head while they were all out. She was shaking after etc

sister was running around bringing her water/meds/helping her up and as this was happening she goes to the daughter as she was still barely conscious on floor must be nice having someone care for you. I HAVE NO ONE!!!

wtf! And How do you witness something like this and make this about yourself!!

she also went this happened to her because god wanted me to see it. He wanted to show me this (umm What) She then burst into tears and began crying out loud (wtf) and had everyone turn their attention to her and comfort her ( there were no tears btw)

she also called my sister a few hours later when they got home crying out loud