People who only talk about themselves

[Fragmentedbrain]

I am lucky to have friends from various stages in life and we meet often. But lately I've noticed a unifying trend - they only talk about themselves. Almost exclusively. Their problems, their news, their experiences.

I like to hear about this obviously and offer support or act as a sounding board.

But when we part they don't know anything about me, on the whole.

Sometimes when I do tell them news they react in a bored or incredulous way, then back to them.

I think people are getting more self obsessed.

Next time you see a friend maybe try spending half an hour asking them about themselves (and reacting with interest and care) because you might be the only one to do it.

I have a friend who can talk about herself for as long as you let her. I didn’t mind too much because I don’t think she has that many people to talk to but I’ve been ignoring her calls for the past few months because I’m having my own troubles with DD2 and just don’t have the bandwidth for it at the moment. She will ask after DD2 and then say ‘I’m sure she’ll be all right’ when actually no, nobody can be sure of that.

I find with friends that we quite often share experiences - I guess that could look like we only talk about ourselves? But we want to know about each other. We've had interesting lives!

My father only talks about himself. Or rather, things he finds interesting in his life. He doesn't care to know about me. I avoid him.

I guess you could try to find different friends? Mix things up a bit.

I think people don’t get to actually talk to people enough now and so all their stuff comes out. I also think there’s a slight irony to people saying they don’t talk to people any more because they don’t want to hear about them, that sort of means they want to talk about themselves more

Yeah some people do go on about themselves too much but tbh my sister complains about this but NEVER volunteers any information about herself, gives short answers, makes any detail about what she’s been up to so hard to elicit then whinges ‘nobody asks me anything’. They’re bored of asking, just say it.

A work friend of mine is like that. I said something about my dad and she was utterly dismissive along the likes of 'oh, a lot of people are like that...' .
The next time she started up about her sister's MILs i walked out of the office.

I'm not making excuses for people, but do they have many people to talk to? I've found that people with a reduced circle tend to just brain dump when they see someone more than others who have a wider circle with more frequent contact.

I have two friends like this. One is male and almost definitely on the autistic spectrum. The other is female and seems addicted to drama as she always has something going on no matter how quiet you'd think her life would be in her present circumstances. But she's always fighting with someone or complaining about something. And yes never asks about me. She doesn't have the mental capacity to.

I’ve done a cull. Removed all those people and heard not a jot from any of them.

Feels good.

What I just fail to understand is their lack of awareness that I or who we are with have not spoken a single word in ages.

Not a word, they have talked at me/us for 15,20,40,60 minutes and not once have any of us spoken.

They just don’t seem to notice or care either.

The absolute pits though is when you do finally get a small window to chip in and they interrupt, cut you off to continue to talk about themselves again.
Gone. Removed, gone from my contacts.

Those people who have a genuine interest in you and what you are up to are rare indeed. I too am interested in them.
Luckily, I have a couple of them. Keep them close. Worth their weight in gold are them folk.

Have you ever been to a dinner party where all of the men decide to weight their watches (again - I don't mean more than once a night - but since the last dinner party they were all at) That does get boring.....

@NoBiscuitsLeftInMyTinwhat does weighting watches mean?

It’s not something I’ve observed among my friends. In your shoes, if literally all of your friends are doing this, I’d be asking yourself if it’s something you’re doing. Are you positioning yourself as the listening ear/shoulder to cry on? Your post suggests you are.As ever, the only behaviour you can change here is your own. Next time you see a friend, don’t ask eagerly for ‘all their news’, say ‘Let me tell you what’s been going o n in my life’. Don’t wait to be invited to talk.

All of the women in my family. Get them in a room together and it’s like a competition of who can hold court. They will literally talk over someone else who is talking and try to be louder and more forceful to win the room.

I don’t know how I came from the same family. I’ve always asked questions and wanted to be asked back but offer relevant info about myself if it makes sense.

I’ve tried just coming out with my own information around the talkers but they grab it and use it to talk about themselves even more! You give up in the end.

I am currently avoiding talking to a friend I have had since uni. She talks about herself, but also explains my life to me and rewrites history in her head.
Another one is a work colleague, who talks at me every day but knows nothing about me.
I feel like I am getting to old for this crap, but I am too much of a people pleaser to tell them to f off.

I don’t think I was like this pre-children but to be honest adult conversation is such a novelty to me these days I probably do go on a bit if I’m given the chance.
I’m also on strict time limits and phone calls are mostly me just going “so how’s work? Hang on a second… GET DOWN FROM THERE! PUT THAT DOWN! YOU’LL GET HURT… sorry, lovely, what were you saying?… I SAID “GET DOWN”
In my defence I wish I did get to hear the answers to the questions about my friends’ lives more but it’s the reality of the stage of life I’m at. Luckily most of them are at the same stage too and hopefully we’ll make it out the other side alive with our friendship in tact.

That’s horrible, I’m so sorry.

Oh dear lol, yes me too 😑. I’ve had to ghost a fiend because she’s become so comfortable trauma dumping in me - she will come over all odd times and I was so naive that I’d think it was to see me but she’d immediately launch into a monologue of her life’s ups and down and if I dared intervene she’d start checking her phone and just clearly not listening to me. After years and years of this, as I’m no good with confrontation I just ghosted her. It happened quite naturally as she wanted to come around and I asked she come a few days later as I had a cold and that apparently offended her because she went quiet on me for several months and then tried to pick up like normal and I just didn’t have it in me anymore. I recently split with my ex, lost my dad, am struggling to stay on track with my FT job whilst dealing with life as a single person with no other family/friends and so I had no choice but to just lay low. It’s sad to think I’ll never see her again but I know I need it for my mental well being.

Yep! I have phased people like this out as life is just too short. I am now very quick to avoid developing a friendship with people that show this tendency. It's very tiresome.

I agree. It’s so common. So many people just talk at me, explaining in great detail about things going on in their life, fully expecting me to listen. And I do and ask relevant questions. But as soon as I start talking about something going on in own life they glaze over and jump in very quickly to turn the conversation back to them. I just wonder if people have really poor self awareness or feel entitled to dominate the conversation and expect people to be interested in their lives when they have no interest in others. Thankfully I have a few good friends who don’t do this and the conversation is much more balanced!

Yes I think it’s become worse since the pandemic. I just quietly drop people but it’s hard when it’s your family.

If I'm stuck with someone for the first time and they've been banging on about themselves beyond social norms I have been known to say something along the lines of "if you'd like to know anything about me at any point, do let me know". Some people just bring out my sarcastic, intolerant side.

I’m past 60 and apart from one or two more narcissistic types - none of my friends or acquaintances do this
If in a group situation and someone is taking over the conversation or not joining in much, I or others make sure to include them

Yes. My friend at the school gate for many years would only talk about herself. And never so much as ask how are you. It could be quite boastful at times. I have family members the same. Only interested in themselves. They are also the types to never arrange anything. They expect you to do it all. It's almost rare these days to find people you can have a two way conversation with.

Plenty of people like this - lack of social skills / awareness combined with a self obsessed personality and really a genuine lack of interest in other people unless it affects them . Have one friend like this and she always says - you are such a good listener …. There is no option!!

I call people who only talk about themselves and never ask you anything 'energy vampires'.

My Dad does this to an extent. He's always been like this and I roll my eyes a bit. He just has a narrow view of the world so can't relate to some things and brings it back to his experiences. Will ask me how I am or how things are but doesn't really care for details or want to listen too much.

A few friends were like this. I met up with some at Christmas and noticed it was me asking questions and seeing how things were. So I just stayed quiet and in an hour only one person asked me something so I made a mental note just to stay in touch with her and sod the rest really.