To think getting old is really shit!

[Toffeesgirl]

In a&e with my 91 year old dad, he can't walk and has been bed bound for a week and has got an uti.

We're getting
amazing care but 99% of the patients are elderly with various ailments and most are in pain and scared and alone.

It's so sad and terrifying to see ones future.

I’m so sorry to read about your poor dad. Yes getting old and frail is awful. Personally I want to go peacefully whilst I’m still in a reasonable state. I really don’t want to get old and be a burden to my family.

Yanbu...it's shit.

Hospitals sure are sobering places, especially on wards with many elderly ones.

Sure makes all the crap we worry about in life seem ridiculous. We should all be making hay as best we can while wr have our (relative) youth and health

It’s cycle of life stuff. And good on you for being there for your dad.
We all fall apart to various different degrees in the end. Warding off a bad old age - so staying forcible, keep walking, eat healthily - when we’re still in our 30s and 40s etc is worth every bit of effort.

Getting old is scary but it's better than dying young.

I really don’t want to get old and be a burden to my family.

I really don’t like that phrase- I love my mum and she’s always looked out for us ergo she is not a burden to us, same when my dad was dying, he wasn’t a burden. Life was intolerably difficult but I was still always happy we still had him and I felt good we could give something back. Not wanting to burden is why too many people don’t ask for help in life. (Sorry it’s just a thing I always think!)

I understand your point but from my perspective, you do feel like a burden. My family are absolutely lovely and they really care. However, when you’ve been independent and the carer for them, it’s really hard to ask for help.

Sorry about your dad. My 84 year old mum can’t do anything as of about 2 years now and is bed bound most of the time. She kept having falls, eventually her arthritis and osteoporosis meant she has such bad knees she can’t walk. She’s as active as ever in her head and has never been one to sit around yet now has to have everything done for her and can’t go out. It’s awful.

YANBU. Switzerland will call for sure.

YANBU and whilst I am so grateful to have my parents when so many don’t, it is so hard. DM has dementia and it’s so hard when she doesn’t know who I am, and seeing her so horrible to my poor dad who still loves her so much, and how it makes him suffer, despite his age related disability, is heartbreaking.
They were fabulous until lockdown (they were 86 and 81 when it hit) and am sure this hurried them to where they are now.
Sometimes I feel so selfish when I snap, but they live with me and I care for them and work full time. It terrifies me.

Yes it's really horrible and depressing. Both my parents have dementia. Mum early 70s, dad late 70s. It's a hard watch for sure.

Being old certainly has it's down sided, but there are also some pretty good things too.

I'm in my 70s but I'm frail, I cannot get out of the house without help, on a small mountain of drugs and blah blah blah. Those are the bad things.

The good things are I can sit and watch the season's change, I never had time to see it in so much detail before. I can say the things I've always wanted to say, from "you are behaving foolishly because..... But I love you".
And "yes doctor, I understand giving up my consumption of good wine would make my health better, but I don't want to give it up, so I'll deal with the consequences".

I've seen my great nieces and nephews born and start to grow, which is a joy made even more joyful for me because I'm not responsible for their well being.

Dying is inevitable, but it feels to me like putting a book aside, just when it's got to the good part. I'll go, when fate decrees it, but I'll miss knowing the rest of that very good book.

Yeah it’s shit, especially when the old age stuff starts in the 60s for some.. all we can do is not smoke, drink, drugs and have healthy diet and exercise, keep stress as low as we can, and hope it makes things easier as we get older.

This x 100

Absolutely and obviously I'm not seeing the well elderly people but I still believe there's a definite quality vs quantity aspect.

Thank you for all good wishes. Dad's having various scans and tests throughout the night.

And good news, there's a 24 hour Costa inthe hospital 😀

I think it’s down to quality of life . I don’t see the point of being kept alive when you have no physical or mental capacity and the end result is one way . I wonder if down the line the considerable costs of care will determine being helped on the way .

I fell in the middle of the night not long ago and kept struggling to get up but couldn’t.
I’d hit my head and broke my arm on the way down.
Finally, at about 5:30am it occurred to me both that I wasn’t going anywhere and that my iPhone was on top of my bed - so I yelled hey siri call 911 (I’m in California) - and it worked!
The nice 911 officer and I had to yell at each other over my phone, but they sent the ambulance.
They mean it when they call them smart phones. Siri saved me that day.

Agree, it's actually cruel to let people live like this. It gets so sad when all they want is to pass on and heartbreaking to watch.

Well we've been here 13 hours now, still awaiting test results to decide if he needs to be admitted or not. 2 elderly people have, very sadly, passed away tonight.

Staff are amazing.

Lots of people are being kept alive with various medical interventions with no regard for quality of life, it is sad.

It just makes me want to live as long in a healthy way as possible and try to enjoy life now. I've had relatives die at 31 and 46 in my lifetime, and I've already outlived my dad's mum who died of breast cancer at 47. Two neighbours died in their 40s and 50s during the pandemic. At nearly 50, getting old is not quite as terrifying a prospect as dying soon afaic.

So sorry about your dad, OP, hope he's had a good life up to recent times. My mum is a litle bit younger and very unwell.

My mum died in her 60s of very poor health due to lifestyle. My dad while older has a lot of health conditions due to lifestyle. It’s hard to watch.My in laws were managing and fit mid 80s and now declining. It’s again hard to see the changes of being elderly.

Because of my own family health, i do try and live healthier and be as strong as i can to help my old age but it’s still not a given. I want to live life for now and enjoy things while i can!

took my dh to A & E
there was an elderly lady, brought in by her care home, and left there, no access to toilet, or food and drink.

I'm quite old with very old parents. I actually like being quite old, not sure how I will feel about being very old. Both my parents have physical difficulties that have got much worse over the last three years and various ailments. My mother says they are wearing out and I think that's a fair description. Watching them age I have come to the conclusion that the best approach is to try and age well and think about the things that will make that happen. Trying the be physically fit yes, but also thinking about your environment. I'm definitely downsizing to a bungalow and somewhere with good transport links for instance, using paid for services, if financially possible, embracing technology, I will be first in the queue for a companion robot

Sending love, OP.

I remember by grandfather crying after his dementia diagnosis because he didn’t want to be a burden to us all and was heartbroken about the idea of not being able to recognise his loved ones. Within a few weeks of his diagnosis he deteriorated so quickly.
It was heartbreaking to watch and I feel like we did our grieving during this time rather than when he died.
I also believe that they get to a point where they just give up on “purpose”, if that makes sense? My grandmother was relatively “with it” but following a few falls that completely altered her quality of life, she told my mum that she felt useless and fed up and stopped eating or drinking to try and “speed things up”.

Just makes me want to live my life to the fullest while I still can, and show my friends and family so much love that they can hold on to when it’s my time to go!