Page 2 | To think getting old is really shit!

Toffeesgirl · 2025-04-19T22:26:45+00:00

In a&e with my 91 year old dad, he can't walk and has been bed bound for a week and has got an uti. We're getting amazing care but 99% of the patients are elderly with various ailments and most are in pain and scared and alone. It's so sad and terrifying to see ones future.

AhBiscuits · 20/04/2025 07:41

I'm sorry about your Dad, that's really hard to deal with.

My Dad dropped dead at 77 from a heart attack. He was enjoying his life, just driven home from the shops, and the postman found him dead in his car on the driveway. It was devastating and so unexpected.

There is no easy way to lose a parent, be it a slow decline or a sudden end. Both are hard for different reasons.

You are right, getting old sucks.

breadpie · 20/04/2025 07:58

Old age is a privilege I am not looking forward to

BeneathTheSea · 20/04/2025 08:07

My Mum is 81 and says she's never been happier than at this stage of her life and wouldn't want to revisit any earlier stages of life. I hope I'm the same at her age.

NormasArse · 20/04/2025 08:13

I’m in pain a lot, due to arthritis. My lifestyle is still very active, but it hurts.

I can either give in to it, or keep going.

But if my mind starts to go, I’m out of here. I watched both grandmothers succumb to dementia, and I’m not having it.

Zet1 · 20/04/2025 08:22

Pieceofpurplesky · 19/04/2025 23:54

YANBU and whilst I am so grateful to have my parents when so many don’t, it is so hard. DM has dementia and it’s so hard when she doesn’t know who I am, and seeing her so horrible to my poor dad who still loves her so much, and how it makes him suffer, despite his age related disability, is heartbreaking.
They were fabulous until lockdown (they were 86 and 81 when it hit) and am sure this hurried them to where they are now.
Sometimes I feel so selfish when I snap, but they live with me and I care for them and work full time. It terrifies me.

Edited

Sorry to hear this. I have the same with my DM. The decline in her health since lockdown has been scary

Mikart · 20/04/2025 08:29

We are 66. Luckily fit and healthy, no health issues, we take no medications and have full mobility.
It horrifies me to think of what we may become. I'd rather bow out at 75 with full faculties than trudge on till I'm 90 dependent on others for my day to day needs.

Pennyplant19 · 20/04/2025 08:32

My 85 year old Mum has advanced Dementia and has been in a&e a number of times over the years after falls/UTIs etc, and I feel awful watching the number of elderly patients alone, with no-one to advocate for them. Makes me so sad and dread getting older.

Pennyplant19 · 20/04/2025 08:32

Mikart · 20/04/2025 08:29

We are 66. Luckily fit and healthy, no health issues, we take no medications and have full mobility.
It horrifies me to think of what we may become. I'd rather bow out at 75 with full faculties than trudge on till I'm 90 dependent on others for my day to day needs.

Totally agree with you

Bryonyberries · 20/04/2025 08:36

I used to work in elderly care and it was hard seeing what life had become for some people. Although there were amazing ones too like the 99yr old lady who was still active and mentally sharp. She died at 100 the same month my daughter was born and it was amazing what different worlds each had been born into in a space of 100 years.

I’m 50 next year and starting to see the changes in myself now from ten years ago.

Namerchangee · 20/04/2025 08:36

Been there OP and it is shit. 💐

QueefQueen80s · 20/04/2025 09:01

Pennyplant19 · 20/04/2025 08:32

My 85 year old Mum has advanced Dementia and has been in a&e a number of times over the years after falls/UTIs etc, and I feel awful watching the number of elderly patients alone, with no-one to advocate for them. Makes me so sad and dread getting older.

When I’ve been in a&e on the dreaded 24hr waits I saw more elderly people without anyone at all than with someone. Just left confused and in pain, no dignity. Obviously I didn’t know what kind of people they were but I’m sure they weren’t all bad people who had alienated everyone in their lives… it was sad.

unsync · 20/04/2025 09:01

Seeing the decline of my parents is one of the things that made me change my lifestyle in my 50s (and divorcing abusive exH). I'm stronger and fitter now than I have been for 30 years. I am hoping it is not too late.

I sometimes think that my parent who declined cancer treatment in their 80th year and died within five months, knew what they were doing.

lostinthesunshine · 20/04/2025 09:10

user1471453601 · 20/04/2025 00:00

Being old certainly has it's down sided, but there are also some pretty good things too.

I'm in my 70s but I'm frail, I cannot get out of the house without help, on a small mountain of drugs and blah blah blah. Those are the bad things.

The good things are I can sit and watch the season's change, I never had time to see it in so much detail before. I can say the things I've always wanted to say, from "you are behaving foolishly because..... But I love you".
And "yes doctor, I understand giving up my consumption of good wine would make my health better, but I don't want to give it up, so I'll deal with the consequences".

I've seen my great nieces and nephews born and start to grow, which is a joy made even more joyful for me because I'm not responsible for their well being.

Dying is inevitable, but it feels to me like putting a book aside, just when it's got to the good part. I'll go, when fate decrees it, but I'll miss knowing the rest of that very good book.

What a lovely post @user1471453601

SummerDaysOnTheWay · 20/04/2025 09:16

I really wish we were better as a country in dealing with this. It’s fucking shit getting old, agreed . But our services could be so much better.

SunnyDenimKoala · 20/04/2025 09:20

I'm in a similar situation with a relative.

I actually think it's a great death because they're ready to go, the family is ready for them to go, they're not in pain and will just close their eyes and not wake up.

Watching my 42 year old best friend die of cancer was terrible. She had young kids, parents, dozens of people who still wanted her around.

And she went through horrendous emotional pain and grief about her own death for months before she died.

I'd rather be old and welcoming it then young and life being taken away decades too early.

Fragmentedbrain · 20/04/2025 09:22

I am going for euthanasia in my 70s if I'm lucky enough to be sufficiently able bodied.

Fragmentedbrain · 20/04/2025 09:22

(but I don't understand why folk are so attached to being alive - sure I wouldn't want to abandon anyone right now but I can't wait to blow this joint)

Rainbowpeppercorn · 20/04/2025 09:24

I'm sorry to hear about your dad, I hope you both managed a peaceful night in the end and he's getting the treatment he needs.

I agree with you though. Tbh, until around 6-7 years ago I didn't give getting old much thought but now I'm 52 and 7 years into caring for my 82 year old mum who suffers from a host of health issues including breast cancer and Alzheimer's. My 84 year old previously happy and chirpy dad is in good health but a shell of himself being the primary carer of a dementia patient and seeing his wife of over years slowly slipping away. It's shit and I'm terrified of getting old.

I've been in A&E a few times with mum and it is mainly full of elderly but what terrifies me the most is how many are all on their own, no family nearby and they look so lost and bewildered. I've told my kids if I get dementia to put me in a home. I don't want to be a burden to them but I also don't want to be left alone, frail and lost.

In saying that my neighbour is 91, still drives and is as fit as a fiddle, almost jogs down the road to get his paper every day.

Slipperfairy · 20/04/2025 09:56

And this is why I think we should have the right to end our own lives easily and painlessly, whenever we want. The only time I've really feared death has been since having children, because I wouldn't want to leave them young.

I'm mid 40s and things are starting to creak. There are minor things wrong that can't be fixed. I have some relatives limping on with dementia; other, previously fit, active relatives in their 80s, who can't even walk to the shops because their bodies are giving in. I don't want either of those lives, thanks.

ICantBeDoingWithThat · 20/04/2025 10:01

curious79 · 19/04/2025 23:32

It’s cycle of life stuff. And good on you for being there for your dad.
We all fall apart to various different degrees in the end. Warding off a bad old age - so staying forcible, keep walking, eat healthily - when we’re still in our 30s and 40s etc is worth every bit of effort.

Agree. I try my hardest to keep as healthy as possible, for fear of patchy health care as we all get older.

Foolsgold74 · 30/04/2025 16:23

hattie43 · 20/04/2025 04:03

I think it’s down to quality of life . I don’t see the point of being kept alive when you have no physical or mental capacity and the end result is one way . I wonder if down the line the considerable costs of care will determine being helped on the way .

My Dad had little quality of life. He was housebound for the last 20 years of his life. Severe physical disability. Carers 4 times a day. Unable to do anything for himself. Mentally still all there though. Do you not see the point in keeping him alive? What would you have suggested?