"Ipad Kid" ??

[Becc91]

Worried I'm going to be grilled for this 🙈... But has anyone else noticed that whenever you go out to eat there always seems to be a sticky toddler with an i pad?!
After seeing this for a 3rd time this week , complete with spaghetti hoops on the screen , a nasty cough and vacant parents who could care less - one of whom was ON THEIR PHONE 😱 i made what I thought was a reasonable request

to turn off the loud video of dancing fruits , only to be looked at like I'd grown a 3rd head?!?! DS (19) typically embarrassed- says I was out of order , but I just can't understand the laziness of it all.Is it just me?😲

True, there seems to be a growing movement of 'i hate kids people' so even the mere mention of a child is. 'I dont like kids! Why do i have to hear about them!' 🤣

But you can ignore eye rolls i suppose. People cannot ignore loud screen use. And they cannot ignore the weird silent zombie atmosphere of restaurants now.

Feels strange being the few people actually talking to each other.

100%. Kids should be taken everywhere, as that’s how they learn to be part of society and to interact in an appropriate social way. A kids who isn’t taken anywhere or taught to behave in a socially acceptable way, is unlikely to behave in a socially acceptable way. Then they’re at risk of being diagnosed with a condition where they can’t understand social norms.

The main way they learn is via learned behaviour. If a parent is constantly on their phone, a child will want to copy. It was the same when parents smoked in front of kids: the kids would pretend to smoke. IMHO if you’re constantly on your phone while with your kids, it’s just as bad. And you’re probably addicted in the same way as a smoker.

If kids aren’t taught to sit at a table with their family to eat at home every day, and are instead allowed to eat off their lap, in front of the tv while walking or running around, of course they’ll struggle to miraculously sit at a table in a cafe or restaurant. It’s not rocket science.

100%

The research about screen use in young children is pretty damning.

But if they're not my children, it's not (directly) my problem.*

The biggest problem with screens in restaurants is when they are allowed to disturb the atmosphere for others.

And unfortunately, in the Venn diagram of different types of screen users, the overlap between people whose children can't possibly sit through a meal without staring gormlessly at a screen and people who think it's OK to disturb other people with annoying electronic noises is huge.

*I do have some concerns about the overall calibre of the other children in my children's classes at school if too many of them are heavy screen users.

Right. We agree on that. But we disagree that it needs to be learned at an early age, it's really not the same as reading 😕

The biggest problem with screens in restaurants is when they are allowed to disturb the atmosphere for others.

This...
Not everyone dislikes children.
Not everyone cares if your DC has a device, wherever you may be.

But not everyone wants to listen/hear said device.

When in a public eaterie pretty much all people are interested in when asking is for the volume to be kept down so everyone within ear shot can enjoy their food and own conversation at a decent time level.

That’s fair enough. I think we will have to agree to disagree on that one, then, as I think the social/soft skills are just as important as the academics to start early.

But you think it’s OK to disturb EVERYONE ELSE? There’s two sides to that and more consideration is required. Headphones are the way here so that everyone is happy.

PUT SOME HEADPHONES ON YOUR CHILD, BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO HEAR COCOMELON.

Nothing wrong with colouring books at all. It only escalates if you’re unable to get your children to understand that that is their limit. I’ve always done colouring books, and restaurants give them out, it’s quiet and gives them a break from the adult environment. it takes a lot longer (ordering and waiting for it come) than at home to have a meal. I don’t use screens but if the kid is wearing headphones I don’t really have a problem with it.

So, when you're home, you ask your kids to sit at the table, then you ask what they want to eat, then they have to stay sitting at the table while you cook it?

And is your dining room massive, with lots of other people eating at different tables, many of whom will get their food before your kids?

Really?

Or is eating in a restaurant very different from eating at home so it can be treated differently?

I am going to be ‘that mum’ but really honestly it’s just fucking monumental laziness .. my kids were born in mid 90s so no iPads .. DS (ASD special school completely non verbal until 9 ish) somehow we used to manage going out for dinner without manic running around (because I said ‘no’) .. and there were no screens .. some of the restaurants had colouring .. that was it .. we all lived .. but you know what ? We didn’t have phones either so were actually TALKING to our children..

I am going to be ‘that mum’ but really honestly it’s just fucking monumental laziness .. my kids were born in mid 90s so no iPads .. DS (ASD special school completely non verbal until 9 ish) somehow we used to manage going out for dinner without manic running around (because I said ‘no’) .. and there were no screens .. some of the restaurants had colouring .. that was it .. we all lived .. but you know what ? We didn’t have phones either so were actually TALKING to our children..

My own mother despises children on phones in restaurants and judges hard. Yet whenever she’s alone with the kids, they always end up watching tv by the end of the day! She forgets how hard it is when they’re tiny.

This.
And yes, I will complain, to you and the restaurant staff if necessary.

I really want this to be a parody post, but sadly I have a feeling it isn’t. How selfish you sound, if this post is serious.

Fair 😊

"I don't know if that's a good excuse to be honest as really you want to try and engage children with autism to have conversation not stifle them even more."

You are right you don't know and the parents probably know more.

Anyone saying “neurodiversity” and “volume low” is a hypocrite - volume off or headphones, otherwise you’re making the environment intolerable for other people, including neurodiverse children and adults, and people with hearing impairments. The volume isn’t “low” just because it’s not at the maximum, we can all hear the tinny whine

It seems a little needlessly judgemental to use language such as 'gormlessly' in your critique of an example of a child using a coping strategy independently and with consideration for others.

There is evidence of screen use, especially passive and open-ended screen use, being detrimental to children's development, principally considering scenarios in which screens are used by neurotypical children with limited parental engagement. But you've not chosen to discuss that constructively. Instead, you've used phrases like "brain rotting" and "gormlessly", language which may well be upsetting to parents who have neurodiverse children for whom time-limited and often quite structured screentime can be a valuable tool.

In the case of the young boy in my example, he's a lovely kid who's an absolute delight to have spend time with our family and academically he's years ahead of where others his age are (think A-level textbooks in primary school). If 5 minutes of a maths lecture on a screen (on mute) as a break helps him self-regulate enough to enjoy a meal out with his friends (who didn't watch it), that's an overall win for his social development too, given that the alternative at that point would have probably been leaving and missing out on the rest of the fun.

I'd choose him and his lovely, pragmatic and non-judgemental dad any day, rather than someone who refers to children using language such as 'gormless' and thinks talking about the 'overall calibre' of children is acceptable.

I don't care as long as the sound is off. Not down, off.

And of course I don't want half the children in my kid's class to be developmentally delayed compared to children raised in the pre screen era. That's not in anyone's interests.

Well, you clearly do care when you're posting this way in response to an example in which a device was on mute.

The problem is that 99% of the time these devices are not on mute.

And there seems to be a large overlap between parents who say their kids need screens because they are autistic and parents who say their kids can't wear headphones because they are autistic.

So direct your criticisms towards that, not towards an example of why blanket judgement isn't helpful or appropriate.

Talk about selfish. Don't use an iPad or use headphones. Your child isn't more important than evey other poor person that happens to be in the restaurant at the same time as you.
Get him used to headphones or engage with him don't inflict his wants on everyone else.