Have i just done controlled crying or cry it out?I feel sick

[CanIpetthatdoge]

Baby is 9 months old. Last couple of months has been a nightmare, waking every 20-30 mins crying, needing dummy put back in or general comfort. I’ve tried co sleeping and even holding him in my arms all night but that hasn’t worked. I’m at the point where I physically can’t do it anymore, I am completely run down, getting ill all the time, today I’ve got an eye infection of all things.
baby goes down fine in cot during day for naps but at night it’s a different story. Tonight I put him to bed and let him cry, I didn’t leave the room, I sat next to the cot and soothed him, put his dummy in, stroked his hair, sang to him, gave him his teddy etc but he still cried but I didn’t get him out. He didn’t cry the whole time, he did have periods where he was quiet. He’s gone to sleep now and I’m crying, have I just done cry it out? I always swore I could never just let my baby cry but now I’ve done it and he probably wonders why I’m being so horrible all of a sudden. I feel sick.
my husband does do some nights but we have an autistic older son who struggles with sleep too so our focus is normally on one child each at bedtimes. He does give me a ‘lay in’ in the mornings as he starts work later but it’s only a few hours and not enough for me to recover.

As others have said you have done some sleep training GGT

Gentle gradual retreat

you are there whole time

cc and cio you leave the room

you did nothing wrong

you need sleep just as baby does

a few nights of this and should get easier

sometimes worth getting rid of the dummy if they wake when comes out

I did wonder about the dummy as he does wake when it comes out unless in a deep sleep. But it really does give him comfort and I believe in a babies need to suckle so I’m hoping he might get the idea of putting it back in himself eventually. He is quite lazy though so it might take a while 😂

I did sleep training with my 10 month old (I used a Sleep Consultant) and me and DH used controlled crying. This involved us putting him to bed and when he was upset we went in at intervals of 2, 4, 6, 8 minutes, and then leaving it 8 minutes each time until he went to sleep. If he woke during the night we did the same thing.

The first night was very, very hard and I was in tears a lot but I had been warned I would do that.

The second night was very similar but the 3rd night was easier and he went to seep quicker, and the same for the 4th and 5th night.

He was still having night time wake-ups during this time but again, they were less frequent and lasted for shorter periods of time with each night that passed.

By day 7 he was self-settling to sleep as soon as we put him in his cot at night, and sleeping through for 11 hours. He was also self-settling in his cot for his daytime naps.

Like I said, it was a tough week at times but ultimately it was the best thing for us as a family.

Don’t beat yourself up. It’s so hard when they don’t sleep.
You stayed with him, you didn’t abandon him. He knows that he is loved.

He was probably still waking but he had learnt that you wouldn't respond so stayed quiet.

Hi OP, We did as you have. I was ill with a high temperature and reached that "fuck it" stage. Like you, we stayed with him for the first night and he screamed for 7 hours, with just a 2 minute break in the middle. It was awful. The second night involved an hour of fussing and the third night was a whimper, and that was it! He learned to sleep.

Best of luck. This will have helped you and your older son too.

Being able to self soothe is a huge asset which lasts a lifetime. Some babies are naturally good at it. Others need a bit of help to learn how to do it. Others need more help to learn how to do it.

You've helped him learn how to do it - you're a great mum.

Think of it this way. Going to him every 20-30 mins to comfort him wasn't really very comforting because he only got a tiny bit of sleep before waking and crying again. Teaching him to self soothe has been much more comforting. He needs a good night's sleep and so do you!

Did you read the actual post or just see “controlled crying” in the title and churn out your standard response?

OP I honestly can’t see anything wrong with your approach, you were right there with your baby, he knew he hadn’t been abandoned.

i’m glad you had a better night last night, sometimes as a mother you have to make sure your own basic needs are met otherwise you’re no good to your children!