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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay at home for a week while DH takes the children to MIL's?

38 replies

wayondown · 16/05/2008 17:45

My children are 5 and 6 and I have never had time away from them.

Dh goes on various business trips abroad and he has never had the childen on his own ethier not even for one day.

Planning a trip abroad to in laws and DH has suggested he would take them alone and I could have a rest for a week at home.

1.Would it be selfish to do this?
2 Would the children expect me to go as well?
3,Would the in laws think something is wrong in our relationship ifI did'nt go and would they think it rude and irresonsible?(sp)

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 16/05/2008 17:52
  1. No
  2. No, you are not a slave to your children
  3. They might, but they shouldn't.

Enjoy your week alone

lardylumps · 16/05/2008 17:55
  1. no it is not selfish at all we all need a break at some point
  2. talk to the children and tell them that they are going with daddy and grandparents but mummy will be looking after the house/pets
  3. I would not think this and as long as they know before hand they can not think it is rude. How is children going on hols with dad irresponsible (sp? no I cant spell either?)

Go for it just think how refreshed you will be after a week to yourself.

jellybeans · 16/05/2008 17:56

Its not unreasonable if it is what you want to do. However, I just couldn't be in another country from my kids if I could go too. The kids would probably prefer it if you went but i wouldn't care what the ILs think.

PosieParker · 16/05/2008 17:57

I think you'll love it for about three days and then you'll miss them all like crazy!!

Spidermama · 16/05/2008 17:58
  1. No.
  2. N/A
  3. Talk to them to reassure.

Enjoy.

Spidermama · 16/05/2008 17:58

I'm very, very, very .

MargeSimpsonMyAlterEgo · 16/05/2008 17:58

a whole week alone... pure bliss!

The thought is sometimes better than the reality; when I find myself without the kids it can seem very quiet. Can't live with 'em; can't live without 'em.

As for question 3 - who cares what the inlaws think of your relationship/your behaviour? Your DH will stick up for you.

Question 2 - if you don't make a big deal of it, the children should be quite happy. They will also get a lot out of being with Daddy.

ButterflyBessie · 16/05/2008 18:02

Go for it

I have done it for a couple of days but never managed to pursuade dh to take them for any longer

If your in laws are worth their salt they should understand that you need a break

have a lovely break, I am sure you deserve it

pointydog · 16/05/2008 18:04

Perfectlt sensible. As long as you have a perfectly sensible dh.

Fillyjonk · 16/05/2008 18:05

there is NOTHING wromg with being selfish from time to time!

am tbh

Smithagain · 16/05/2008 18:08

Sounds like a good opportunity to me. I've take the children to the in laws on my own, when DH has been busy at work and can't get leave. Kind of the same idea, although not abroad.

If you think you will be able to relax and enjoy the week - and you think your children will cope - then do it.

Original poster
wayondown · 16/05/2008 18:08

Thanks for your replies.

I think like some of you have said it would be great for a day or 2 then I would miss them and worry that they were ok.

Don't want to upset the in laws though and to be honest they are not very hands on going on past visits so would be all down to DH.

My DS would be ok I am sure not so sure about DD and how she would feel me not going.

It would do them good to be with DH on their own and also for DH as well as he always thinks I think he would'nt be able to cope and I know he would be fine.

I could really do with some time to myself as have been quite stressed just recently and the children could probably do with some time away from grumpy mummy .

We are having a family holiday later that month so not like wewould'nt get to spend some family time together.

Will have to have a think although DH may ahve said it in the heat of the moment and in reality did'nt really mean it.

OP posts:
Smithagain · 16/05/2008 18:09

I would tentatively suggest that he does spend at least one or two days on his own with them first, though. Get them all used to the idea!

hattyyellow · 16/05/2008 18:10

A whole week! I would do it. My concern would have been if that was the one time you got to have a holiday as a family in the year but if you're having a family holiday too then no worries!

I would sleep solidly for the first 4 days .

Do it, do it, do it!

Original poster
wayondown · 16/05/2008 18:13

DH was saying maybe they would just go for 5 days so that would be better.

The in laws are kinda old fashioned and would probably think a mothers place is with her children and leaving DH to do everything may not go down very well.

Having said that DH went to Russia for 3 weeks,Greece for 2 weeks ,Bulgaria and Geneva in the last year so not feeling too guilty as he sent me pictures over the webcam of sitting outside with a drink by the lake.

OP posts:
nametaken · 16/05/2008 18:15

I've done this every year for the past 3 years since my in-laws moved to Spain. They have been most unhelpful over the years towards me so when they retired and moved to Spain I siezed the chance to have a one week break every year and it really is a break.

I have more of a holiday staying home alone than I ever would staying with in-laws as dh seems to think that he can stop being a parent and leave everything to me just because he's on holiday/with his parents.

serendippity · 16/05/2008 18:15

It's wonderful! Dp takes dd to his mums every august summer holiday so i have a week by myself, true bliss

Definatly, definatly not selfish. Personaly i need the break, and i feel i deserve it.

The children will learn and understand that all mummys need a little time alone and it won't do them any harm, in fact it may help them for the future. I speak to dd in the morning and evening on the phone when she is away and have so much more patience when she comes back.

Inlaws will understand, as Marge says, your dh will explain- you deserve some time by yourself!

Enjoy!

Original poster
wayondown · 16/05/2008 18:17

To be honest going to the in laws is more like a busmans holiday as do the same things I do here in my home just with more stress and worry that they will break something .

OP posts:
kingprawntikka · 16/05/2008 20:07

My husband took our two to his parents for the weekend last year, and i stayed at home. It was bliss, my children are both high school age but all our family are a distance to us. Although the children sleepover at friends this is never at the same time, and so it was the first time in years i had no one else to think about etc. I slept in... watched the tv i wanted..., read ... ate when i was hungry ..went out when i wanted too and it was lovely.
The children will be fine with your husband.. get some dvd's, some wine and choccies and enjoy!!

kategarden · 16/05/2008 20:24

Not at all - DH often takes DD to our in-laws on his own (and ditto I take DD to my parents). TBH what both our grandmas really want is (a) to spend time with DD without interfering parents underfoot and (b) to gossip with their respective children. The other partner is just in the way. The only exception to this rule for us is Christmas and family occasions. Apart from that, the other one of us makes the most of a bit of peace and quiet at home!

alicet · 16/05/2008 20:28

I don't think there is anything wrong with this at all and I'm sure il's wouldn't take it the wrong way - anyway if they do so what!!! Dc's might miss you to start with (sure they will if they've never been apart from you) but they WILL be fine and so will your dh. I think it would do all 4 of you some good.

I like some of the others would struggle being without them for a whole week. 3-4 days great but then I would just really miss them! Sounds like you might too. How about dh takes dc's to pil's on his own and you go over a few days later? Or travel out with them then go back early? Then you get some important time to yourself and also get to spend some time with them?

SmugColditz · 16/05/2008 20:29

Sounds like Heaven.

WendyWeber · 16/05/2008 20:38

Could you join them for the second half of the week?

Janni · 16/05/2008 20:54

It's a good idea - we've done it. You can do stuff you want to do and the ILs get the DCs all to themselves, as well as their own precious DS. Everyone's a winner!

Original poster
wayondown · 16/05/2008 21:32

DH tends to do more at his parents than he would do at home,maybe to make them think he does the same at home.
So would do DH good to to make him appreiciate me more.

In laws will probably take it the wrong way although DH's sil visits her mum with the children without DH's brother but this would be the mother not being with her children so may be viewed differently.

Must say would be nice to be able to read again ,eat when I want,lie in and just generally relax.

OP posts: