To be fed up with people assuming you can afford everything

[Coronationchicken34]

I posted about issues I was having with my cat and many posters said 'just get a second cat'- not taking into account that means x2 vet fees, insurance, cattery fees and so on.
I know some catteries and so on charge 1.5x for 2 cats as opposed to double, but vets and so on are still a huge expense.

Skin problems? Oh I use X treatment which is only around £30 a month. Where am I to just magic up this additional 30 a month?

A friend was getting married and I was a bridesmaid, she was insisting on coming with me to buy my shoes. I had to tell her I'd rather go alone, as her shoe budget is probably around x3 mine. My clothes are mainly second hand, her clothes are from Reiss, Whistle, Jigsaw and so on.

I only meet friends occasionally for coffee or free entry things as I can't afford expensive restaurants. OK I don't have kids so I know I don't have it as hard financially as some, but I still live alone and pay everything out of 1 salary.

I'm on around 29k and I am applying for higher paid roles but it's competitive. Not in an industry where I can double my salary overnight, I might get a 2 or 3k increase but everything else will go up accordingly.
This is me and I'm not expecting to ever be well-off.

Does anyone else find this frustrating? Things like hiring a cleaner are just not an option, I have 3 jobs too.

Yes, I'm a single parent on disability benefits so money is tight, but we manage. I dont moan about it, i don't discuss it, after 10 years I'm used to it and dont really think much about my professional salary l had.
Met friend for coffee. She told me about her 5 holidays she'd booked for this year and then said 'you should book a cruise they're very disabled friendly'. I said it was a bit out of my price range. Then it was 'can't imagine my life without this car now, you should get a car again' (it's a brand new big car). I've told her 1. I can't afford it, 2. I'm no longer able to drive for medical reasons. Every meet up is the same. I don't think she understands they are a two income high earning family and that's very different to one low income.
To make it worse she's a senior social worker so you'd think she'd be more understanding (just hope she doesn't talk to her clients like that). I try to keep my distance as much as possible nowadays from people like that.
You do see it all the time on here. Go private, buy a second, book a holiday you'll feel better, buy a bigger house.

Yes I hear you op. We are considered the poor relation in both our families so conversations can be difficult with "oh just do this xyz it's very affordable" for them not for us. It can get very tiring explaining or nodding along so we just keep our distance. What's difficult is they view us as making life harder for ourselves on purpose. When they just cannot fathom not having the money they do. Or they view it as they have worked harder than us 🙄

One relative actually thought we didn't enjoy holidays and that's why we didn't go regularly.

Not sure how you’d expect people to help and advise on skin issues if you don’t have a bit of ££ to spend on it - why bother posting?

YANBU generally but that one seems silly.

I disagree, there can be lower cost ways or prescription medication to improve your skin, as well as specific diet advice, it doesn't have to be fancy monthly subscriptions and expensive products.

If you're asking for advice/solutions, then people will reply with what has worked for them. How are they supposed to know you can't afford it? Maybe clarify your budget next time.

If you're asking for advice but struggling financially, it probably makes sense to say so up front, so nobody wastes their time giving advice you can't follow.

Three jobs sounds like hell. Do you live in an expensive area?

Agree. If you’re asking for advice, people will give advice based on their own experiences. If you’re only looking for low budget advice it’s probably best to state that up front so you’re not wasting everyone’s time.

Sorry OP but I agree with this. I’m sorry you’re struggling financially but people aren’t mind readers 🤷🏼‍♀️

Most people on here don't have £££ or €€€ to spend. When posters complain about being stuck on holiday with CF piss-taking bastards, the advice is always 'Change your flight!'. Like they always have a spare £500 in the bank to book an emergency flight back home.

29k isn't much more than minimum wage, so I understand why you are struggling, but unless people know what you earn how would they know you can't afford £30 a month? £7.50 a week, for some if it's something that's a priority they'd find it in their budget and drop something else. You don't have that flexibility, but you can't expect people to know that

3 x jobs sounds hard.

Absolutely. Me and my partner both work full time and have 2 kids and a cat lol Our mortgage is low but we have been paying it off now for 20 years and it needed gutting out from top to bottom which we did. However, some areas of the house are looking tired again, so need updating. It's never ending 🤦‍♀️ I like bargains. Even if I had all the money in the world, I would still want a bargain lol. We live in the North East so wages are pretty rubbish to be fair.
We do get to do nice things, but have to save up for ages for it. Whereas I have friends who go on breaks away and holidays like 4 -6 times a year ( I honestly couldn't be bothered that many times in a year - but each to their own). The same friends are out every weekend in the pub as well. I can't afford that. I'd rather curl up on my sofa, with a bag of Crisps and a movie 😆

People who know you in RL should be more understanding and aware but you can't blame people on and Internet forum for giving advice based on their own circumstances unless you specifically put a budget in your post imo.

@Coronationchicken34 I find it’s always best to be upfront what your budget is - particularly pertinent on big ticket items too- many posters often say things like looking to move to xxx area , 4 bed, garage and then reveal there budget will buy them no such thing, unless looking at wreck -same goes for ‘looking for a nice dress in such and such style to wear to a wedding- lots of £180 suggestions when their budget is £60-which to be honest is a bit of a waste of everyone posting unsuitable suggestions. Don’t be embarrased either, you looking for something that might work but under £12 may just be the thing plenty of others are looking for too .

This!!

people aren't clairvoyant, they will tell you what has worked for them or think will work for you.

When your budget is restricted, then you need to say so. Why would people suggest something that subpar or hasn't worked for them just in case you have a lower budget than they do?

This is a YOU problem, not a THEM problem

I have to agree with this. People just reply with what has worked for them personally, be it expensive or cheap. It's not sneering or spiteful to suggest a supplement that has worked for their animal or a nice pair of shoes they like when they have absolutely no idea of your budget. Maybe be upfront before asking -you don't need to announce your salary, but just say I'm on a limited budget or I only want to spend a certain amount.

I see it on here all the time on hen do threads. The MOH assumes that everyone has plenty of money, plenty of annual leave and plenty of childcare/no children then books a week abroad at an expensive destination and expects everyone to chip in for the bride.

I have a friend like this. The weird thing is she’s worked minimum wage and been in debt but now has a lot of money and her mortgage is paid off. I had a debt and she kept patronisingly saying to me ‘you must pay that!’ I was paying it but couldn’t just whip £5k out of my arse. I was paying it at a set amount every month via a loan so it wasn’t gaining interest etc as that had all been calculated. I once said my mortgage was finally under £100k and bc she taped ‘oh I couldn’t sleep at night if I owed that!’ Well we can’t all find minted husbands who are mortgage free at 35.

I remember meeting her once in a shop that sold designer items and she was buying 2 handbags and said ‘you have to get one of these they are only £225!’ I laughed and said ‘I can afford that!’ she actually said ‘what do you mean you can’t afford it? 😵‍💫

@BashfulClam you would be amazed at the number of women ( and men) who marry into money and suddenly like making people feel
like poor relations - I find this more in those who ‘come into money’ than many who have always had it

Oh god! I don’t think I could have a friend like that. She sounds insufferable

Hi OP. It’s tough being single and having to foot all the bills yourself so I understand that totally.

All she ever talked about was money, her holidays, the clothes she was buying. She knew I am much less well off and liked to put it under the guise of being a good friend telling me to pay off my debt. I had a consolidation loan it was being paid off. She saw I had a credit card in my purse and was so fucking patronising I said ‘it has zero balance and I simply for dire emergencies’. I got ppi money and we took a holiday, the first in a few years. She kept banging on about I shouldn’t be going on holiday as I was so badly in debt. Erm it’s not enough to pay it off in full and the loan terms are that I can’t make overpayments. Then she offered to pay I’m debt and I could just pay her interest free. I declined and she was appalled.

Years ago my sister's and I arranged a party for my parents" ruby wedding anniversary. I was a completely broke single mother of two small children, they were both in good jobs and married to men in good jobs. Neither exactly rich, but nowhere near poor. We discussed beforehand what each of us would do/provide, I said what I could provide food-wise and I took on the job of doing all the invitations, which was quite a bit of work. I was so broke that it was a real struggle to be able to buy and cook the food I had promised to do, but I managed it. My sisters decided that it would be nice to have a prepared salmon, and ordered that. Then the day after the party they let me know how much I owed them for my share of the cost. I just burst into tears, they honestly had no idea that I just didn't have any spare money at all to give them.

I think most MN users forget they are in the top 5% of earners as they are disproportionately represented on here, and that most of the country are struggling.