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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with people assuming you can afford everything

42 replies

Coronationchicken34 · 18/04/2025 16:15

I posted about issues I was having with my cat and many posters said 'just get a second cat'- not taking into account that means x2 vet fees, insurance, cattery fees and so on.
I know some catteries and so on charge 1.5x for 2 cats as opposed to double, but vets and so on are still a huge expense.

Skin problems? Oh I use X treatment which is only around £30 a month. Where am I to just magic up this additional 30 a month?

A friend was getting married and I was a bridesmaid, she was insisting on coming with me to buy my shoes. I had to tell her I'd rather go alone, as her shoe budget is probably around x3 mine. My clothes are mainly second hand, her clothes are from Reiss, Whistle, Jigsaw and so on.

I only meet friends occasionally for coffee or free entry things as I can't afford expensive restaurants. OK I don't have kids so I know I don't have it as hard financially as some, but I still live alone and pay everything out of 1 salary.

I'm on around 29k and I am applying for higher paid roles but it's competitive. Not in an industry where I can double my salary overnight, I might get a 2 or 3k increase but everything else will go up accordingly.
This is me and I'm not expecting to ever be well-off.

Does anyone else find this frustrating? Things like hiring a cleaner are just not an option, I have 3 jobs too.

OP posts:
0ohLarLar · 18/04/2025 20:08

£29k is low to think your finances will never really improve, even if you live in a cheaper area.

Can you retrain into something where your labour is going to valued more?

Crikeyalmighty · 18/04/2025 20:16

@BashfulClam I honestly think they do it for a sense of superiority of ‘look where I am’ - we work in music and one of the artists we dealt with was a well known multi millionaire- but from way back when- when my H used to take him for much enjoyed lunches he used to say ‘are you getting this on expenses’ sometimes we were not and he always used to say I’m honestly happy with a quick sandwich and crisps in the pub if it’s on your dollar - now that’s class- he was a fabulous down to earth guy too

PalmTreeAngel · 18/04/2025 20:20

Just out of interest - What are your jobs, OP?

Lindererer32 · 18/04/2025 20:33

DilemmaDelilah · 18/04/2025 19:53

Years ago my sister's and I arranged a party for my parents" ruby wedding anniversary. I was a completely broke single mother of two small children, they were both in good jobs and married to men in good jobs. Neither exactly rich, but nowhere near poor. We discussed beforehand what each of us would do/provide, I said what I could provide food-wise and I took on the job of doing all the invitations, which was quite a bit of work. I was so broke that it was a real struggle to be able to buy and cook the food I had promised to do, but I managed it. My sisters decided that it would be nice to have a prepared salmon, and ordered that. Then the day after the party they let me know how much I owed them for my share of the cost. I just burst into tears, they honestly had no idea that I just didn't have any spare money at all to give them.

Did you pay for the salmon?

Eldermillennialmum · 18/04/2025 20:36

I don't think people are assuming anything. You're presenting problems such as with your cat or your skin and they're presenting solutions. It's not their fault if you can't afford what they're proposing. They're still just trying to help.

Gardendiary · 18/04/2025 20:38

iamnotalemon · 18/04/2025 19:29

Oh god! I don’t think I could have a friend like that. She sounds insufferable

Show quote history

I agree, she sounds particularly dense. I would have to phase her out.

Mrsttcno1 · 18/04/2025 20:39

Agree with others, if you’re asking for advice then people are responding with what worked for them in similar situations, they can’t see your bank account or know the ins & outs of your finances?

You’d be best off explicitly telling people you only want solutions that cost £0 in future!

ConstanceM · 18/04/2025 20:42

Thatroomismine · 18/04/2025 16:33

Yes, I'm a single parent on disability benefits so money is tight, but we manage. I dont moan about it, i don't discuss it, after 10 years I'm used to it and dont really think much about my professional salary l had.
Met friend for coffee. She told me about her 5 holidays she'd booked for this year and then said 'you should book a cruise they're very disabled friendly'. I said it was a bit out of my price range. Then it was 'can't imagine my life without this car now, you should get a car again' (it's a brand new big car). I've told her 1. I can't afford it, 2. I'm no longer able to drive for medical reasons. Every meet up is the same. I don't think she understands they are a two income high earning family and that's very different to one low income.
To make it worse she's a senior social worker so you'd think she'd be more understanding (just hope she doesn't talk to her clients like that). I try to keep my distance as much as possible nowadays from people like that.
You do see it all the time on here. Go private, buy a second, book a holiday you'll feel better, buy a bigger house.

It's incredible how some people lack basic emotional intelligence. I'm on carers allowances which is about £3k a year and I have a friend who constantly bangs on about how they are struggling on £64,000 a year. Drones on and on about how difficult it is to live on £3500 a month net.
How can you educate these people's to stop being such pricks?

ConstanceM · 18/04/2025 20:50

QueefQueen80s · 18/04/2025 20:06

I think most MN users forget they are in the top 5% of earners as they are disproportionately represented on here, and that most of the country are struggling.

Can you pin point the MN demographic either by social economic demographic or indeed geo demographic???
I imagine it's very white AB possibly C1 max, South East centric, possibly inherited wealth.
I could be way off.

Crikeyalmighty · 18/04/2025 20:58

@ConstanceM I think it’s way more mixed than that but depends which threads you tend to look at - there’s an awful lot of struggling mumsnetters too, lots of posts about UC and how to make£40 last week etc - I don’t think it’s anything like as clear cut as people think

QueefQueen80s · 18/04/2025 20:59

ConstanceM · 18/04/2025 20:50

Can you pin point the MN demographic either by social economic demographic or indeed geo demographic???
I imagine it's very white AB possibly C1 max, South East centric, possibly inherited wealth.
I could be way off.

Edited
Show quote history

🤣

DilemmaDelilah · 18/04/2025 22:28

@Lindererer32 I couldn't, even if I had wanted to. My sisters have matured a lot since then, and gone through their own less easy times, so all is good now.

Bitchesbelike · 18/04/2025 22:36

0ohLarLar · 18/04/2025 20:08

£29k is low to think your finances will never really improve, even if you live in a cheaper area.

Can you retrain into something where your labour is going to valued more?

It’s not really possible for lots of reasons for people to simply retrain and earn a higher salary

Happilyobtuse · 18/04/2025 22:56

ConstanceM · 18/04/2025 20:42

It's incredible how some people lack basic emotional intelligence. I'm on carers allowances which is about £3k a year and I have a friend who constantly bangs on about how they are struggling on £64,000 a year. Drones on and on about how difficult it is to live on £3500 a month net.
How can you educate these people's to stop being such pricks?

Show quote history

How do you possibly live on 3K a year?! Do you get some other benefits or rent, council tax paid for etc.?! 64K a year nowadays is not much if you have 2 kids and are a family of 4 with mortgage or rent and bills. There wouldn’t be much spare money left. Things have really gotten expensive now.

QueefQueen80s · 18/04/2025 23:28

Happilyobtuse · 18/04/2025 22:56

How do you possibly live on 3K a year?! Do you get some other benefits or rent, council tax paid for etc.?! 64K a year nowadays is not much if you have 2 kids and are a family of 4 with mortgage or rent and bills. There wouldn’t be much spare money left. Things have really gotten expensive now.

Show quote history

Wow..
username checks out 😂

WeylandYutani · 18/04/2025 23:50

Yes I posted on a thread about affording the dentist. I am on UC, and was told I should try and budget £30 a month for some private dental care plan.
For one you can only go on those plans if your teeth are great to start with. Secondly, £30pm when you are on benefits is a huge amount.

ConstanceM · 19/04/2025 01:05

Happilyobtuse · 18/04/2025 22:56

How do you possibly live on 3K a year?! Do you get some other benefits or rent, council tax paid for etc.?! 64K a year nowadays is not much if you have 2 kids and are a family of 4 with mortgage or rent and bills. There wouldn’t be much spare money left. Things have really gotten expensive now.

Show quote history

I have a partner who is full time Nurse in NHS, we cannot get any UC, so it's just the Carers allowance.

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