Friend angry with me for driving on night out

[clickyteeclick]

It was a big birthday and we were all supposed to be travelling together by train. I couldn’t make the train time in the end as it was too early so messaged the group chat to say we’d meet them at the venue by car, one of us (me and other half) would be driving.

Shes now really cross with me for putting in no effort. I was still going but potentially driving and not drinking and just missing out the journey down.

AIBU?

Actually one of my closest friends 😢

Thank you they’re really kind words. Well done on quitting x

I booked a babysitter months in advance and didn’t take on any work

If you booked the babysitter months in advance then surely you would have known that you couldn’t have made the train in time.

For me, it wouldn’t have been the fact that you were driving it would have been that you cancelled on part of the plans at the last minute.

So it just depends on why you had to cancel getting the train and whether you could have let her know beforehand and not just a few hours before it was meant to be happening.

Of course you out in effort, you made the effort to get there after work!

She's being ridiculous to equate friendship to willingness to drink alcohol.

OP, real friends do not behave like this.
You have children.
You were not backing out.
Whether you drink or not is actually none of their business.

Clearly you are a people pleaser and your friend is a bully and dominates you.

This is not a healthy friendship and that it is a very close friend is really sad.

You need to really take a look at yourself and why you would tolerate this behaviour.

She clearly doesn't respect you because if she did she wouldn't dream of behaving in such a clearly unacceptable manner.

You have children. Is this what you want to model to them?
A doormat who allows people to bully them?

I wouldn't contact her again.
I would stop focusing of damaged broken friendships with a bully and start looking at yourself closely.

This is not a relationship that you should be fighting to keep.
Long term it is toxic.
She is toxic.
You are bringing this toxicity into your family by tolerating this.

Have an honest think.
Get somr counselling to help you if you can.

This was a 40th?! Blimey, I expected behaviour like that (and have experienced it) for an 18th or something. You know you are not in the wrong. I’m sorry you have crap friends op. Time for some new ones really.

Oh and in 25 years with 4 children I have never known a single friend even in my wider circle to get a bollixing for trying to make a social night since we have children.

Shit happens. We have to juggle.
You didn't back out of the night.
You simply couldn't make it as early.
She sounds 5, not 40.

This type of behaviour is so unattractive in audults. She needs to grow the hell up and keep her nose out of whether you drink or not.
So rude and inappropriate.

She only does that because your personal boundaries are non existent.

Someone with boundaries would tell her to get over herself and whether you drink or not is none of her business.

Your friend sounds weird and immature. You are definitely not being unreasonable. Have you messaged her personally yet to say anything?

@clickyteeclick nope! We are loosely in touch but I distanced myself massively after the hen debacle.

It wasn't even just that, I had also organised 2 hen do's prior to that for the same bride which were vetoed by the mother.

1. As requested by the bride, a hen do in bath with air bnb, bar and club with a spa day. Bride mother and sister said they couldn't afford it after I had paid the deposit to book it which I then lost,
2. Discussed with the bride and booked a beautitian to come to the brides house and do nails/madsafe/facials for all of us followed the next day by afternoon tea for older/little relatives,larer that evening a cocktail masterclass at a lovely bar with drinks and nibbles included then a night in a local club (bride loves to dance). A week before the mother of the bride called and said it was "fucking boring" for a hen do and said leave it to her so she then reorganised the whole thing to a tacky nightclub in the next town. Hence why by that point I was pretty much done with it all!

Bloody hell you’re well rid! They sound awful!

I don’t understand this at all.

You mean your friend is angry because of the type of liquid you had in your glass? Yes?

Absolutely batshit. Is she controlling in other ways? Would she be angry if you chose pasta when everyone else chose pizza?

You are far better off without her. What a strange person, to think she has the right to tell people they must drink alcohol.

Honestly from the title I thought you were going to say you were planning to drive after a night out actually drinking and was thinking your friend was fair enough.

Batshit that she is upset because you can’t drink - doesn’t stop her, what’s the problem?!

Sadly lots of people do think like that. Someone not drinking is taken very personally, as though it's a value judgement against them.

I go out with large groups of friends regularly.

Sometimes people will be drinking alcohol, sometimes not. Nobody ever pressures anyone about it because it’s not their business. There are so many reasons why friends will say they aren’t drinking alcohol a particular night.

Playing sport tomorrow morning or up early for another reason. Dieting. Health kick. Money. Driving. Don’t fancy it. Whatever.

It never stops any of us having a great time. I must have been very fortunate to avoid this, although I am Gen X and OPs friend obviously Millennial. Is it a generational thing?

I was dropped by a group if friends over this . Which was ironic as I thought I was a pain in the arse when I drank too much. Maybe I made my feelings about drunken sloppy talk when I cringed too obvious. It is hard when the culture is all about drinking . I just has such a low tolerance to alchol compared to the group that could drink into the small.hours . No loss really as some of them ended up with serious issues .

@clickyteeclick From the posts you have made (the tenses you used and the way things were worded) it sounds as if you didn't go at all to the do in the end and it is only after you didn't appear at all that you were accused of not making the effort.?

In which case, that changes things a bit.

Is that the case, by any chance?

No they cancelled the night

@clickyteeclick OK Thanks. So they cancelled the night because 3 of you altogether dropped out? Very childish of them

No. Only one dropped out. Two attendees were Not Drinking Alcohol 😱😱😱

They sound like a bunch of absolute idiots and deserve to be dropped from your life. I'm an enthusiastic drinker, but have friends who drink little or not at all. Everyone just has what they want and it should never be an issue!

You need better friends

I’d love to hear the other side of this.

You're not being unreasonable. They sound controlling.

I have a friend who told me life is too short not to drink I gave up two years ago, I don’t know why it’s just something I don’t want anymore.

She sounds like a twat. As do the rest of them too.

I'd drop out of the group and never give them a backwards glance again. I honestly couldn't be arsed with such fuckwits.