Should you ask another mums permission before giving their Dc sweets/cakes?

[Goinglocodowninacapulcoo]

Just curious about this.

Recently planned a nice activity for children I know, it included a sweet treat in it, children were happy. Should I have asked the Dc’s parent if they could have the treat? It was small.

I have neighbours we know and friends bringing my Dc chocolate or sweets and i’m okay with it and encourage the children to say thank you and be grateful as it’s a nice thought behind it.

I wouldn't bother again. Especially as we're talking about 6+ year olds and not toddlers.

How miserable.

So the parents were there?

Same, my friends and I are very relaxed with each other about it, my Dc eats v healthily, a treat given with kindness is fine to me, but I appreciate it may not be to others 🤷🏻‍♀️

It did feel a bit like this, was a bit gutted tbh

If a child was being left in my care, I always asked the parent if there was any food or drink they would prefer the child didn't have or foods the child was allergic to.

However, one parent had a long list of verboten items, none of which her DC was allergic to. I thought it was quite an entitled response. She had missed the memo that you cant expect other parents to cater to your anxiety about processed foods or sugar.

Other parents had also been taken aback by her list and felt quite judged. This same woman also said, "Oh, you have the TV on?" when she came to pick up her child from another kid's house and found the family watching some harmless pablum...

I'm sorry you felt embarrassed. The other parent is the one who should have felt embarassment. That was extremely rude of her and completely uncalled for.

Nah, some people have a pole up their ass. Don't let it get to you. They're the ones with the problem.

I was going to say if a parent has left a child in my care, then they have to trust my judgement.

But, if I have inferred right from your more recent post, the parent was there ? In which case, I'd just check "Is it alright if they have a bit of this now or do you want to take it home for another day?"

Sorry OP.
That was an ungracious response to your kindness.

I don’t like how you keep mentioning ‘treat’. There is not meant to be a hierarchy on food any more, as it puts some food on a pedestal. We make a big deal out of all food being good for different things and that it’s important to have a variety. I wouldn’t be getting chocolate out every play date for children, and what would bother me was if you harped on about it being a treat and DC only allowed a tiny bit. Ie. If you bigged it up and made it seem like a special treat and aren’t they lucky.

But that's as weird as the parent who complained about their kid having a bit of chocolate.

It's not a big deal, OP can call it a treat if she wants, and you do you. Your child will be fine, chill.

On our street the kids are given sweets. I say check with your mum but it would be given. We are all relaxed so if that was the reaction I wouldn't bother again.

Yes I would have asked or at least said to the parent when choosing the activity what was involved/sent them a link. Guessing maybe it was an Easter activity and there was a chocolate reward?
The fact you say the parent said 'only eat a little' makes me wonder how big the 'treat' was. E.g. getting something like a creme egg it's obvious the child has to eat the whole thing. But if the treat is a proper Easter egg, even a smaller one, then it's obvious you wouldn't let the child eat the whole one (even the national trust ones we used to share if that's what it was) and maybe they saw you letting your child with no restrictions which they were not happy with.

I once had a 7 yr old boy here to play. Mum also stopped in for tea/chat. My dc kindly offered the kid a small egg (mini egg sized foil wrapped type) from their easter stuff.

Ive never seen a parent move so fast. She grabbed it off him and said "no sorry we don't do sugar".

The kid looked miserable, my kids were a bit bemused, he was a new friend and they were trying to be kind.

Later on that afternoon the kid tried to sneak another from the egg basket without asking. I felt bad for him, it was a tiny treat offered by a new friend.

I always ask but DS had 2 little mates when he was at school who had life threatening food allergies.

We preferred DS not to have fizzy drinks as they are crap and also made him a bit too energetic.

i would still check
might've been vegan chocolate, for example.
my daughter has severe cows milk allergy

Assuming no allergies, I would ask whether the mum was a mumsnetter or not. If she is, I would offer a single almond as a treat, and apologise for spoiling their appetite.

No I didn’t do that or tell them they could have a little bit…I just gave it, then apologised to the mum that I should have quickly checked (in case she was a person who was bothered by this) most I know aren’t

Bigger than a cream egg, but definitely smaller than an easter egg
I just didn’t think to ask before as was planning it all, buying materials etc
I honestly didn’t think of it that way at all and just saw it as a nice thing to do 😬

Aged Under 5 - I’d definitely ask.
Aged 6-10 I’d ask only if you don’t know them well (ie are they diabetic / vegan / low-sugar household)
Age 10+ - I wouldn’t ask.

But surely when you drop her off at a playdate you make this clear? DD is dairy intolerant, I proactively mention to parents we don't know about this becuase I know that pizza is a common and favourite playdate food and she is not able to eat it. Having said that, I routinely ask when children are with me if they have dietary restrictions because of how often people DON'T seem to mention this.

OP, to answer your question, I see no reason why normal treats, within reason, can't be given.

I once had a friend of my sister's bitch to me about how my sister allowed her children (who were pre teen/early teen at the time) to drink fizzy drinks on occasion. I found the whole conversation really bizarre and couldn't work out why she thought it appropriate to bitch to me about MY sister.

Anyway, I did laugh my head off a few months later when she brought her kids to my niece's birthday party and I wandered into the ktichen at one point to find her kid secretly downing a can of Fanta (there had been fizzy drinks out for the kids and parents). She looked up at me, clearly terrified I'd rat her out and I just smiled and kept moving. Her dd was, if I recall correctly, about 13 at the time. It' shard to believe she hadn't been drinking fizzy drinks behind her mother's back for years!

If a child has an allergy etc I would expect the parent to inform me . I have three children who are adults and have hosted 100s of children/ toddlers over the years .
It never crossed my mind to ask about food/ treats etc !
edited to say that my GC is coeliac so my daughter makes it very clear about dietary restrictions.

I think it depends on a few things

I wouldn't think to ask for children of parents I know well / socialise with outside of kids or children of our friends. I think we know them well enough to know what is and isn't acceptable.

If I was looking after the children and no parents were around, I'd expect to be told before if they couldn't have anything

If the parents were there, I ask if it was ok first.

@MattCauthon I meant more like people in passing just handing her stuff, at school drop off, at the park etc. obviously at a play date yes the parent would know but it's quite common for people to just hand kids stuff without thinking as I get it most parents probably don't even need to consider allergies. I never until I had my second