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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know IABU but I cant seem to let this go

57 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/04/2025 22:02

DD is almost 14 and perfectly sensible. She can be completely self caring, she is hard working blah blah.

But during the holidays and after school for a couple of hours term time, she lets herself in and is by herself. Since her brother left for Uni last year I have put a rule in place that she cant eat cherry tomatoes, grapes or anything like that unless I am home because of the choking risk.

I KNOW that this is ridiculous but luckily DD thinks I am mad but indulges me.

I suspect it is from my attending the funeral of an old friend who was otherwise healthy, who passed away from choking at around the same time DS left. His wife was with him and called 999 after she couldnt help him and he still died. She would be on her own so she would have no help at all.

I know it is high level paranoia but I cant seem to let it go, probably because there is a voice saying "but what if you let her and then she chokes.....".

Mad I know.

OP posts:
Cctviswatchingme001 · 17/04/2025 01:26

Sofiewoo · 16/04/2025 22:22

What is the relevance? Are wannabe rugby players less able to choke?

Show quote history

Got my back up to. Look at my big rugby playing son and my teeny tiny daughter. Such a cliché on mumsnet.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 17/04/2025 01:39

Cctviswatchingme001 · 17/04/2025 01:26

Got my back up to. Look at my big rugby playing son and my teeny tiny daughter. Such a cliché on mumsnet.

Show quote history

Eldest to youngest, just to help put your back down....

DS1, muscularly weak due to his Cerebal Palsy but overweight due to his stuggle with exercise
DD1, ODP who had was a county rugby player who had to quit due to hypermobility
DD2, same with the rugby as dd1, professional animator
DD3, student, politically motivated and shorter than her youngest sibling
DS2. student.. Built like Jonah Lomu.
DD4. As described above.

OP posts:
Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 17/04/2025 01:42

StevesLavaChicken · 17/04/2025 01:16

You’re being as unreasonable as I am. I still cut up grapes and cherry tomatoes for my 13 year old DD. She’s a little bugger because if she finds me doing it she’ll grab either whole and bite through them with her front teeth to make her point. I get that it’s an instinct especially with choking history but I guess you and I will have to stop. There’s bigger problems when they’re older, though I know it feels safe to stick to limiting the little things you can control.
Flowers It’s not just you OP

Yeah DD does that too! If I buy grapes she will say "Oooh, lets find the crunchy ones!" and make a point of crunching them!

OP posts:
Delphiniumandlupins · 17/04/2025 02:18

So is it only your youngest DD that you worry about? What about DD3? I think that rather than making "We're just oddballs" excuses you should get some help to assess risks more efficiently. At the moment you're limiting your and your DD's life to little effect. I don't know anyone who has died on their own from choking. The only person I know who has died was with friends, a fully grown adult male, and he wasn't eating grapes or tomatoes.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 17/04/2025 21:30

Delphiniumandlupins · 17/04/2025 02:18

So is it only your youngest DD that you worry about? What about DD3? I think that rather than making "We're just oddballs" excuses you should get some help to assess risks more efficiently. At the moment you're limiting your and your DD's life to little effect. I don't know anyone who has died on their own from choking. The only person I know who has died was with friends, a fully grown adult male, and he wasn't eating grapes or tomatoes.

Its one thing, and she indulges me as I indulge her by not doing things that she worries about.

I am just curious I guess as to why I cant let this one go.

And yes of course I worry about this issue with all of them. But there isnt much I can do about it.

OP posts:
Filogree · 28/04/2025 11:06

I understand you, I choked on a crisp once, completely blocked my airway, it was extremely scary, I was also pregnant at the time. I came at weaning from a whole different perspective after that, totally different than how I’d been with my oldest.

Bubblesgun · 28/04/2025 11:16

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/04/2025 22:02

DD is almost 14 and perfectly sensible. She can be completely self caring, she is hard working blah blah.

But during the holidays and after school for a couple of hours term time, she lets herself in and is by herself. Since her brother left for Uni last year I have put a rule in place that she cant eat cherry tomatoes, grapes or anything like that unless I am home because of the choking risk.

I KNOW that this is ridiculous but luckily DD thinks I am mad but indulges me.

I suspect it is from my attending the funeral of an old friend who was otherwise healthy, who passed away from choking at around the same time DS left. His wife was with him and called 999 after she couldnt help him and he still died. She would be on her own so she would have no help at all.

I know it is high level paranoia but I cant seem to let it go, probably because there is a voice saying "but what if you let her and then she chokes.....".

Mad I know.

Why dont you ask her to cut them in half - no choking risks that way and she gets to eat whatever she wants.

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