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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

12 year olds unsupervised

42 replies

Longsleepneeded · 16/04/2025 17:10

AIBU to think that if you offer to take 5 children (11 to 13 year olds) ,only one of which is your own, out for the day, you should check with the other parents that they are happy for them to be left unsupervised while you go shopping? Not a problem with my child going off with friends, just surprised we weren't made fully aware of the arrangements. This was somewhere an hour away from home.

OP posts:
lnks · 16/04/2025 17:11

Where were the children left?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 16/04/2025 17:13

Yes, I think we need more info. Where were the children left, where was that in relation to the accompanying parent, how long for, did they have access to mobile phones etc.

RedHelenB · 16/04/2025 17:14

No, at 12 if they're together I'd be OK with the adults in charge decision. They're almost teenagers

whosaysthat · 16/04/2025 17:16

YABU, a group of 5 11-13 years are fine for a couple of hours. I wouldn’t expect a parent to supervise them at that age.

DorothyStorm · 16/04/2025 17:17

5 high school aged children left unattended for an hour is worth pearl clutching panic? Are they all usually supervised all the time? No leaving them while you work?

JadeCrab · 16/04/2025 17:19

I wouldn't leave them alone in a town centre that they don't know. But an indoor mall? Yes , I'd do that but only if I know them all well enough to know they're NT/safe to be wandering.

What was the scenario?

tarheelbaby · 16/04/2025 17:21

Would these be the same 12yrs (yr 7/8) who wander down the town after school or meet up in town on inset days? Who make their own way home from clubs and sport? Who may walk ca. 1 mile to/from school independently? Who all have their own phones and do lord-knows-what on them?

Pillarsofsalt · 16/04/2025 17:23

The parents should have told you. I would be wary of their level of responsibility going forward.

Serpentstooth · 16/04/2025 17:23

Girls, yes. Boys, never.

Original poster
Longsleepneeded · 16/04/2025 17:24

No pearl clutching panic involved! Where did you get that idea from?
They were left all day in an amusement park with phones. I'm just surprised the supervising parent didn't make us aware. I would have agreed to it, just would have like to have been told.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 16/04/2025 17:25

DorothyStorm · 16/04/2025 17:17

5 high school aged children left unattended for an hour is worth pearl clutching panic? Are they all usually supervised all the time? No leaving them while you work?

Oh give over.

neslop · 16/04/2025 17:26

I think this post illustrates how, as a society, we have ended up in a place where we have got the balance wrong between physical/real world risk to our children (over-estimated and over-supervised), and online harm (under-estimated and under-supervised).

ScaryM0nster · 16/04/2025 17:28

It’s an age where I think if you’re concerned, you need to ask.

Some will leave an empty house and do a walk, bus, walk journey to school, and then home again to empty house.

Others won’t go three doors down the road n their own to a postbox.

Original poster
Longsleepneeded · 16/04/2025 17:30

Serpentstooth · 16/04/2025 17:23

Girls, yes. Boys, never.

Interesting, they were all boys. To answer another poster, one is ND and gets easily overwhelmed.

OP posts:
SpringIsSpringing25 · 16/04/2025 17:30

If I had arranged to take five 11 to 13-year-olds to an amusement park, I'd very much struggle not to wander around with them like five little ducklings all day!! 🤣🤣

But if I'd been convinced they could go off by themselves, I'd have definitely stayed in the park.

Next year when they're 12 to 14, maybe.

oh, but as one of the parents of the other children I wouldn't have minded, but yes, I would have liked to have known so I could go through the usual, call me watch out for this that the other, some money to put in the phone case, just in case the usual phone or card wasn't working & how much was acceptable to spend in the gift shop🤣🤣

JadeCrab · 16/04/2025 17:30

I actually think a theme park, a proper one, not some shady fly by night circus thing is actually extremely safe. But I would personally make sure the 11 year old's parents were ok with this.

Dizzly · 16/04/2025 17:32

Agree with @ScaryM0nster . At this age (especially the 13 year old) they'll be at different stages and you lose the default assumption that they will be supervised. They are at an age where school would let them go off in groups and check in every so often.

JadeCrab · 16/04/2025 17:32

Longsleepneeded · 16/04/2025 17:30

Interesting, they were all boys. To answer another poster, one is ND and gets easily overwhelmed.

Show quote history

It should have been discussed with the parents in this situation. Theme parks can be very overwhelming and cause meltdowns in ND children. It wouldn't be fair to leave that to be handled by the other children.

Original poster
Longsleepneeded · 16/04/2025 17:32

DorothyStorm · 16/04/2025 17:17

5 high school aged children left unattended for an hour is worth pearl clutching panic? Are they all usually supervised all the time? No leaving them while you work?

It was all day, and I'm not in a pearl clutching panic. I would have like to have been asked by the supervising parent, not been led to believe she was supervising them or at least staying in the amusement park with them.

OP posts:
Shallana · 16/04/2025 18:10

YABU. I recall going to theme parks with school at that age and we were allowed to wander around with our friends unsupervised. My 12 yo old niece recently went to a theme park on a school trip and were left to roam the park unsupervised.

Echobelly · 16/04/2025 18:15

I'm very chill about these things, but with DS (13) I do let parents know if their kids of same age might be without adult supervision for a bit at our place, and have done for last year or two - 13 might seem a bit old for that but it's only because DS's friends (like him) are all neurodivergent and on the less mature side, so some parents may still want to be assured an adult is a round, or at least know if there isn't going to be. DS is fine to be without adults and has been for a while, but I don't always know about other kids (or their parents)

But I don't think it'll be necessary after this school year as I think everyone will be OK with it by then.

Sparticle · 16/04/2025 18:33

I would have liked to be told too and I absolutely would have told the other parents if I’d been the person taking them.

Like you, I don’t have an issue with it for my own DC but I’d want to know in advance so that I could discuss the arrangements with DC - they are very sensible etc but I’d want to talk about what to do in an emergency etc.

And other people’s DC might not be used to that sort of freedom, so I would definitely tell them what the plan was for the day. I have done this sort of thing myself (took DC to the Trafford Centre for their 11th birthday with friends and let them go shopping on their own for a couple of hours) and made sure that the parents were fine with that in advance.

Hankunamatata · 16/04/2025 18:37

Yabu. I wouldn't expect the parent to directly supervise high school kids in an amusement park.
You should have asked for more details

interestedwhy · 16/04/2025 18:39

At that age I probably would have been easily available to them- so still in the park - though I know lots of perfectly competent parents ( especially if they have older kids already ) who would have dropped and run . I’m thinking Merlin Parks type level though - I’m not sure if you mean that

Hufflemuff · 16/04/2025 18:39

So are we talking an amusement park like Thorpe Park?

On the one hand yes, I'd like to be asked because I think you need to know that info and have that talk.

On the other, it is enclosed so its not like they're going to wander off?

I'd be worried about boys TBH as they can act like such prats all together in a group unsupervised. With girls, I'd be worried they'd all fall out and there would be some kind of social dramas!

Either way - no i don't think you're unreasonable at all.

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