12 year olds unsupervised

[Longsleepneeded]

AIBU to think that if you offer to take 5 children (11 to 13 year olds) ,only one of which is your own, out for the day, you should check with the other parents that they are happy for them to be left unsupervised while you go shopping? Not a problem with my child going off with friends, just surprised we weren't made fully aware of the arrangements. This was somewhere an hour away from home.

This would be sort of thing I'd expect them to organise between themselves rather than parents being involved.

YABU, they’re old enough.

Tbh I’d have assumed they would be on their own. It wouldn’t occur to me that the other parent would stick with them all day.

Personally, if we are talking Thorpe Park; Alton Towers type of place. There's no way I'd organise as the parent and then not attend. I'd let them go off alone, but I'd also insist on meeting up for lunch and checking in with them a few times to see where they were in the park. I don't think that's unreasonable for an 11-12 year old child.

Tbh if the 11-13 year old kids were unhappy with my presence then they don't need to come!!

Wouldn’t even cross my mind that this could be an issue. At that age they walk to school on their own.

This is completely fine. When we take them on a school trip to an amusement park we don't walk round with them.

Completely agree.

I have an 11 yr old and a 13yr old.

With my 13 yr old, I think it would just feel natural for them all to disappear together and leave me behind somewhere! I'd assume their parents would realise this and would b happy with them wandering around the theme park together.if during the day.

With my 11 yr old. Well he's still in primary school, so I'd check with the parents probably, but I would expect them all to say it's fine for them to be without me, assuming they all stick together.

Were there many 11 yr olds? Are they yr 6 or yr 7? How old is your child?

In my DD’s friendship circle (she is now 15) it would have been normal for the parents to discuss things like that when they were that age. Yes the kids might have been left without adults but there would have been an agreement about it and arrangements made in advance.

Although at the younger end of that they wouldn’t have been left totally alone. For example if they wanted to go to the mall with friends, they did that but a parent would still be in the building somewhere, so they could be called if needed.

An amusement park? Absolutely. They've been brought places like that by youth clubs and scouts here. Once in, left alone, it's not an issue.

If my DC was liable to get overwhelmed at a theme park, then I wouldn't have been sending them off with someone else's parents without checking first they were okay with that and knew how to handle etc.

If I had a group of kids whose parents hadn't said anything like that I'd assume they'd be fine.

Lead to believe?

Or basic crossed wires?

I’m happy to take the boys to the theme park on Tuesday and bring them home after.

She means transport. You hear supervise all day and transport. Both reasonable interpretations of ‘take’.

I think it’s fine at those ages. If I had a ND child who was likely to be overwhelmed in a theme park with his friends I don’t think I’d be sending him off on his own

YABU
They are a group of high school aged children, during the day, at an amusement park…not really sure the issue here.

They need a bit of freedom away from adults to develop common sense and problem solving skills. I think more parents should allow them be in these situations and stop wrapping them cotton wool tbh.

For goodness sake they were in the area , teenagers had contact details via mobile phone . When people ask on mn why their 36 year olds are unable to socialise ,make plans ,run their own life this is why. We're they given a picnic of crack and told to make their own way home?

I wouldn't have left their side if I'd been the responsible parent because I would feel responsable for their safety and fear that something went wrong/conflicts/whatever.
On the other hand I wouldn't mind my 11 year old DS being left with a group of friends with his phone. He's very responsable and would call me if something was on.

Assume you knew where they were going and had chance to question what arrangements were before agreeing to it. Personally, I wouldn't feel it necessary to follow young people of that age around all day particularly in what is essentially a sealed off space with lots of staff on hand. If they'd been on a school trip to a theme park at that age they'd have been let loose in groups of 3 so I can't really see much difference. How far was mum away? Able to get there within half an hour? Not really an issue. Maybe be a bit more proactive and ask next time if it worries you?

This is one of the major causes of failure to launch. Children are being given no freedom at all and then we wonder why at 15/16 so many become anxious when we start trying to push them out of the nest. Give them space, give them freedom and watch them fly. The chances of being run over, abducted or other horrors are infinitesimally smaller than the chance of them becoming a very anxious social recluse.

Thanks everyone. I wasn't expecting the parent to follow them round all day, just assumed they would stay in the park with them, as I would have done if I was responsible for other people's children, or at the very least let the other parents know they would be leaving them there on there own.
I have no issue with my 12 year old doing things on his own or with friends, he's often at our local park by himself.
I would also assume on a school trip that the teachers responsible would stay around in the cafe or somewhere in the amusement park, not leave the area completely.
I'll ask next time so the arrangements are clear to me.