To think you look after your kids if it’s in a court order

[Reallyneedsaholiday]

Just that really. Regardless of whether you, or your AP have a headache, or a cold. Regardless of whether you “have a better offer” for the weekend. Regardless of whether your child is feeling slightly under the weather. Or whether you can’t book enough annual leave to cover 50% of the school holidays, as per the court order.
If you have a court order with scheduled times, why is always the resident parent who is left to pick up the pieces? I’ve seen people on here before, saying “just take the kids round”, or “make them”, but we all know that that’s now the real world works. And I know I’m just having a moan, but ffs, why is it that the minute I have plans of my own, on a VERY rare free weekend (child free, and booked the weekend off work) they cancel, meaning that I now need to cancel my own plans at my own expense - again

Well, you can just drop them and run.

Involve his family, so they can pressure him to have them or they can step in and look after them instead.

Tell the school it's dads day to collect them so they call him to come get them.

All dependent on if he gives a shit what others think about him, and not a long term solution. My ex changed his days frequently, and I was left scrambling trying to work things out. Last time he saw them, he'd just moved an hour away. I dropped them and ran, he was meant to have them for three nights but returned them the next day. That was a year ago and he hasn't seen them since.

I would record o. Tge parent app that they are in breach of the court order - each and every time. If it was regular I would ask for maintenance to be re-considered.

It is so annoying and of course there is nothing you can do about it. Only a complete twat would drop their children off somewhere they weren’t wanted.

I do agree with PP re giving ex the impression you are pleased, rather than annoyed, if you think he’s doing it deliberately. And obviously don’t ever let him know your plans in advance.

This is perfect.

If that was directed at me, I LOVE having time with my kids. If I was only interested in MY wants, I'd love for them to be with me 100% of the time, but that's not the best for THEM. But even though I'm happy to have extra time with my.kids, when their dad is "flaky", it's frustrating when my hard earned money is flushed down the pan. And I struggle badly when they are NOT at home (which I hide from them) so I need to make plans for those times, whether it be extra work shifts, or once every now again treat myself to a night out/away. I'm sorry I don't live up to your perfect standards but I do my best by my children.

No it wasn’t directed at anyone in particular, it’s just a theme that seems to crop up regularly on MN, and IRL Apologies for any offence caused.

I learnt early on never to tell ex I have plans as he would definitely cancel to mess them up.

court orders are against the resident parent. You have to make the child available but non resident parent doesn’t have to take them.

my ex even said in court he needed enough contact to take him into a lower maintenance bracket. Judge awarded that and then ex doesn’t follow the court order. CMS don’t care they just say they go by what’s on a court order if I want to change it then go back to court.

fucking joke of a system

@SpainToday thats a really misjudged thing to say. I love my girls- I love taking them out and we have a nice time together. However, the mental pressure of looking after 4 small children is incredibly wearing and like anyone else I need time to myself to relax a bit, because I cannot relax when I’m looking after them. This is the same for my DW. So we ensure that each other has the odd lie in, a day off on the weekends every now and again, so they have time to go and see friends, or whatever else they want to do by themselves. It’s not a problem- it’s a normal thing for humans to need a respite from the mental pressure of having to always be responsible.

Honestly children can be such idiots. They need watching, they squabble, they hurt themselves, they are CONSTANTLY hungry, they get bored and whinge. I can only imagine how difficult this is for single parents and feel for them tremendously.

It sucks. All you can do is keep count and go back to court for reduced contact/increased maintenance.

This is why, despite my solicitor urging a formal plan, I left it that he just has to give me 2 weeks notice of wanting to see them (with the proviso, that I can reasonably refuse if the kids don't want to). It means that whilst I can't plan ahead for my child-free time really (although they're getting older, so this is becoming less of a problem), I can plan stuff with them, and not have to waste the money if he decides he wants them (because I'll just say no)

Otherwise we have no contact at all - it's all calendar invites. I'm not dealing with his nonsense and excuses. One rare day a few months ago I had something booked that I had to leave for at 9:30 when he picks them up at 9. Of course that was the day he was late. He said 'sorry I'm late' and I replied "don't be ridiculous, if you were sorry then you wouldn't be late" and ignored his gobsmacked face as I got in my car. That's the only words we've exchanged in 3 years!

I refuse point blank to tell my children to keep secrets (eg what "I" am doing) from their father, but they are now starting to see through him, which is a bonus. Just a long time coming.

You can't make them.turn up to get their kids, can't drop the kids to them if they won't open the door though. And men can usually count on their ex to cover for them, as no one is going to tell the kids that their Dad won't be seeing them as he can't be arsed.

I was never able to force my ex to parent - if he didn't want the kids when he was supposed to have them, he just didn't pick them up.

I wasn't going to leave a kid at school becausr Dad gave me an hours notice that he wasn't able to do pick up that day.

I want my kids to have a relationship with their Dad, I want him to be reliable and turn up for them. I want them to be able to rely on me to always be there for them because he isn't.

I'm guessing he fought for 50/50 so he didn't have to pay CM. I dunno how it works in situations where the reality doesn't reflect the paper it's written on but seems like a possibility to me. Typical penis haver behaviour.