Anyone else get annoyed by… the question.. doesn’t your husband mind ?

[Daydreamingforever]

most recent one is because I doing away with a female friend for a few nights

I mean even by asking this question, your surely implying he should mind

this is the most recent one

but it’s also been asked regarding work thjngs etc too

I mean what’s even a good answer to this ?

as all I can think of is why should he mind ?

Its a reflection on the person asking and their marriage not yours. Don't get annoyed. I pity people that ask that question tbh.

"No DH doesn't mind, why would he? I don't mind when he plays golf or goes to the pub, we both need our time"

Yes. Doesn't happen often that I get the question but it is annoying.

It's the default/non-default parent thing. If DH went away for a weekend with friends everyone would just assume DC were with me and think nothing of it. On the times I've been away I've sometimes been asked where DC are. The assumption that they would be with their other, entirely compentent and willing parent, isn't there.

I have been known to use it to raise the idea with women that not only does he not mind but is enthusiastic about it and that this is entirely normal and they should have similar expectations.

I hate it when it's over something trivial. My mother was very scared of her husband and would talk in terms of him letting her do things or not. When things went wrong she would be afraid of his anger .

which has made me very impatient with and scornful of wives who let their husbands walk over them. I made up my mind to be my own person for me young age and never let a man control me.

I found this with older women asking me at work. Like they were slightly envious of the work travel or didn't get offered the same opportunities and weren't allowed by their own husbands to travel for work themselves if they had DC at home. I gave them my best 🤔 and said in my marriage we work as an equal partnership and will work things out.

Or sometimes I would have got ‘oh is your DH babysitting?’ Made me seethe!

Who's asking you this? You haven't said. I've never been asked a question like this.

Unsurprisingly my mother

if I reply why should he mind?
does it seem
a bit aggressive ?

I get this all the time. I frequently go off on my own to do what is effectively my hobby, but I do it at an international level. I usually combine it with a few days away on my own doing something I like, and/or meeting up with a friend in the area.

Some of my female friends are all why can't he go with you? Several times the same question, so now I just ask - didn't you like the response I gave to that question the first time? Nothing's changed. I go alone!

I just do what I want and tell DH, to be honest - but we have no DC. I've made myself smaller to fit someone elses ideal before, not anymore.

Of course it’s not aggressive. It’s a natural response to a stupid question.

Oh yeah, maybe not aggressive more defensive I suppose

but then I guess sometimes you need to be !

Ask her "Why should he mind? He doesn't own me and the children are his children too."

I was asked this when I went to the car dealership and bought myself a new car. I was bemused. I didn’t understand why my husband would expect to have any say in the car that I would be driving to my job that was paying for the car. And he wouldn’t expect to.

similar from my mum OP when I went away on a girls weekend.

”But who is going to look after the children?”

Eh…..their dad maybe”

It really
is batshit crazy

I think women are just conditioned to care more. DH has always been encouraging of me going away (whether for work or leisure), but I do feel a pang when I do go away as I know he sometimes gets lonely whilst I’m away.

I don’t know if he thinks the same when he goes away. I just imagine him happily about going about his business, though he does call twice a day minimum.

Yes dh will say to me, he will
miss me, but I say well it’s good for couples to have the chance to miss each other
makes you appreciate what you have

If he goes off on a work thing for a few days, zero thoughts given
even when dc where much much younger

I don’t answer questions like these. I just don’t think there is a perfect response other than no response. Anything you say can get twisted in their minds but silence leaves them with just their intent behind asking it. My responses range from silence to distracting them with a question about themselves (usually if people ask these type of questions, they also love to talk about themselves!) or “I must pop to the loo”.

I would look confused and say ‘are you implying that he has control over what I do?!’

I've honestly never been asked it. My mum definitely wouldn't ask, she went on holiday with a friend when I was about nine and my siblings were seven and three, and my dad looked after us for a week - I don't know if anyone asked her whether he minded! (He didn't, they had a pretty equal partnership when it came to childcare).

Yes. So annoying. Also 'is your husband good at helping at home'...yes, given we both work full time, I'd fucking hope so.

It doesn't bother me. I assume that in similar situations people would ask my husband, "Does your wife mind?" If we wanted to be completely unaccountable to one another we wouldn't have bothered getting married.

Oh I do have a good response to that, oh it’s not my home….. it’s our home

that actually just leaves them with a puzzled look on the face, like they actually can understand what I’ve just said

I don’t mention doing much by myself now to actively avoid the pearl clutching from my mother about whether my DH will cope or whether he is okay with it.
I think that these comments come from those whose husbands didn’t look after their kids independently or had zero patience beyond 30 mins of entertainment. Consequently those partners ended up being martyrs and doing everything and it’s just a projection of their own opinions really.
I will go back to work for a few days to keep in touch and DH will have some quality time with baby. We’ll help him, say my parents.
Praise for doing the bare minimum also boils my blood 😂