Anyone else get annoyed by… the question.. doesn’t your husband mind ?

[Daydreamingforever]

most recent one is because I doing away with a female friend for a few nights

I mean even by asking this question, your surely implying he should mind

this is the most recent one

but it’s also been asked regarding work thjngs etc too

The only reason DH and I ask each other is to make sure the other doesn't already have plans fotlr childcare reasons. We aren't really asking permission but it may seem like it to others I suppose.
However he of course doesn't 'mind' when I go out! I feel sad for couples where one of them is controlling over the other. DH has a friend whose wife doesn't 'let' him do particular things.

The only time that it seems a fair enough question is when you’re talking about your fuck buddy, other than that, we wouldn’t be married if he minded me having a life!

Strange thing is tho, she worked full time, and also did everything in the home, I think she’s a bit pissed off about that
dad did do the diy etc but it’s hardly equal to all the washing and going and cleaning

also they never had much money either, so I think she can be bitter about that, she would probably be happier if she saw me struggle more, which is bizarre but seems to be true

BTW that’s not an aggressive answer.

No Mum, because not a lazy controlling cunt.
^ that would be more aggressive (and more my style)

I'm sorry your mother asks such ridiculous questions. I wouldn't give it a second thought. Just say something like "Of course he doesn't mind!" with a puzzled expression on your face.

I feel the same that my mother wants to see me struggle. It’s probably resentment for having to do nearly everything, not have a lot of spare cash and then having to check with their husbands before going out. Similarly, getting a cleaner for example, would irk my mother something terrible as she had to do everything and why shouldn’t I?

My mother would be outraged, if i got a cleaner, it must be some sort of bizarre resentment
she suffered so others should

The only answer is to look puzzled and say ‘why would he?’

Thing is she’d probably then say, well he will then have to look after the dc after work, but the youngest is 11 so other than feed them
they can survive
its not Iike they are small

Murder is never acceptable!

Oh god yes. I went away with friends when our youngest was 4 and all I got was is your husband babysitting for you. No their father is looking after them the way I look after them every day.

Absolutely! I wouldn't even be with someone who 'minded' me having my own life. I can't fathom people who think they have to be joined at the hip to their partner, I think I'd spontaneously combust.

what is it with people (apparently mine and OP’s mum) who put men above the rest?
Oh but he will be tired after work to look after the children…we both work.
His sleep needs to be protected at all costs because he works…we both work.
He needs to eat more than that because he works…
He can’t take leave to look after an ill child!
He can’t be expected to cook dinner after a busy day…

And so on.
Is it a brainwashed generational thing or is it that there is an element of trying to sabotage an adult daughter’s life improving and overall equality? I know my nanny would have a sharp intake of breath but you’d think mums would actively encourage women going out and having a break. Or maybe my mum just enjoys pissing on my chips! And yes, I can’t do anything right in her eyes.

Then you look confused and say '..yes. Looking after kids you chose to have is the role of a parent. You're right.'

If anyone ever asked me if my husband minded anything I do, I would laugh.

My MIL would have been terrible for this if we'd had kids. She doesn't believe in men being able to do anything domestic or traditionally seen as a woman's domain, so heaven forbid I'd have gone off for a week's hobby break by myself (as I do every year) leaving 'poor' DH at home with the kids! 😂In reality he'd have managed fine, just like he did when my DSD was a child.

I was asked it when buying bright pink front door paint? Like I had to get his permission. It's paint, I think he'll cope.

Had my hair coloured recently - nothing drastic. DM's first comment was 'well I hope your DH likes it'.

However DH went on a lads weekend a few weeks ago, and she was also perplexed about that....not that DH was away without me, but that I hadn't been invited! There's a clue in the description mum.....

My mum does similar. Aghast if I go out because, how will he cope? But then shocked I don’t go on his business trips or corporate work parties such as the Christmas one (invites to partners not extended). Baffled!

Do you think it's because she thinks she suffered so you should too?

It's just so odd isn't it, actually when I said I was thinking of just going grey at some point she says to me ohhh your too young to do that

And she will often say what does dh think to that, as if his opinion matters more than mine

Thanks for talking this over with me, I'm going to be stronger in my response next time, I'm going to say why on earth would he mind? I'm allowed my own life too

I honestly can't say I've ever been asked that question. It would definitely bother me.

I have a shocker. A few years ago I set up my own business with my own money. Shortly afterwards DH was made redundant. While he looked for a new job he worked in the business with me. He has very different skills to me.

This got discussed at a family gathering.
"So... Who is in charge?"
"Well me, obviously but we cover different aspects of the business"
"But you've he final decision on stuff?"
"Yes ultimately"
"Is your DH ok with that?"

Can anyone imagine that conversation taking place the other way around?

That literally is outrageous, isn't it .? Was it a older person or your mother that said that ?

Seriously sick of it

I have a cleaner. I have done for the last two years. I have not told my mother and don't intend to.

Even though I often work 50-60 hours a week, she would think that I should be cleaning my house myself, because that's what she did (she worked part-time, and retired at 50).